Uncle's death
Jun 12th 2005, 1:46 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Location: Ex Southampton, now on the Mornington Peninsula
Posts: 257
Uncle's death
Heard from Adelaide this morning that my uncle had died in the early hours and I'm devastated. I haven't seen him in 40 years since he emigrated, but as many of you know we plan to be out there in September but its all to late to see him now. Since we started the emigration process we have obviously been in constant contact with him and my aunt, he wanted to sponsor us but CentreLink wouldn't let him because he was retired. However they have been so great and so supportive and he was so thrilled when our visas came through and now this, I can't really believe it, even though his health had been deteriorating over the last few months. Life seems so unfair. He was the only relative I had on my fathers side, and after losing both my parents suddenly 8 years ago I was so looking forward to being able to get to know him, my dad would have loved that. Can't now decide whether to try and fly out for the funeral, even if I can get a flight tomorrow, getting time off work at the present will be almost impossible, we should exchange contracts on the house this week and there's so much to do this end even without the expense of the flight, which we can't really afford. But I can't bear to think of him being buried with no blood relation present, my aunt and their son will be there of course (he's adopted, I know that made know difference to him or my aunt, but we are the only blood relations he has ever had as he and my dad were orphaned young) and all their friends but in my heart I so want to be there too and I just know its not really on. I really didn't realise I would be so upset about it but I am, just like when my mum and dad died I can't stop crying, the tears flow as I type. The thing which really is worrying me now though is leaving all the elderly relatives we have this end and knowing that this isn't going to be the last time I have to face this, how do you all cope with not being able to say good bye? I realise now that when I say goodbye to many of them in September, I will probably not ever see some of them again and neither will my kids, for the first time the distance is real and I feel so helpless.
Typing this is like therapy though, I just needed to get it down, sorry if its irrelevant but this is something we'll all face one day, just didn't expect it would be before we'd even got there.
Typing this is like therapy though, I just needed to get it down, sorry if its irrelevant but this is something we'll all face one day, just didn't expect it would be before we'd even got there.
Jun 12th 2005, 1:49 pm
#2
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Uncle's death
Do feel for you, this is the downside of 12,000 miles, regardless of how close in the blood line you are to someone. You sound so upset, it must have been a shock for you.
My FIL is ill in Australia with bowel cancer and that is hard enough for us to cope with.
Sending karma to you.
Best wishes
M
My FIL is ill in Australia with bowel cancer and that is hard enough for us to cope with.
Sending karma to you.
Best wishes
M
Jun 12th 2005, 1:52 pm
#3
The Godfather
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: South East Suburbs of Melbourne
Posts: 7,336
Re: Uncle's death
Wow so close & yet so far, I guess life has a way of kicking you in the guts sometimes. Sorry for your loss.
I would forget flying out for the funeral etc, you don't need to spend all that money, I'm sure your uncle will know how you feel.
As for the elderly relatives back home, if you feel your going to miss them & want to go to all there funerals then maybe its not quite time to move.
Parents yes but I certainly woldn't fly home for every aunt & uncles funeral.
I would forget flying out for the funeral etc, you don't need to spend all that money, I'm sure your uncle will know how you feel.
As for the elderly relatives back home, if you feel your going to miss them & want to go to all there funerals then maybe its not quite time to move.
Parents yes but I certainly woldn't fly home for every aunt & uncles funeral.
Jun 12th 2005, 2:02 pm
#4
julie
Joined: May 2005
Location: melbourne
Posts: 177
Re: Uncle's death
Typing this is like therapy though, I just needed to get it down, sorry if its irrelevant but this is something we'll all face one day, just didn't expect it would be before we'd even got there. [/QUOTE]
You poor thing!
What bad timing.
I am sure that your Aunt will understand you not being at the funeral and know that you would have been there if you could have.
It is hard when you are so far away.
You can't think about all your old relations when you are making a decision to come over to Aus otherwise you would never make the move.
They would be the first to tell you to go and have a better life for you and your family, after all they chose how they wanted to live theirs.
Try not to worry too much, I know that it is easier said than done.
Take care,
Julie.
[/QUOTE]You poor thing!
What bad timing.
I am sure that your Aunt will understand you not being at the funeral and know that you would have been there if you could have.
It is hard when you are so far away.
You can't think about all your old relations when you are making a decision to come over to Aus otherwise you would never make the move.
They would be the first to tell you to go and have a better life for you and your family, after all they chose how they wanted to live theirs.
Try not to worry too much, I know that it is easier said than done.
Take care,
Julie.
