Tazzy Update #2
Jan 9th 2004, 9:35 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Tazzy Update #2
I was reading the thread the other day over parent nightmare and thought, since Warren Dix (Jill) asked I’d just give you all an update on my situation.
I could go on for pages about the hell I’ve been through with my parents. The initial shock from dropping the bomb shell, has taken its toll on all of us.
Believe it or not, my parents really are the salt of the earth. I been brought up in a loving environment and have had a great relationship with them. And I can honestly say their verbal attack on myself and my husband is purely down to love and selfishness. The latter I say because they love me and my son so much they’d say and do anything to stop us from going.
Their tactics at the beginning were to shout, scream and make threats. Then they didn’t want to see my son as they said there was no point in knowing him anymore if he was going to be taken out of their lives. I stopped working with my mum (my choice) and my dad, who has always been my rock, didn’t want to speak to me and that really hurt. My Gran accused me of being afraid of my husband, that was the reason for me going and made up stories of abuse so that the rest of the family would shun us.
Although actually the rest of the family had the common sense to ring me up and hear my side of the story, and nearly all of them agree with my reason to give Aus ago!!
So, 3 months or so on and what’s the situation? Well believe it or not we are all talking again. From my point of view, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bare grudges. Fool you might say? Well, these people are my family after all, an even though they’ve hurt me, you could also say that I’ve hurt them back.
We don’t talk about Aus, its never mentioned, not even in passing. In the long run this might be dangerous, as I think both sides are bottling things up but I really don’t want to start WW3 again. They now enjoy seeing my son and volunteer to baby-sit on a regular basis. I’m back working for my mum on a Saturday and we just go about our business in the shop.
The amazing thing which I think you’ll be surprised about is that my parents have invited my son and me on holiday to Spain in May, what a turn around. But on a more serious note my dad has had a few health scares lately with his heart and blood pressure. Which I’m convinced that the worry he’s gone through in the last 3 months has not helped. This alone makes me wonder if its still all worth it.
My husband no longer speaks to my Gran (which is understandable). His parents are absolutely behind us by the way, which just shows the difference in two families.
For those of you who are going through the same pain, my heart goes out to you, it’s not easy but hopefully in time things will get better.
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Thanks again to all who have been concerned, Steve B, Jill, Noodle, Sunny Sam etc. I appreciate the PM'S.
Tazzy
I could go on for pages about the hell I’ve been through with my parents. The initial shock from dropping the bomb shell, has taken its toll on all of us.
Believe it or not, my parents really are the salt of the earth. I been brought up in a loving environment and have had a great relationship with them. And I can honestly say their verbal attack on myself and my husband is purely down to love and selfishness. The latter I say because they love me and my son so much they’d say and do anything to stop us from going.
Their tactics at the beginning were to shout, scream and make threats. Then they didn’t want to see my son as they said there was no point in knowing him anymore if he was going to be taken out of their lives. I stopped working with my mum (my choice) and my dad, who has always been my rock, didn’t want to speak to me and that really hurt. My Gran accused me of being afraid of my husband, that was the reason for me going and made up stories of abuse so that the rest of the family would shun us.
Although actually the rest of the family had the common sense to ring me up and hear my side of the story, and nearly all of them agree with my reason to give Aus ago!!
So, 3 months or so on and what’s the situation? Well believe it or not we are all talking again. From my point of view, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bare grudges. Fool you might say? Well, these people are my family after all, an even though they’ve hurt me, you could also say that I’ve hurt them back.
We don’t talk about Aus, its never mentioned, not even in passing. In the long run this might be dangerous, as I think both sides are bottling things up but I really don’t want to start WW3 again. They now enjoy seeing my son and volunteer to baby-sit on a regular basis. I’m back working for my mum on a Saturday and we just go about our business in the shop.
The amazing thing which I think you’ll be surprised about is that my parents have invited my son and me on holiday to Spain in May, what a turn around. But on a more serious note my dad has had a few health scares lately with his heart and blood pressure. Which I’m convinced that the worry he’s gone through in the last 3 months has not helped. This alone makes me wonder if its still all worth it.
My husband no longer speaks to my Gran (which is understandable). His parents are absolutely behind us by the way, which just shows the difference in two families.
