Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
Oct 25th 2009, 10:20 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 44
Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
Hi,
I'm not 100% sure what I expect to gain from posting tonight but here goes anyway.
My husband and I started our emigration process in February 2007. I'd been in my job for way too long and I hated it, more than I can tell you actually. In hindsight, my job and career prospects were a large part of the reason I wanted to get out of the country. I think when you hate one thing so much in your life and it's making you miserable lots of other things follow. Anyway we got our visa, sold up everything, had the parties and finally got to Oz in September 08.
As you know or can imagine leaving family was awful but once we'd boarded the plane we were so excited about our new lives. My husbands two teenage boys emigrated with us and were just as excited about their new lives but were really really sad to leave their mum and their lifelong friends. When we arrived in Australia we loved it. It was everything we remembered when we'd got married there a couple of years earlier. We stayed with friends then rented our own house. The boys and I really struggled with getting jobs but my husband found work within a few weeks (he was a self employed tradesman here so got work no bother). Once I'd dropped my husband off at work the boys and I would trawl the internet for jobs, go to the shopping centres to look for work, search the papers for jobs etc. After only 6 weeks the boys got really homesick and stopped trying. They eventually told us that they wanted to go home. They were both unhappy and it seemed cruel to stick by our initial "you can't just throw the towel in and go home the first time it gets hard" mantra!! So the boys booked flights and headed home. That's when it got worse for me. I had tons of time alone so I started looking at stuff on the internet. Things like property websites back in the UK, job websites, photos of back in the UK etc. I also started texting and emailing family and friends more. That didn't help at all. They all pretty much told me what I thought I wanted to hear. Things like "we miss you", "come home if you're not happy" - you can imagine the types of things. I also started thinking that if we're to have kids then I want them to grow up knowing their family - now I'm back here I don't even know if I want to have kids!! SO I managed to convince hubby that that's what I wanted and eventually that that's what he wanted. Plus we were spending our savings like no-ones business which is what swung it for hubby.
So we've been back in the UK since Jan 09. We have an old house which we love, 2 cars, I've got a job I enjoy and am doing a college course I enjoy and my OH has his old clients back and is doing well. SO what the F*$" is my problem????? I have a head full of questions and it's all of my own making. Why didn't I try harder over there, why didn't I try to build some kind of life, why didn't I listen to other expats when they said it was just homesickness and it would likely pass???? Why do I have Oz on the brain constantly?? WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?? My OH thinks about Oz as well but I'm not sure if we just wish we'd stayed longer the first time or whether we would really consider going back in the future. Is it really worth all the upheaval again, is it really worth upsetting family and friends again?? I have so many questions and although I would like you're opinions I think only my OH and I have the answers to these questions..........ARGHGHGHGGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!
Thanks for reading (if you made it all the way through!)
Sandersons xx
I'm not 100% sure what I expect to gain from posting tonight but here goes anyway.
My husband and I started our emigration process in February 2007. I'd been in my job for way too long and I hated it, more than I can tell you actually. In hindsight, my job and career prospects were a large part of the reason I wanted to get out of the country. I think when you hate one thing so much in your life and it's making you miserable lots of other things follow. Anyway we got our visa, sold up everything, had the parties and finally got to Oz in September 08.
As you know or can imagine leaving family was awful but once we'd boarded the plane we were so excited about our new lives. My husbands two teenage boys emigrated with us and were just as excited about their new lives but were really really sad to leave their mum and their lifelong friends. When we arrived in Australia we loved it. It was everything we remembered when we'd got married there a couple of years earlier. We stayed with friends then rented our own house. The boys and I really struggled with getting jobs but my husband found work within a few weeks (he was a self employed tradesman here so got work no bother). Once I'd dropped my husband off at work the boys and I would trawl the internet for jobs, go to the shopping centres to look for work, search the papers for jobs etc. After only 6 weeks the boys got really homesick and stopped trying. They eventually told us that they wanted to go home. They were both unhappy and it seemed cruel to stick by our initial "you can't just throw the towel in and go home the first time it gets hard" mantra!! So the boys booked flights and headed home. That's when it got worse for me. I had tons of time alone so I started looking at stuff on the internet. Things like property websites back in the UK, job websites, photos of back in the UK etc. I also started texting and emailing family and friends more. That didn't help at all. They all pretty much told me what I thought I wanted to hear. Things like "we miss you", "come home if you're not happy" - you can imagine the types of things. I also started thinking that if we're to have kids then I want them to grow up knowing their family - now I'm back here I don't even know if I want to have kids!! SO I managed to convince hubby that that's what I wanted and eventually that that's what he wanted. Plus we were spending our savings like no-ones business which is what swung it for hubby.
