newlife_downunder

Hi just thought I would comment - my sentiments are if you are invited by a fellow (in our case) Australian to a party, BBQ, drinks or whatever - is to GO. Don't make excuses - just do it. This is the way that you get a network of friends built up!

LINZI

I have not made many friends here either they all seem to be alot older than me and just come into my life then leave
I recently made one friend after being here 5 years and she went and moved away which was a shame

I feel since being here i just make acquaintances not *real friends*

I think by the looks of things i will have to wait till i am in my later thirties/ fortys for anything remotely friendship wise

eddie007

TBH I've re evaluated what friendship is.. Since immigrating

I dont have life long friends to hand...

My BEST friend in the uk ( of 40 years) doesn't bother to communicate with me anymore

I have many people who I'm pleased to see and enjoy the company of... Who I would call friends... Like being with them... Have a good chat when I see them... Working fulltime and having 4kids REALLY impacts on your social life..

Miss my saturday morning shopping and brunch with the girls ... Everyone has lives they are busy with, kids they are ferrying around... So do I

have no probloems striking up a conversation with a complete stranger... Its part my job... So I just use some of those skills in my daily living...

TBH my real " best friend" is my husband... HE's the only one I share ALL my troubles with...

PaulandNic

Altho not too many will admit it! ...

I have 'work colleagues' who I DO consider 'friends'. The missus has the same, but altho we gel to a degree, both our 'better' friends are poms.

Not such a shock when you consider the cultural differences is it, let's be honest! ... but it's upbringing and all the rest, 2 diff kettles of fish really even tho both watch crap UK TV.

I'm sure there's loads of cases that refute what i'm saying, but i'm generalizing ... and been here 5 years now which I think is enough to know what is what.

I love Australia, love Aussies, but can't say I know any that will 'let me in' like old mates in the UK did, and vice versa.

All good tho!

YoshiPal2010

Looks like I have opened a real can-of-worms here! I wonder if anyone (amateur psychologists/sociologists out there?) cares to try to explain why the locals are so closed-off.

YoshiPal2010

It's the same in Alberta.

denzil73

I dunno people. It's seriously like a form of racism. They make friends easily with another Aussie but are varying degrees of standoff-ish with non-Aussies.

I have witnessed this many times over 7 years so know this to be true. They are friendly if a tourist but not so much if you weren't born to live in the country. My best mate is an Isreali.

I'm travelling the world with my Aussie wife, who has lived outside Oz most her life and has been treated the same as me even tho she was born in Oz. The guys at school made good use of being friendly to her. All in I'm not even sure I want to return to live in Oz cos of how I've been shunned and treated plus Brissy has little to offer for after 5pm, sundown, entertainment.

My UK friends still say HI now and then as do I and that shows a true friend with integrity instead of those that forget you when you don't live in the same street.

Anyhow, that's my experience and thinking of those 7 years they seem to have been a waste except for meeting my wife. Does it make up for it? The lonelyness of not having that special someone, Yes. The loss of all I knew and places I liked to go, NO!!!!! What to do aye. One or the other but never a sense of overall happiness. That my friends is the hard choice you have to make when in our situations

PaulandNic

I used to drive a black cab in London and would chew the ears off any Aussie that got in my cab. I clearly remember an Aussie telling me how I'm gonna experience racism when I get here. I was like "what! ... but i'm white!!" (naively) to which he replied "yeah, but you're NOT Australian ... you'll see, just wait!"

TBH it don't matter as my nuclear family is all I need, all I've ever needed, and I got that here + lots of sunshine so am happy.