For those of you who are going through the same pain, my heart goes out to you, it’s not easy but hopefully in time things will get better.
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Thanks again to all who have been concerned, Steve B, Jill, Noodle, Sunny Sam etc. I appreciate the PM'S.
Tazzy
Jan 9th 2004, 9:45 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Calgary, Canada
Posts: 53
Re: Tazzy Update #2
Originally posted by Tazzy
I was reading the thread the other day over parent nightmare and thought, since Warren Dix (Jill) asked I’d just give you all an update on my situation.
I could go on for pages about the hell I’ve been through with my parents. The initial shock from dropping the bomb shell, has taken its toll on all of us.
Believe it or not, my parents really are the salt of the earth. I been brought up in a loving environment and have had a great relationship with them. And I can honestly say their verbal attack on myself and my husband is purely down to love and selfishness. The latter I say because they love me and my son so much they’d say and do anything to stop us from going.
Their tactics at the beginning were to shout, scream and make threats. Then they didn’t want to see my son as they said there was no point in knowing him anymore if he was going to be taken out of their lives. I stopped working with my mum (my choice) and my dad, who has always been my rock, didn’t want to speak to me and that really hurt. My Gran accused me of being afraid of my husband, that was the reason for me going and made up stories of abuse so that the rest of the family would shun us.
Although actually the rest of the family had the common sense to ring me up and hear my side of the story, and nearly all of them agree with my reason to give Aus ago!!
So, 3 months or so on and what’s the situation? Well believe it or not we are all talking again. From my point of view, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bare grudges. Fool you might say? Well, these people are my family after all, an even though they’ve hurt me, you could also say that I’ve hurt them back.
We don’t talk about Aus, its never mentioned, not even in passing. In the long run this might be dangerous, as I think both sides are bottling things up but I really don’t want to start WW3 again. They now enjoy seeing my son and volunteer to baby-sit on a regular basis. I’m back working for my mum on a Saturday and we just go about our business in the shop.
The amazing thing which I think you’ll be surprised about is that my parents have invited my son and me on holiday to Spain in May, what a turn around. But on a more serious note my dad has had a few health scares lately with his heart and blood pressure. Which I’m convinced that the worry he’s gone through in the last 3 months has not helped. This alone makes me wonder if its still all worth it.
My husband no longer speaks to my Gran (which is understandable). His parents are absolutely behind us by the way, which just shows the difference in two families.
For those of you who are going through the same pain, my heart goes out to you, it’s not easy but hopefully in time things will get better.
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Thanks again to all who have been concerned, Steve B, Jill, Noodle, Sunny Sam etc. I appreciate the PM'S.
Tazzy
I was reading the thread the other day over parent nightmare and thought, since Warren Dix (Jill) asked I’d just give you all an update on my situation.
I could go on for pages about the hell I’ve been through with my parents. The initial shock from dropping the bomb shell, has taken its toll on all of us.
Believe it or not, my parents really are the salt of the earth. I been brought up in a loving environment and have had a great relationship with them. And I can honestly say their verbal attack on myself and my husband is purely down to love and selfishness. The latter I say because they love me and my son so much they’d say and do anything to stop us from going.
Their tactics at the beginning were to shout, scream and make threats. Then they didn’t want to see my son as they said there was no point in knowing him anymore if he was going to be taken out of their lives. I stopped working with my mum (my choice) and my dad, who has always been my rock, didn’t want to speak to me and that really hurt. My Gran accused me of being afraid of my husband, that was the reason for me going and made up stories of abuse so that the rest of the family would shun us.
Although actually the rest of the family had the common sense to ring me up and hear my side of the story, and nearly all of them agree with my reason to give Aus ago!!
So, 3 months or so on and what’s the situation? Well believe it or not we are all talking again. From my point of view, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bare grudges. Fool you might say? Well, these people are my family after all, an even though they’ve hurt me, you could also say that I’ve hurt them back.
We don’t talk about Aus, its never mentioned, not even in passing. In the long run this might be dangerous, as I think both sides are bottling things up but I really don’t want to start WW3 again. They now enjoy seeing my son and volunteer to baby-sit on a regular basis. I’m back working for my mum on a Saturday and we just go about our business in the shop.