So we've been back in the UK since Jan 09. We have an old house which we love, 2 cars, I've got a job I enjoy and am doing a college course I enjoy and my OH has his old clients back and is doing well. SO what the F*$" is my problem????? I have a head full of questions and it's all of my own making. Why didn't I try harder over there, why didn't I try to build some kind of life, why didn't I listen to other expats when they said it was just homesickness and it would likely pass???? Why do I have Oz on the brain constantly?? WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY?? My OH thinks about Oz as well but I'm not sure if we just wish we'd stayed longer the first time or whether we would really consider going back in the future. Is it really worth all the upheaval again, is it really worth upsetting family and friends again?? I have so many questions and although I would like you're opinions I think only my OH and I have the answers to these questions..........ARGHGHGHGGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!
Thanks for reading (if you made it all the way through!)
Sandersons xx
Oct 25th 2009, 10:37 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 132
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
Hiya and welcome!
As you say, not sure what the answer is, but there was obviously a reason why you returned. It may help you to think about that whilst your deciding.
Do you have the option of returning easily? Are you renting a house or have you bought one? I know from personal experience that I felt like this for the first few months of coming home, especially as I know it was me who had the problem and not the rest of my family (I think I couldn't bear the guilt).
Where in Australia were you living - that may have a bearing on why you decided to return (apart from the missing family and friends). I have read lots of posts where someone isn't happy in one part of Oz and moves to another to find that it suits them more. My only concern for you would be if you decided to have a baby and were in Australia with the feelings of missing everyone - that may make it even harder to bear.
I'm not sure if sticking it out for a longer period really does achieve what you want (as I couldn't do it), but only you will know how you feel. However you decide, its a horrible place to be and I hope you can make a decision that suits you, and wish you good luck x
As you say, not sure what the answer is, but there was obviously a reason why you returned. It may help you to think about that whilst your deciding.
Do you have the option of returning easily? Are you renting a house or have you bought one? I know from personal experience that I felt like this for the first few months of coming home, especially as I know it was me who had the problem and not the rest of my family (I think I couldn't bear the guilt).
Where in Australia were you living - that may have a bearing on why you decided to return (apart from the missing family and friends). I have read lots of posts where someone isn't happy in one part of Oz and moves to another to find that it suits them more. My only concern for you would be if you decided to have a baby and were in Australia with the feelings of missing everyone - that may make it even harder to bear.
I'm not sure if sticking it out for a longer period really does achieve what you want (as I couldn't do it), but only you will know how you feel. However you decide, its a horrible place to be and I hope you can make a decision that suits you, and wish you good luck x
Oct 26th 2009, 1:01 am
#3
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
Being a bit of a devil's advocate here, just be grateful you had a narrow escape. Why is it important that you needed to be here? You have a great life where you are and fortunately didnt suffer much because you took time out to live here - there is nothing in the rule book that says you HAVE to adore Australia and realistically will it offer you more than you already have with a nice house, good career, doing well in general? You didnt fail, it just didnt fall into place for you and that is fine, it didnt have to. You only have one life and if you have a good one where you are why muck about with it? Australia is just another place, it isnt Utopia on a stick.
However, yours is the angst of many a pingponger - it does seem the shorter the visit the more the angst. You could come back, it might work but then, again, it might not - you want to throw all that up in the air for a whim? If you intend on having kids here without your support network then you are going to need to be very strong indeed - it isnt easy.
However, yours is the angst of many a pingponger - it does seem the shorter the visit the more the angst. You could come back, it might work but then, again, it might not - you want to throw all that up in the air for a whim? If you intend on having kids here without your support network then you are going to need to be very strong indeed - it isnt easy.
Oct 26th 2009, 1:23 am
#4
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Hill overlooking the SE Melbourne suburbs
Posts: 16,622
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
Being a bit of a devil's advocate here, just be grateful you had a narrow escape. Why is it important that you needed to be here? You have a great life where you are and fortunately didnt suffer much because you took time out to live here - there is nothing in the rule book that says you HAVE to adore Australia and realistically will it offer you more than you already have with a nice house, good career, doing well in general? You didnt fail, it just didnt fall into place for you and that is fine, it didnt have to. You only have one life and if you have a good one where you are why muck about with it? Australia is just another place, it isnt Utopia on a stick.
