jwinch

Please can someone help me settle an argument with my husband

His parents divorced when he was five and have subsequently remarried but when I said to him that their respective partners were his step Parents :scared: he was horrified.

He refuses to put them as step parents on the application form as he says they are not his step parents as they never legally adopted him, and anyway he was 38 when his mum remarried.

There must be many people in a similar predicament

Are they step parents or not !!!!!

footie chick

Don`t know really!

On our application i put my dad`s wife down as my step-mum as she is a diamond and i consider her a step-mum and grandma to my kids. However my mum hasn`t married her partner so i just put on th app that it was a defacto relationship.

Sorry to be no help


footie chick

Pollyana

I think that technically they are step-paretns, even if they never adopted him, because they are both married to one of his natural parents.
However, whether he thinks of them as "step-parents" or not, they ought to go on the form. My fiance has 8 step-brothers/sisters, and has no idea where most of them are, but we were advised to put down whatever info we had. The only concession was that if we didn't know what country they were living in, we could put "don't know"!
Any help?
Pollyana

HeatherS

Yes they are his step parents. It doesn't matter that he wasn't adopted by them or how old he was when his mum remarried, so put them on the form!

joh117

My mum remarried last year and although I do not regard her husband as my step father I am 29 in the eyes of the law he would be my step father (I think) so I put him down on the application.

Like I said in my eyes and I am sure the same goes for him I see him as my mothers husband nothing to do with me.

Jo

Pollyana

Although you have to put their details on the form, there is nothing to stop you writing something similar to the comment on my own form. I have no idea where my scumbag brother is, and for my own reasons do not wish to know. However, I know he would claim me as a close relative if it meant the chance to move to Oz. I want nothing to do with him, here or there, so I just put his details on the form and wrote "Do not know current whereabouts, we are not in touch and I wish to have no contact with him" the case officer raised her eyebrows as she read it but said it was fine. Gave me a small amount of satisfaction to disown him like that, even though I had to admit to his existence. I'm sure some of you know what I mean.

Jacqui

I think they need to make this section of the form bigger, the way people get divorced and remarried these days! If I recall correctly there were only four lines for you to list your parents. Well my husband has an uncomplicated family, so just put his mum and dad. My parents divorced and both remarried, my mum also divorced again and remarried! So step-dad no. 1 didn't need to be included I decided, because in the eyes of the law he is no longer my step-dad (although he brought us up and I still call him Dad). Step-dad no. 2 I hardly know, but his name went down.

Now to the siblings bit! Hubby has 3 sisters, I have 2 sisters and 2 half-sisters. That used up all those lines. Hold on a minute, step-dad no. 2 has two children from a previous marriage, I had never met them and didn't even know their names, but in the eyes of the law, they are my step-siblings, so they had to be included. Very confusing.

I did start working on a family tree on the PC, I've tried a few different software packages, but none of them seem to be able to cope with all these extra "branches", not surprisingly!