The amazing thing which I think you’ll be surprised about is that my parents have invited my son and me on holiday to Spain in May, what a turn around. But on a more serious note my dad has had a few health scares lately with his heart and blood pressure. Which I’m convinced that the worry he’s gone through in the last 3 months has not helped. This alone makes me wonder if its still all worth it.
My husband no longer speaks to my Gran (which is understandable). His parents are absolutely behind us by the way, which just shows the difference in two families.
For those of you who are going through the same pain, my heart goes out to you, it’s not easy but hopefully in time things will get better.
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Thanks again to all who have been concerned, Steve B, Jill, Noodle, Sunny Sam etc. I appreciate the PM'S.
Tazzy
Jan 9th 2004, 9:51 pm
#3
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Tazzy Update #2
Originally posted by Tazzy
I was reading the thread the other day over parent nightmare and thought, since Warren Dix (Jill) asked I’d just give you all an update on my situation.
I could go on for pages about the hell I’ve been through with my parents. The initial shock from dropping the bomb shell, has taken its toll on all of us.
Believe it or not, my parents really are the salt of the earth. I been brought up in a loving environment and have had a great relationship with them. And I can honestly say their verbal attack on myself and my husband is purely down to love and selfishness. The latter I say because they love me and my son so much they’d say and do anything to stop us from going.
Their tactics at the beginning were to shout, scream and make threats. Then they didn’t want to see my son as they said there was no point in knowing him anymore if he was going to be taken out of their lives. I stopped working with my mum (my choice) and my dad, who has always been my rock, didn’t want to speak to me and that really hurt. My Gran accused me of being afraid of my husband, that was the reason for me going and made up stories of abuse so that the rest of the family would shun us.
Although actually the rest of the family had the common sense to ring me up and hear my side of the story, and nearly all of them agree with my reason to give Aus ago!!
So, 3 months or so on and what’s the situation? Well believe it or not we are all talking again. From my point of view, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bare grudges. Fool you might say? Well, these people are my family after all, an even though they’ve hurt me, you could also say that I’ve hurt them back.
We don’t talk about Aus, its never mentioned, not even in passing. In the long run this might be dangerous, as I think both sides are bottling things up but I really don’t want to start WW3 again. They now enjoy seeing my son and volunteer to baby-sit on a regular basis. I’m back working for my mum on a Saturday and we just go about our business in the shop.
The amazing thing which I think you’ll be surprised about is that my parents have invited my son and me on holiday to Spain in May, what a turn around. But on a more serious note my dad has had a few health scares lately with his heart and blood pressure. Which I’m convinced that the worry he’s gone through in the last 3 months has not helped. This alone makes me wonder if its still all worth it.
My husband no longer speaks to my Gran (which is understandable). His parents are absolutely behind us by the way, which just shows the difference in two families.
For those of you who are going through the same pain, my heart goes out to you, it’s not easy but hopefully in time things will get better.
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Thanks again to all who have been concerned, Steve B, Jill, Noodle, Sunny Sam etc. I appreciate the PM'S.
Tazzy
I was reading the thread the other day over parent nightmare and thought, since Warren Dix (Jill) asked I’d just give you all an update on my situation.
I could go on for pages about the hell I’ve been through with my parents. The initial shock from dropping the bomb shell, has taken its toll on all of us.
Believe it or not, my parents really are the salt of the earth. I been brought up in a loving environment and have had a great relationship with them. And I can honestly say their verbal attack on myself and my husband is purely down to love and selfishness. The latter I say because they love me and my son so much they’d say and do anything to stop us from going.
Their tactics at the beginning were to shout, scream and make threats. Then they didn’t want to see my son as they said there was no point in knowing him anymore if he was going to be taken out of their lives. I stopped working with my mum (my choice) and my dad, who has always been my rock, didn’t want to speak to me and that really hurt. My Gran accused me of being afraid of my husband, that was the reason for me going and made up stories of abuse so that the rest of the family would shun us.
Although actually the rest of the family had the common sense to ring me up and hear my side of the story, and nearly all of them agree with my reason to give Aus ago!!
So, 3 months or so on and what’s the situation? Well believe it or not we are all talking again. From my point of view, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bare grudges. Fool you might say? Well, these people are my family after all, an even though they’ve hurt me, you could also say that I’ve hurt them back.