Jun 12th 2005, 2:05 pm
#5
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 193
Re: Uncle's death
Huge dilemma for you and really awful news. Ive often wondered how I could afford to go back if anything happened to my family -especially when my dad got really illl last year and now a bit of a time bomb and us having about 10 months and an unsold house ahead of us... Whatever you decide it sounds like he and his family knew how you felt about him which I think is the most important thing. Take care & all the best with your decision
Jun 12th 2005, 2:07 pm
#6
Walla's bird
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 171
Re: Uncle's death
Originally Posted by Smartinis
Heard from Adelaide this morning that my uncle had died in the early hours and I'm devastated. I haven't seen him in 40 years since he emigrated, but as many of you know we plan to be out there in September but its all to late to see him now. Since we started the emigration process we have obviously been in constant contact with him and my aunt, he wanted to sponsor us but CentreLink wouldn't let him because he was retired. However they have been so great and so supportive and he was so thrilled when our visas came through and now this, I can't really believe it, even though his health had been deteriorating over the last few months. Life seems so unfair. He was the only relative I had on my fathers side, and after losing both my parents suddenly 8 years ago I was so looking forward to being able to get to know him, my dad would have loved that. Can't now decide whether to try and fly out for the funeral, even if I can get a flight tomorrow, getting time off work at the present will be almost impossible, we should exchange contracts on the house this week and there's so much to do this end even without the expense of the flight, which we can't really afford. But I can't bear to think of him being buried with no blood relation present, my aunt and their son will be there of course (he's adopted, I know that made know difference to him or my aunt, but we are the only blood relations he has ever had as he and my dad were orphaned young) and all their friends but in my heart I so want to be there too and I just know its not really on. I really didn't realise I would be so upset about it but I am, just like when my mum and dad died I can't stop crying, the tears flow as I type. The thing which really is worrying me now though is leaving all the elderly relatives we have this end and knowing that this isn't going to be the last time I have to face this, how do you all cope with not being able to say good bye? I realise now that when I say goodbye to many of them in September, I will probably not ever see some of them again and neither will my kids, for the first time the distance is real and I feel so helpless.
Typing this is like therapy though, I just needed to get it down, sorry if its irrelevant but this is something we'll all face one day, just didn't expect it would be before we'd even got there.
Typing this is like therapy though, I just needed to get it down, sorry if its irrelevant but this is something we'll all face one day, just didn't expect it would be before we'd even got there.
My sympathies are with you.
Jun 12th 2005, 2:59 pm
#7
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2005
Location: Ex Southampton, now on the Mornington Peninsula
Posts: 257
Re: Uncle's death
Thank you for all your kind replies, I guess the shock of losing someone is always going to be the same no matter where you are. Many of you are right we must face the fact that we can't just drop everything and cross the world, I know that in my heart and I know my uncle and aunt would be the last to expect me to. I'll say my good byes from here and visit and lay flowers as soon as we arrive.
Thanks again to all of you, the karma will come in useful too thanks.
Thanks again to all of you, the karma will come in useful too thanks.
Jun 12th 2005, 3:22 pm
#8
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,873
Re: Uncle's death
Originally Posted by Smartinis
Thank you for all your kind replies, I guess the shock of losing someone is always going to be the same no matter where you are. Many of you are right we must face the fact that we can't just drop everything and cross the world, I know that in my heart and I know my uncle and aunt would be the last to expect me to. I'll say my good byes from here and visit and lay flowers as soon as we arrive.
Thanks again to all of you, the karma will come in useful too thanks.
Thanks again to all of you, the karma will come in useful too thanks.
I think we met last week at the Hungry Horse meet. I'm really sorry to read your sad news. I understand your disappointment in saying that it is now too late to get to know your uncle but perhaps when you spend time with his family there you may, in time, feel as if you knew him.
Perhaps when you arrive in Australia and visit his grave you could arrange for a short service at his graveside as a kind of blessing and atonement. I'm
quite sure none of our families would wish to hold us back from our chances in life and your uncle died happy in the knowledge that you are about to realise your dream.
Thinking of you and wishing you well.
Anne
Jun 12th 2005, 3:28 pm
#9
Walla's bird
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 171
Re: Uncle's death
Originally Posted by Smartinis
Thank you for all your kind replies, I guess the shock of losing someone is always going to be the same no matter where you are. Many of you are right we must face the fact that we can't just drop everything and cross the world, I know that in my heart and I know my uncle and aunt would be the last to expect me to. I'll say my good byes from here and visit and lay flowers as soon as we arrive.
Thanks again to all of you, the karma will come in useful too thanks.
Thanks again to all of you, the karma will come in useful too thanks.
Jun 13th 2005, 7:05 am
#10
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 6,360
Re: Uncle's death
Sorry to hear your bad news.
