Something to make you smile!
Oct 16th 2005, 11:50 pm
#1
Nicest member ( I think)
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Moggill, Brisbane
Posts: 1,030
Something to make you smile!
GOOD MORNING...!
Here are 2 to get you up and running & brighten this dull October morning...
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little ole lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least
4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I am shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks his last question. "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by the nipples."
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow. Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright.!"
Is it alright?" said Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'm, it's dead."
"Well you were driving, you go tell the farmer what happened!"
So the driver goes off to the nearby farm.
A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up. "Good grief, what happened to you?"
Victoria exclaimed as she saw the driver.
"Well ma'm, the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me."
"What the hell did you say?"
"I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
Here are 2 to get you up and running & brighten this dull October morning...
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little ole lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least
4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I am shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks his last question. "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by the nipples."
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow. Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright.!"
Is it alright?" said Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'm, it's dead."
"Well you were driving, you go tell the farmer what happened!"
So the driver goes off to the nearby farm.
A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up. "Good grief, what happened to you?"
Victoria exclaimed as she saw the driver.
"Well ma'm, the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me."
"What the hell did you say?"
"I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
Oct 16th 2005, 11:58 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: North Lakes, Brisbane
Posts: 93
Re: Something to make you smile!
Originally Posted by meelie
GOOD MORNING...!
Here are 2 to get you up and running & brighten this dull October morning...
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little ole lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least
4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I am shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks his last question. "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by the nipples."
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow. Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright.!"
Is it alright?" said Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'm, it's dead."
"Well you were driving, you go tell the farmer what happened!"
So the driver goes off to the nearby farm.
A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up. "Good grief, what happened to you?"
Victoria exclaimed as she saw the driver.
"Well ma'm, the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me."
"What the hell did you say?"
"I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
Here are 2 to get you up and running & brighten this dull October morning...
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little ole lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least
4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I am shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks his last question. "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by the nipples."
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow. Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright.!"
Is it alright?" said Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'm, it's dead."
"Well you were driving, you go tell the farmer what happened!"
So the driver goes off to the nearby farm.
A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up. "Good grief, what happened to you?"
Victoria exclaimed as she saw the driver.
"Well ma'm, the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me."
"What the hell did you say?"
"I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
Very good and it is not even 10 o'clock yet.
steve
Oct 17th 2005, 2:40 am
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2005
Location: Bunbury WA
Posts: 1,844
Re: Something to make you smile!
Originally Posted by meelie
GOOD MORNING...!
Here are 2 to get you up and running & brighten this dull October morning...
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little ole lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least
4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I am shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks his last question. "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by the nipples."
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow. Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright.!"
Is it alright?" said Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'm, it's dead."
"Well you were driving, you go tell the farmer what happened!"
So the driver goes off to the nearby farm.
A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up. "Good grief, what happened to you?"
Victoria exclaimed as she saw the driver.
"Well ma'm, the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me."
"What the hell did you say?"
"I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
Here are 2 to get you up and running & brighten this dull October morning...
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the club's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a Harley in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little ole lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least
4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I am shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks his last question. "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by the nipples."
Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo by her driver. Suddenly a cow walked into the road and, unable to stop in time, the limo hits the cow. Slightly shaken up, the driver goes to see if the cow is alright.!"
Is it alright?" said Victoria Beckham.
The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. "No ma'm, it's dead."
"Well you were driving, you go tell the farmer what happened!"
So the driver goes off to the nearby farm.
A couple of hours later the driver came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up. "Good grief, what happened to you?"
Victoria exclaimed as she saw the driver.
"Well ma'm, the farmer gave me this bottle of wine, the farmer's wife gave me a kiss and their daughter made love to me."
"What the hell did you say?"
"I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow."
Oct 17th 2005, 10:14 pm
#4
Nicest member ( I think)
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Moggill, Brisbane
Posts: 1,030
Re: Heres another one to make you smile!
A lady walks into a Mercedes dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a saleaman. With a pleasant smile he greets her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t yourself when you hear the price."
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t yourself when you hear the price."
Oct 18th 2005, 5:51 pm
#5
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,630
Re: Something to make you smile!
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse
Suzy x
Suzy x