We don’t talk about Aus, its never mentioned, not even in passing. In the long run this might be dangerous, as I think both sides are bottling things up but I really don’t want to start WW3 again. They now enjoy seeing my son and volunteer to baby-sit on a regular basis. I’m back working for my mum on a Saturday and we just go about our business in the shop.
The amazing thing which I think you’ll be surprised about is that my parents have invited my son and me on holiday to Spain in May, what a turn around. But on a more serious note my dad has had a few health scares lately with his heart and blood pressure. Which I’m convinced that the worry he’s gone through in the last 3 months has not helped. This alone makes me wonder if its still all worth it.
My husband no longer speaks to my Gran (which is understandable). His parents are absolutely behind us by the way, which just shows the difference in two families.
For those of you who are going through the same pain, my heart goes out to you, it’s not easy but hopefully in time things will get better.
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Thanks again to all who have been concerned, Steve B, Jill, Noodle, Sunny Sam etc. I appreciate the PM'S.
Tazzy
Hi there Tazza babes !!!
Great to hear from you with some more promising news.
Each day it will get that little bit easier and you'll get that little bit closer to the dream. I'm like you I don't bare grudges and I honestly think it takes more guts to work through it how you see fit. It's whatever works for you, you know your family and how to handle them. If ignoring Oz for now gets you all speaking then that's the way it has to be. I'll lay bets on the fact it's the first thing they think of when they see you and the last thing they think of. So they are probably trying to stay strong too.
Keep strong and well done
Jill
Jan 9th 2004, 9:52 pm
#4
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
Glad things have resolved themselves at least a little, Tazzy.
We are currently in the 'lets just not mention NZ and it will all go away' with my husbands parents - the rest of his family are very supportive - and I am very interested to see how they are going to keep that up at our leaving do in four weeks' time! (I personally couldn't give a shit what they think and feel that NZ is just about as close as I want to live to them but it makes things hard for hubby)
I think that sometimes you have to be extremely bloody minded to be able to live YOUR life the way YOU want to - but it doesn't make it any easier and often a lot harder (talking to my mother is equivalent to banging your head against a brick wall and you have the headache afterwards to prove it).
I really truly hope that everything works out for you, Tazzy, and that your parents can come to support you in your life choice.
We are currently in the 'lets just not mention NZ and it will all go away' with my husbands parents - the rest of his family are very supportive - and I am very interested to see how they are going to keep that up at our leaving do in four weeks' time! (I personally couldn't give a shit what they think and feel that NZ is just about as close as I want to live to them but it makes things hard for hubby)
I think that sometimes you have to be extremely bloody minded to be able to live YOUR life the way YOU want to - but it doesn't make it any easier and often a lot harder (talking to my mother is equivalent to banging your head against a brick wall and you have the headache afterwards to prove it).
I really truly hope that everything works out for you, Tazzy, and that your parents can come to support you in your life choice.
Jan 9th 2004, 10:03 pm
#5
Finally back home
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: Adelaide, Sth Australia
Posts: 358
Hi Tazzy.
Really good to hear that things are a little easier for you now.
I have to say that we have been really lucky and both families, although not completely happy have never tried to convince us not to go.
I hope that the situation just gets better and you enjoy the holiday, if you go.
Best wishes
Sally
Really good to hear that things are a little easier for you now.
I have to say that we have been really lucky and both families, although not completely happy have never tried to convince us not to go.
I hope that the situation just gets better and you enjoy the holiday, if you go.
Best wishes
Sally
Jan 9th 2004, 10:03 pm
#6
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Pollster
Glad things have resolved themselves at least a little, Tazzy.
We are currently in the 'lets just not mention NZ and it will all go away' with my husbands parents - the rest of his family are very supportive - and I am very interested to see how they are going to keep that up at our leaving do in four weeks' time! (I personally couldn't give a shit what they think and feel that NZ is just about as close as I want to live to them but it makes things hard for hubby)
I think that sometimes you have to be extremely bloody minded to be able to live YOUR life the way YOU want to - but it doesn't make it any easier and often a lot harder (talking to my mother is equivalent to banging your head against a brick wall and you have the headache afterwards to prove it).
I really truly hope that everything works out for you, Tazzy, and that your parents can come to support you in your life choice.
