Parents are doing my head in (again)
Mar 13th 2004, 5:45 pm
#1
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Parents are doing my head in (again)
Just thought I'd have another moan about my folks. As you've probably noticed I've not posted much over the last few months, as I thought things were getting better between us and my parents, so not needed to let off steam to you guys.
BUT.....
this business of burying our heads in the sand and not talking about Oz in case we set off another row has just all blown up, like a big balloon waiting to pop!
I was working with my dad today, and having a tea break, like you do, when the conversation turned to what my parents were going to do when they sell their business (which is in the pipeline). They have mentioned getting a caravan and touring Europe for awhile and having a well earned break. I then said, I bet there's great camp sites in Oz, you could tour round Australia if you wanted an adventure. Oh dear, big mistake, everything then came streaming out about how they'll never ever set foot in the country, once we have gone thats the last they'll see of me. My dad said that he didn't even want to wave us goodbye at the airport because it will be too difficult to bare.
They plan to leave the UK for France or somewhere about a month before we go, then return back to the UK a few months after. They don't want phone calls on Sundays as that will upset them even more after we have talked, and they'll go back to square one of being upset. They don't even want to count down to Christmas visits as they couldn't bare only seeing me once a year. So I said well stay with us in Oz for 6 months or so (as they'll be retired) but oh no, they wouldn't get on with my husband they'll be tension and no we couldn't fly all that way, even if they broke the journey up !!! Aghhhh.
When I told my husband all of this he was gobsmacked. He said, didn't you turn round and say well, they'll grow old, sad and lonely. Because basically they are going to cut me off as its too upsetting to keep in touch as we'll be so far away!!
So, there you go. My parents are cutting off their noses to spite their faces I reckon. OR its a big emotional weapon they are using. Choose us or Oz. Nice!
Tea breaks are dangerous things!!
Tazzy
BUT.....
this business of burying our heads in the sand and not talking about Oz in case we set off another row has just all blown up, like a big balloon waiting to pop!
I was working with my dad today, and having a tea break, like you do, when the conversation turned to what my parents were going to do when they sell their business (which is in the pipeline). They have mentioned getting a caravan and touring Europe for awhile and having a well earned break. I then said, I bet there's great camp sites in Oz, you could tour round Australia if you wanted an adventure. Oh dear, big mistake, everything then came streaming out about how they'll never ever set foot in the country, once we have gone thats the last they'll see of me. My dad said that he didn't even want to wave us goodbye at the airport because it will be too difficult to bare.
They plan to leave the UK for France or somewhere about a month before we go, then return back to the UK a few months after. They don't want phone calls on Sundays as that will upset them even more after we have talked, and they'll go back to square one of being upset. They don't even want to count down to Christmas visits as they couldn't bare only seeing me once a year. So I said well stay with us in Oz for 6 months or so (as they'll be retired) but oh no, they wouldn't get on with my husband they'll be tension and no we couldn't fly all that way, even if they broke the journey up !!! Aghhhh.
When I told my husband all of this he was gobsmacked. He said, didn't you turn round and say well, they'll grow old, sad and lonely. Because basically they are going to cut me off as its too upsetting to keep in touch as we'll be so far away!!
So, there you go. My parents are cutting off their noses to spite their faces I reckon. OR its a big emotional weapon they are using. Choose us or Oz. Nice!
Tea breaks are dangerous things!!
Tazzy
Mar 13th 2004, 5:52 pm
#2
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Tazzy, oh dear you poor thing!! Talk about double standards - it is alright for them to go swanning around Europe but you are not allowed to think for yourself!! They seem to have forgotten that you have grown up!
Chin up Taz. Water off a ducks back
Chin up Taz. Water off a ducks back
Mar 13th 2004, 6:01 pm
#3
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Joined: Oct 2003
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Re: Parents are doing my head in (again)
Originally posted by Tazzy
Just thought I'd have another moan about my folks. As you've probably noticed I've not posted much over the last few months, as I thought things were getting better between us and my parents, so not needed to let off steam to you guys.
BUT.....
this business of burying our heads in the sand and not talking about Oz in case we set off another row has just all blown up, like a big balloon waiting to pop!
I was working with my dad today, and having a tea break, like you do, when the conversation turned to what my parents were going to do when they sell their business (which is in the pipeline). They have mentioned getting a caravan and touring Europe for awhile and having a well earned break. I then said, I bet there's great camp sites in Oz, you could tour round Australia if you wanted an adventure. Oh dear, big mistake, everything then came streaming out about how they'll never ever set foot in the country, once we have gone thats the last they'll see of me. My dad said that he didn't even want to wave us goodbye at the airport because it will be too difficult to bare.