Jun 13th 2005, 7:52 am
#11
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Uncle's death
So sorry to hear your sad news.
The passing away of your uncle was a shock as he formed a big part of realising your dream to live in Aus. Added to this he was an extension to your past and meeting him was to be that bridge, so I can see why you are very sad.
However your uncle played a big part in you moving here and he'd be soo proud to see it come to fruition. For that reason you've got to see it through and know he's in your heart and mind once you're here.
Take some comfort in the fact he'll be watching after you all to make it a success
The passing away of your uncle was a shock as he formed a big part of realising your dream to live in Aus. Added to this he was an extension to your past and meeting him was to be that bridge, so I can see why you are very sad.
However your uncle played a big part in you moving here and he'd be soo proud to see it come to fruition. For that reason you've got to see it through and know he's in your heart and mind once you're here.
Take some comfort in the fact he'll be watching after you all to make it a success
Jun 13th 2005, 9:35 am
#12
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 448
Re: Uncle's death
Originally Posted by Smartinis
Heard from Adelaide this morning that my uncle had died in the early hours and I'm devastated. I haven't seen him in 40 years since he emigrated, but as many of you know we plan to be out there in September but its all to late to see him now. Since we started the emigration process we have obviously been in constant contact with him and my aunt, he wanted to sponsor us but CentreLink wouldn't let him because he was retired. However they have been so great and so supportive and he was so thrilled when our visas came through and now this, I can't really believe it, even though his health had been deteriorating over the last few months. Life seems so unfair. He was the only relative I had on my fathers side, and after losing both my parents suddenly 8 years ago I was so looking forward to being able to get to know him, my dad would have loved that. Can't now decide whether to try and fly out for the funeral, even if I can get a flight tomorrow, getting time off work at the present will be almost impossible, we should exchange contracts on the house this week and there's so much to do this end even without the expense of the flight, which we can't really afford. But I can't bear to think of him being buried with no blood relation present, my aunt and their son will be there of course (he's adopted, I know that made know difference to him or my aunt, but we are the only blood relations he has ever had as he and my dad were orphaned young) and all their friends but in my heart I so want to be there too and I just know its not really on. I really didn't realise I would be so upset about it but I am, just like when my mum and dad died I can't stop crying, the tears flow as I type. The thing which really is worrying me now though is leaving all the elderly relatives we have this end and knowing that this isn't going to be the last time I have to face this, how do you all cope with not being able to say good bye? I realise now that when I say goodbye to many of them in September, I will probably not ever see some of them again and neither will my kids, for the first time the distance is real and I feel so helpless.
Typing this is like therapy though, I just needed to get it down, sorry if its irrelevant but this is something we'll all face one day, just didn't expect it would be before we'd even got there.
Typing this is like therapy though, I just needed to get it down, sorry if its irrelevant but this is something we'll all face one day, just didn't expect it would be before we'd even got there.
Jun 13th 2005, 11:01 am
#13
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Perth, Jnr is back!
Posts: 1,286
Re: Uncle's death
I am in the same situation but the other way round. My auntie died on Thursday in Scotland (we are here in Perth). The hardest thing was hearing my mum so upset and being so far away. My auntie was 75 and my mum is 76 and seems as though the clock has really started to tick.
Best wishes
Diane
Best wishes
Diane
Jun 13th 2005, 11:11 am
#14
Welsh Member!!
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Was Wales, now Brisbane!!!
Posts: 370
Re: Uncle's death
Sorry to hear such Bad News!
I'm also in a position where this will could prove to be a problem for me! ....my Nan's 100th Birthday is at the end of July, and I know that when I fly out after her birthday I might not see her again!
I'm also in a position where this will could prove to be a problem for me!
....my Nan's 100th Birthday is at the end of July, and I know that when I fly out after her birthday I might not see her again!
Jun 14th 2005, 8:14 am
#15
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Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Lower Chittering, Perth
Posts: 4,646
Re: Uncle's death
This is something that wil affect us all at some point. When you 'do' those goodbyes at the airport, it could well be the last time you will see some of your rellies.
I had this experiance last year. My dad had just been diagnosed with lung cancer. When we said goodbye I promised I would be back, sadly it wasnt to be.
Ring your aunt. Tell her how much you loved your uncle, and that you will be with them in thought.
Hope it all goes well for you
Love
Sandra
xx
I had this experiance last year. My dad had just been diagnosed with lung cancer. When we said goodbye I promised I would be back, sadly it wasnt to be.
Ring your aunt. Tell her how much you loved your uncle, and that you will be with them in thought.
Hope it all goes well for you
Love
Sandra
xx