Glad things have resolved themselves at least a little, Tazzy.
We are currently in the 'lets just not mention NZ and it will all go away' with my husbands parents - the rest of his family are very supportive - and I am very interested to see how they are going to keep that up at our leaving do in four weeks' time! (I personally couldn't give a shit what they think and feel that NZ is just about as close as I want to live to them but it makes things hard for hubby)
I think that sometimes you have to be extremely bloody minded to be able to live YOUR life the way YOU want to - but it doesn't make it any easier and often a lot harder (talking to my mother is equivalent to banging your head against a brick wall and you have the headache afterwards to prove it).
I really truly hope that everything works out for you, Tazzy, and that your parents can come to support you in your life choice.
Funny that my Mum gives me a headache after every conversation too !!!
:scared:
Jill
Jan 9th 2004, 10:15 pm
#7
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
Jill
The last three weeks have been wonderful as Mum is visiting my sister in NZ who won't let her phone me every five bloody minutes (hurrah for stingy sisters' boyfriends)!
Although had some bad news - sis called me on the quiet to tell me that Mum is planning to go and suss out the town we are moving to - including calling in on estate agents ARRRRRGH - what the hell do I do now?!!!
Hubby is saying No way is she living in the same town but I pointed out that the Human Rights Bill states that she has every right to go where she wants - when oh when will they put a clause in stating that offspring can decide where their parents live!
The last three weeks have been wonderful as Mum is visiting my sister in NZ who won't let her phone me every five bloody minutes (hurrah for stingy sisters' boyfriends)!
Although had some bad news - sis called me on the quiet to tell me that Mum is planning to go and suss out the town we are moving to - including calling in on estate agents ARRRRRGH - what the hell do I do now?!!!
Hubby is saying No way is she living in the same town but I pointed out that the Human Rights Bill states that she has every right to go where she wants - when oh when will they put a clause in stating that offspring can decide where their parents live!
Jan 10th 2004, 5:33 am
#8
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,814
Hi Tazzy,
Just wanted to say that I'm really pleased things are going a little better with your family - even if you are avoiding the topic of emigration at least you are talking again, which must be making things easier. Hope they continue in the right direction.
Pollster - my mum has just bought a house 10 minutes from my sister! Sister is now threatening to change the locks so mum can't keep calling in and moving stuff around, feeding the cat, tutting at the kids toys on the floor etc! She said its enough to drive her to emigration.........
Just wanted to say that I'm really pleased things are going a little better with your family - even if you are avoiding the topic of emigration at least you are talking again, which must be making things easier. Hope they continue in the right direction.
Pollster - my mum has just bought a house 10 minutes from my sister! Sister is now threatening to change the locks so mum can't keep calling in and moving stuff around, feeding the cat, tutting at the kids toys on the floor etc! She said its enough to drive her to emigration.........
Jan 10th 2004, 9:54 am
#9
Dutch expat/Aus citizen
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: South East, Perth (was Holland)
Posts: 5,789
Re: Tazzy Update #2
Originally posted by Tazzy
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Tazzy
And for those who don’t have this problem, please have a little understanding with those who do.
“I really don't understand how grown adults can worry about what their mummy thinks!
I thought emigration was about you and your own family? If your parents can't accept you for what you want, let them stew! �
This kind of comment really doesn't help.
Tazzy
Hope things start getting better
I agree about those comments.
For some of us, parents are still part of the 'own family' !!
Like for us, we both just moved out of house 2 years ago, get on great with both sides etc etc. See them both once a week, ask for advice, get help with everything.
And I can imagine it staying that way too. Of course it changes a bit usually when you have kids of your own, but then you've got the grandparents thing.
Well good luck to you!
Jan 10th 2004, 12:13 pm
#10
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Coogee, Sydney
Posts: 1,017
Tazzy
Good to hear you are hanging in there. Stay strong, I am sure it will all work out for you in the end. Northern families can be a strange bunch, as I know all too well !
Good to hear you are hanging in there. Stay strong, I am sure it will all work out for you in the end. Northern families can be a strange bunch, as I know all too well !
Jan 10th 2004, 7:42 pm
#11
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Re: Tazzy Update #2
Cheers buddies!!
Thanks for the replies
Tazzy
Thanks for the replies
Tazzy