I spose I can always go stone some roo's to death to fit in if needed.

paulry

One of the things about making new friends that can be tough/intimidating is entering an established group as a newcomer. It's very easy to feel marginalised or to perceive that you are hopelessly on the periphery of a cliquey group. While not suggesting avoidance of established groups I would recommend new migrants put increased focus on getting into touch with as many other new arrivals as possible especially during the first year or so in the new country. In my family's case our experience with the ACT settlement service (MARSS) was a bitterly unpleasant one, but such places are very good for meeting other new migrants. During these first six months here we've made several friendships many of which look likely to become lasting ones. I think that once we have a good base of "people like me" friends our social contacts will continue to grow and before we know it we'll have a lot more local friends too. And later on even as longer established migrants we can still reach out to the new arrivals and continually add new friends. The main thing to remember is friendships are like so many other things in life if you don't value and care for them they'll wither and die. Likewise, if we treat them superficially then superficial friends is what we'll end up with.

denzil73

So you're an immigrant with immigrant friends? If so, along with PualandNic's response and my own experiences then Aussie's are as racist a bunch as Americans and I hate racism

Fluid36

The Aussies who have traveled and lived abroad are a bit more open to outsiders, the majority however are pretty much into themselves.

the troubadour

Not sure that it is as clear cut as racism these days. If it was perhaps it may be easier to handle in a way.

For me it's more a case of indifference. Easy to come into contact(sort off) but not easy to get below the surface. Hard work maintaining relationships also.
Reasons i think are numerous. Folk have tough jobs with a lot more stress involved over recent years,so when home don't necessary want outside company.

Distance. Often a way to travel to meet up and again folk are too bushed to make the effort ...

Home based culture. A lot of folk in Australia spend a large amount of time doing things at home in contrast to in certain other countries where a lot more going out is involved. Folk live closer to centres in many European and Asian cities,and these maintain good public transport and cities are perhaps deemed safer with so much more street activity around.This makes it far easier to go out alone with greater possibilities to hook up with others.

Then of course there is the internet. For all it's benefits it has played a part in changing how people interact with one another to rather a large extent.
Could well be wrong,but have a suspicion that a lot of folk all over the world are perhaps closing up. Centering their lives on work and immediate family and keeping intruders largely at bay,only to sustain minimal contact and keep networking options open.

Perhaps it is part of the competitive nature being installed over recent decade to be wary of another taking advantage and getting the jump on another in say the competitive work place?

Many variables and possibilities to consider in the equation.

paulry

I'm pretty sure it's not racism.

The thing is we can't expect to be greeted by the locals with open arms and be invited right away to all their barbies, social gatherings and parties. To the Aussies credit, our experience has been that we've been made to feel welcome by virtually everyone. We are a mixed-race family and haven't sensed racism towards us at all. But they have families and established friends - why would they feel the need to go out on a limb to form friendships with newcomers? And we have to ask ourselves if we behaved any differently back in our home countries.

For the most part Australians understand what it's taken us to get here and they understand our challenges but nobody "gets us" quite as well as other immigrants. We are/have been in the same situation so it makes sense to befriend and support eachother at least while we establish ourselves, assimulate and get used to the local cultural norms. Hopefully many of the friendships will endure and be added to the collective

quoll

I found it quite easy to make Aussie acquaintances in the early days and for decades never bothered with new arrivals and certainly never felt the need to search out Poms like me - I am not sure that hanging in with a bunch of similars is really that productive, better to make the connections with people in your environment - work, school, interest groups, gyms, whatever takes your fancy. (I say acquaintances advisedly as very few of them have stood the test of time beyond the original situation which brought us together)

I think that has been one very good thing about UK migrants in the past - they didnt tend to stick together like other ethnic groups although, from hearing the discussion on these forums, I suspect that is changing with some areas becoming real Little Britains in line with a whole load of other ethnic enclaves that have developed over the years.

Family of 3

Isn't it a more a case of the Aussies already have a group of established friends so are not actively looking for more? I'm not saying they'll reject you, just that they're not "friend-hunting". It's easier to pal up with migrants just because they're in the same boat - actively trying to increse their social circle.

I found the same thing in Singapore. I got to a point where I wasn't going out looking for friends as I had enough to fill up my available time. I DID make new friends even when I was "full", but it was more accidental than by design and because they were people I really clicked with.