They plan to leave the UK for France or somewhere about a month before we go, then return back to the UK a few months after. They don't want phone calls on Sundays as that will upset them even more after we have talked, and they'll go back to square one of being upset. They don't even want to count down to Christmas visits as they couldn't bare only seeing me once a year. So I said well stay with us in Oz for 6 months or so (as they'll be retired) but oh no, they wouldn't get on with my husband they'll be tension and no we couldn't fly all that way, even if they broke the journey up !!! Aghhhh.
When I told my husband all of this he was gobsmacked. He said, didn't you turn round and say well, they'll grow old, sad and lonely. Because basically they are going to cut me off as its too upsetting to keep in touch as we'll be so far away!!
So, there you go. My parents are cutting off their noses to spite their faces I reckon. OR its a big emotional weapon they are using. Choose us or Oz. Nice!
Tea breaks are dangerous things!!
Tazzy
Just thought I'd have another moan about my folks. As you've probably noticed I've not posted much over the last few months, as I thought things were getting better between us and my parents, so not needed to let off steam to you guys.
BUT.....
this business of burying our heads in the sand and not talking about Oz in case we set off another row has just all blown up, like a big balloon waiting to pop!
I was working with my dad today, and having a tea break, like you do, when the conversation turned to what my parents were going to do when they sell their business (which is in the pipeline). They have mentioned getting a caravan and touring Europe for awhile and having a well earned break. I then said, I bet there's great camp sites in Oz, you could tour round Australia if you wanted an adventure. Oh dear, big mistake, everything then came streaming out about how they'll never ever set foot in the country, once we have gone thats the last they'll see of me. My dad said that he didn't even want to wave us goodbye at the airport because it will be too difficult to bare.
They plan to leave the UK for France or somewhere about a month before we go, then return back to the UK a few months after. They don't want phone calls on Sundays as that will upset them even more after we have talked, and they'll go back to square one of being upset. They don't even want to count down to Christmas visits as they couldn't bare only seeing me once a year. So I said well stay with us in Oz for 6 months or so (as they'll be retired) but oh no, they wouldn't get on with my husband they'll be tension and no we couldn't fly all that way, even if they broke the journey up !!! Aghhhh.
When I told my husband all of this he was gobsmacked. He said, didn't you turn round and say well, they'll grow old, sad and lonely. Because basically they are going to cut me off as its too upsetting to keep in touch as we'll be so far away!!
So, there you go. My parents are cutting off their noses to spite their faces I reckon. OR its a big emotional weapon they are using. Choose us or Oz. Nice!
Tea breaks are dangerous things!!
Tazzy
My parents were the same when my sister went to Oz and married an Aussie - my dad reckoned they'd see her one more time in their lifetime....since then they've had 7 or 8 holidays in Oz.
When my husband and I then moved to Oz a couple of years ago they turned round and said that if they'd known 30 odd years ago that both daughters would desert them and move to Australia they would never have had us.
They're really good at the emotional blackmail stuff, aren't they!
Keep focused on your dreams...I'm sure your parents will come round. They sound like they like to travel so I'm sure the temptation of a few months touring in Oz will soon become too much too resist.
Or you could offer to stay in the UK on the condition that they don't bugger off to Europe for several month's at a time!!
Mar 13th 2004, 6:06 pm
#4
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Joined: Jan 2004
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Posts: 214
Originally posted by debsy
Tazzy, oh dear you poor thing!! Talk about double standards - it is alright for them to go swanning around Europe but you are not allowed to think for yourself!! They seem to have forgotten that you have grown up!
Chin up Taz. Water off a ducks back
Tazzy, oh dear you poor thing!! Talk about double standards - it is alright for them to go swanning around Europe but you are not allowed to think for yourself!! They seem to have forgotten that you have grown up!
Chin up Taz. Water off a ducks back
Mrs.Neal
Mar 13th 2004, 6:14 pm
#5
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Location: in adelaide and loving it
Posts: 1,086
i must be the luckiest person dad has just come back from spending the winter in portugal (to snow!!) and we have just broken the news to him that we have sold the house and will be off imminently
considering that he has just heard that my brother is being posted to singapore for 5 years he has been great even talking about organising a party and how he can now have really good stopover visits on the way to oz
dont know how i would feel if he started emotional blackmail as i am fragile enough at this stage of the game
good luck to everyone experiencing probs with their families as you really need the extra stress
arlene
considering that he has just heard that my brother is being posted to singapore for 5 years he has been great even talking about organising a party and how he can now have really good stopover visits on the way to oz
dont know how i would feel if he started emotional blackmail as i am fragile enough at this stage of the game
good luck to everyone experiencing probs with their families as you really need the extra stress
arlene
Mar 13th 2004, 6:43 pm
#6
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Posts: 1,927
Tazzy
I`m sorry things have not improved for you. My family are being just as difficult but i just ignore them which i realise is easier said than done.
Keep your chin up girl it will be there selfish loss in the end.
footie x
I`m sorry things have not improved for you. My family are being just as difficult but i just ignore them which i realise is easier said than done.
