jad n rich

Three kids plus 2 adults, I dont think at any stage in 6 years all 5 of us have been at the same place in regard to staying or leaving.

People need to prepare for that, unless your emigrating on your lonesome, think about what you will do if everybody does not feel the same way on arrival, in indeed down the track, famiies grow and change, so will their emotions.

What is heartbreaking is the older poms out here, who would go back but kids have become adults, started relationships and had kids themselves, many older people say they feel trapped.

Best chance is to emigrate when kids are younger, if you dont like it you can get out before anyone becomes too settled.

Nomore

my daughter is 15 and hates it here...we have only been here 3 months and she already wants to go back to UK without even trying...she says it's boring here and theres nothing to do. Wether thats got owt to do with it being winter here i don't know but i feel the same as you....whats the point being here if ur kids are unhappy ..we didn't come here to be sad and would rather all stick together. I think we will give it 12 months then decide, but i do think UK is the best option myself. Perth too quietand the summer here just isn't enough to stay for good ..Wheres all the entertainment!!! anyone help!!!!

Big Galah

Compared to Perth can't say I blame them.

ozbound2

I have just arrived with my son (19) who was desperate to come so I'm lucky.his girlfriend arrives on working holiday visa next month..but I think he is a bit anxious about how he will get to meet people his own age etc..when he's not at school/college and people he works with are all 14- 20 years older..and neither of them are especially sporty. He is mad about cars though. I know this doesnt help your problem ( sorry!!) but would be glad of any tips from people about how to help them begin to network and make friends... and maybe that would also help your sons to put down roots here if they can build up a circle of good friends..?
jane

iPom

Bloody hell, some of the kids you're describing on here sound so selfish and self centred. Yes, I was once a teenager too, but if my parents had said 'we're going to Aus' do you think for one minute I'd have whinged on about my life being ruined? What an opportunity! My life as a teen was dull as shite, I'd have leapt at the chance of having such a massive experience.

As a rule, kids are selfish and self centred but they're not the only person in the equation... As for being here for three months and wanting to go home, there's no flaming way on this earth I'd let a teen decide the rest of my life for me. Teens are stubborn and quite often won't admit they're wrong, holding out on what they want until their last breath. Can you imagine going back to the UK just because your teen won't admit they're wrong and won't give it a go? How are they going to cope with the fact that their little strop cost mum and dad a different life in a new place when they get to be mature adults?

You are the parents, they are the child, no matter how mature they think they are. You make the decisions for the betterment of their lives until they are legally old enough to make decisions themselves.

Fine, take into account their desires and feelings. I am not saying this should be an autocratic ruling on their lives, but for goodness' sake, get a grip.

If they want to leave when they're 18 then fine. That's their right.

SRD, if your kids want to pile a shit load of grief on you because they're too stuck in their ruts to have the gumption to do something different, then so be it. They'll work it out.

I thought it was meant to be adults who were stubborn and set in their ways but from reading this stuff, it seems it's the teens who are the Victor Meldrew's of the world, spoiling it for everyone else because they can't get what they want!

All praise to the parents who've left their kids and helped them be independent adults... great stuff.

As for guilt being stamped on your forehead until the day you die, well it's only there if you let it.
You have a right as a parent to live your life too and be happy in it.
Some of these teens need a major boost of maturity it seems. And a major kick up the arse to stop being so damn selfish.

ray2gill

[QUOTE=srd] I don't believe that a 17 & 19 year old can't fend for themselves. They can shop, cook do washing & ironing surely? If you give up your dream you will regret it. You will make the sacrifice and they will go ff and live their own lives leaving you unhappy and all the what if's.

Just tell them, if they change their minds the tickets are there for them. That sounds cold hearted I know, but the reality is that unless you are the type of mum that does absolutely everything for them (in which case any future daughter-in-law will positively hate you!) they will cope or decide to join you.

You can keep in touch with phone calls, web cams etc. I know it tears you apart, but it does when they choose to leave home anyway. Teenagers are very adept at using emotional blackmail to achieve what they want, but do not have the maturity to consider others feelings.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Bob AG

From my own personal experience, my parents felt guilty about everything!!! Suppose that's what being a parent is!!

Being howeve rmany '000s of miles away has not made much difference, as I actually talk more with them being in OZ than I ever did staying 4 miles down the road back home.