However, yours is the angst of many a pingponger - it does seem the shorter the visit the more the angst. You could come back, it might work but then, again, it might not - you want to throw all that up in the air for a whim? If you intend on having kids here without your support network then you are going to need to be very strong indeed - it isnt easy.
However, yours is the angst of many a pingponger - it does seem the shorter the visit the more the angst. You could come back, it might work but then, again, it might not - you want to throw all that up in the air for a whim? If you intend on having kids here without your support network then you are going to need to be very strong indeed - it isnt easy.
Oct 26th 2009, 1:25 am
#5
Banned
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,054
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
The British Empire is long dead and way past moldering. Why can't Brits just come for normal holidays?
Oct 26th 2009, 1:29 am
#6
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 6,600
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
I think she should come back . . . its great here!
Oct 26th 2009, 2:11 am
#7
Retired
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
If you enjoy your life in Britain then why would you want to change that? Especially as you've already tried and didn't like it very much.
Would it have been better if you had stayed longer and then lost your ability to slot back into your old life?
Emigration is not for everyone and one of the downsides of Australia's relatively quick - until recently, at least - process to grant visas (for those eligible) is that it doesn't force people to think profoundly about why they want to do it.
Would it have been better if you had stayed longer and then lost your ability to slot back into your old life?
Emigration is not for everyone and one of the downsides of Australia's relatively quick - until recently, at least - process to grant visas (for those eligible) is that it doesn't force people to think profoundly about why they want to do it.
Oct 26th 2009, 5:36 am
#8
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 10,375
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
I am not quite sure tradesmen would arrive now and find work "no bother' it would probably be more like a lot of bother
Seriously the trade construction thing has changed dramatically in the last year.
Seriously the trade construction thing has changed dramatically in the last year.
Oct 26th 2009, 8:34 am
#9
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Joined: Nov 2008
Location: NSW
Posts: 402
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
Why not give it a chance back in UK with a backup plan to try again in Oz if you still feel the same before the end of your visa if that's what you want, it's generally 3 years before you have to be in Oz from issue of your visa.
Maybe keep your house and rent it out this time and see how you go? No shortage of tradies job in my part of NSW either
Maybe keep your house and rent it out this time and see how you go? No shortage of tradies job in my part of NSW either
Oct 26th 2009, 9:04 am
#10
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Joined: Feb 2008
Location: Gold Coast, Qld
Posts: 334
Re: Went to Oz Sept 08, came back to UK Jan 09, now what.....??
Look really there's no rush is there?(if youre only just thinking about kids then i'm guessing you must be still young) We arrived in Qld in October 08 so similar to you and i'd be lying if i said we don't love it here. You may have gone back too soon in my opinion but if at the time it was the right thing to do ..then it was.. You cant spend your life thinking "what if" so if things are going well in the Uk (in the current climate) then you should be pleased, make the most of it and maybe if the time is right then think about having kids. In the meantime there is nothing to stop you coming back here for a holiday and reviewing the situation later.
In all honesty we have several friends you are tradies and most if not all have struggled to find work in the last 6 months and they're all at the top of their game and well connected so its not all been "moonlight and roses" for them and when there's no work for the "breadwinner" that can cause major problems so really you did escape that.
Whatever you do ..think about it MORE this time.. My family are back in the Uk and i miss them terribly and feel awful for breaking the relationship between my toddler son and his grandparents but im happy it was the best decision for him as he's thriving. ( I would never contemplate Oz before he arrived) It is a great place ,Australia and im very happy here but it wont feel like home for a long time and you do have to be prepared to feel a little odd for a few years while you get used to how things are done,where to buy stuff, do stuff etc It definately doesnt happen over night and you do have to work at it ...
If you want to ask me anything please message me .. i will be honest and as helpful as possible.
Good luck in your decisions ...Sunbound
In all honesty we have several friends you are tradies and most if not all have struggled to find work in the last 6 months and they're all at the top of their game and well connected so its not all been "moonlight and roses" for them and when there's no work for the "breadwinner" that can cause major problems so really you did escape that.
Whatever you do ..think about it MORE this time.. My family are back in the Uk and i miss them terribly and feel awful for breaking the relationship between my toddler son and his grandparents but im happy it was the best decision for him as he's thriving. ( I would never contemplate Oz before he arrived) It is a great place ,Australia and im very happy here but it wont feel like home for a long time and you do have to be prepared to feel a little odd for a few years while you get used to how things are done,where to buy stuff, do stuff etc It definately doesnt happen over night and you do have to work at it ...
If you want to ask me anything please message me .. i will be honest and as helpful as possible.
Good luck in your decisions ...Sunbound