And as my older sister (along with the only 3 grandkids) also moved over here this year, I have actually spent more time with the "old dears" in the last 12 months than I had in the previous 10, they keep 'popping over' for a month or so at a time!!!

I think your boys will respect you more for letting them go, and knowing that you will still be there for them, even if it is a bit far!, will help them immensely. They will mature far more quickly, and - in my opinion - be more likely to keep you informed of any ups and downs they ahve as they know that you can only nag from afar!

As a bonus, the time difference means when they do phone at 4am after a good night out you will be up and about!!

Let them have a shot - sure they will be all the better for it!! and you too!! my mother said she was able to relax much more once I'd moved to Oz! "What she doesn't know, etc etc "

moneypenny20

I hate to state the "bleeding obvious" but did any of us have kids assuming they were never going to leave home and have their own lives and families I adore my two girls to death but at some point in the next 10 years, they are going to leave our home and find one of their own. It is totally irrelevant whether you live in the UK or Aus - it's going to happen. Yes it's hard but for crying out loud, for anyone to say that the family is not going to do something because one child or very young adult doesn't want to is ludicrous.

There was a family on here briefly who sold up and shipped out with one child very anti. After a very expensive long world trip to get here (buttering up said child) after three weeks of child behaving like a total brat and being allowed to, the family turned round and went back to the UK. Presumably that child will never now leave home and every thing will for ever more be hunky dory - I don't think so.

As parents we are 24/7 putting our children first but we do not let them get away with murder and if we say as a family we are going to do x, y, z then that's what's going to happen end of. We are the adults and they are the children.

Rant over. As you were

sunbather

Bravo!!!

katsmajic

Great Post ipom, money, n bob
I agree, yes it helps if teenagers are up for the 'adventure' if not its hard work, but there is so much for kids to get involved in...if they really want to! thats where ever they are UK or OZ.
Familys should pull together, not be dictated to by one member, especially a child!

iPom

No that's really not what being a parent is. Being a parent is about raising sucessful children to become sucessful adults by example and direction, encouragement and praise. It is not about guilt. My 9 year old has more consideration in her entire body than the teens described on this thread because we've bought her up to consider other people's feelings in the same way I was bought up to consider others.

I have no guilt whatsoever from bringing my 3 here. Why should I? I am sorry they have lost their friends but they stay in touch via email and webcam. THAT'S LIFE. There isn't only one way of doing something, there isn't only one country to live in but there is only ONE life.

Parents should be living theirs and showing their kids how to do it. Feeling all this angst because their teens are making them feel crap is just madness. Get out there, get going and live because you only get the once to try it.

srd

Thank you to all the replies, i think when i wrote i was very low, and still am, the issue is not that i dont want them to leave home,the eldest who is 19 needs to leave home and soon, he is very abusive towards me and i think it is the right thing for all of us that he does not move back to oz with us. We need to have space (emotional space) from him. No i dont want either of them to ruin our dream, but i would like the middle one to be part of it. But your replies have helped me to put it all into perspective again and gain strength to do the right thing for us as the adults, thanks.

iPom

SRD, I am sorry your teen is being abusive to you. It sounds like moving to Australia and recapturing your life and your sense of self is probably the best thing you can do, whilst he grows up and becomes a man.
If the middle one doesn't come with you, then you've got to swallow that and take it on the chin. That's his decision, but I am sure he will come for a holiday... and then he'll realise his mistake, if indeed it is one.

Follow your dreams, srd. Don't put your life on hold for other people's selfishness.

srd

Thanks, i have read many of your posts on BE and you always talk such sense, its so hard to talk to friends who you can see as they dont understand the enormity of moving overseas. I think part of our problem is that it has taken us so long to sell our house this time so the move has been dragging on now for about a year. My eldest has always been very difficult, but his nastiness towards me has got worse, I used to think it was due to moving around ie to oz and back again, but he is not like this towards my husband. I think you are right he needs to grow up and be a man and discover that you cannot treat people in this way. Thank you again. srd

iPom

It is tricky for people to comprehend what you're doing unless they're doing it themselves. I wonder if your eldest knows how vulnerable you are and is really taking out his own unhappiness and insecurities on you? That's very sad.

Stay in touch hey, and let us know how you get on. You deserve to be happy.