Keep your chin up girl it will be there selfish loss in the end.
footie x
Mar 13th 2004, 7:45 pm
#7
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Tazzy,
Live your life not your parent's lives.
Do what you have to do and if they truly love you which I'm sure they do it will all come right in the end.
Good luck - feel for you
Live your life not your parent's lives.
Do what you have to do and if they truly love you which I'm sure they do it will all come right in the end.
Good luck - feel for you
Mar 13th 2004, 8:04 pm
#8
Just Joined
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Location: south yorkshire
Posts: 6
Re: Parents are doing my head in (again)
Hi,
Its so nice to know there is somone in the same boat as me. My mum is driving me round the bend and we're only in the very early stages of applying to emigrate so god knows what it will be like in another few months.Every time we talk we end up falling out so the easiest thing is to not bother phoning anymore and thats what's going to end up happening.I live about 80 miles away from my parents so she is used to me been away from home but this hasn't made any difference.She even said yesterday she was glad they'd not written their will yet as she didn't want any of her money going to Australia.How nice is that(don't want their money anyway!!).She is making me feel so guilty she says we are cutting our selves off from our entire family, depriving our kids of grandparents and keeps phoning up crying!.All I can say is try and ignore it cos thats what I'm trying to do we're going and thats that if she doesn't like it thats her tough luck!!You must think about yourself,your husband and your baby they are the only people that count. If you ever want to moan to me I don't mind as I know i'll have alot more moaning to do too!!Like everyone else has said keep your chin up your not the only one!! Hope things gradually improve.Lynnex
Its so nice to know there is somone in the same boat as me. My mum is driving me round the bend and we're only in the very early stages of applying to emigrate so god knows what it will be like in another few months.Every time we talk we end up falling out so the easiest thing is to not bother phoning anymore and thats what's going to end up happening.I live about 80 miles away from my parents so she is used to me been away from home but this hasn't made any difference.She even said yesterday she was glad they'd not written their will yet as she didn't want any of her money going to Australia.How nice is that(don't want their money anyway!!).She is making me feel so guilty she says we are cutting our selves off from our entire family, depriving our kids of grandparents and keeps phoning up crying!.All I can say is try and ignore it cos thats what I'm trying to do we're going and thats that if she doesn't like it thats her tough luck!!You must think about yourself,your husband and your baby they are the only people that count. If you ever want to moan to me I don't mind as I know i'll have alot more moaning to do too!!Like everyone else has said keep your chin up your not the only one!! Hope things gradually improve.Lynnex
Mar 13th 2004, 8:27 pm
#9
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Location: Sittingbourne, Kent
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When we first told my family that we were planning on moving to Australia my brother was very supportive, my parents wouldn't talk about it and my sister, like your parents Tazzy said that she would never step foot in Australia.
Recently my parents have been talking about our plans and the next stage of the process, but they still don't seem happy about it. I haven't had any blackmail yet, but I am waiting for it.
I have just realised that this is what I have wanted to do since I was a teenager, Kevin and myself have spoken about doing since before we got married 6 years ago so I feel that we just have to do it.
If we end up back here in 3 years time and everyone says "I told you so" then so what, at least we had the guts to go through it and give our kids something better.
Recently my parents have been talking about our plans and the next stage of the process, but they still don't seem happy about it. I haven't had any blackmail yet, but I am waiting for it.
I have just realised that this is what I have wanted to do since I was a teenager, Kevin and myself have spoken about doing since before we got married 6 years ago so I feel that we just have to do it.
If we end up back here in 3 years time and everyone says "I told you so" then so what, at least we had the guts to go through it and give our kids something better.
Mar 13th 2004, 9:20 pm
#10
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Location: Peterborough, UK
Posts: 37
Re: Parents are doing my head in (again)
Keep your chin up, Tazzy.
We have decided not to tell anyone until we have received our skills assessments back (basically because if it's bad news there'll be nothing to tell them).
Even so I am dreading telling my mum, especially as my hubby and I are hoping to start a family during the next year. I just know that she will be heartbroken but I have to focus on our life not hers - you must do the same.
However unlikely it seems at the moment, they will come around in time.
Good luck,
Sara
We have decided not to tell anyone until we have received our skills assessments back (basically because if it's bad news there'll be nothing to tell them).
Even so I am dreading telling my mum, especially as my hubby and I are hoping to start a family during the next year. I just know that she will be heartbroken but I have to focus on our life not hers - you must do the same.
However unlikely it seems at the moment, they will come around in time.
Good luck,
Sara
Mar 13th 2004, 9:50 pm
#11
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I can see why parents would be upset - but surely they must realise that you are going to miss them as well. You aren't moving to be away from them you are moving to make a better life for yourself and your family. It is going to be hard enough to leave your family and friends are start your life afresh without having parents blackmail you and say they are never going to visit or cut you out of their will, etc.
Thankfully my mother-in law is quite understanding. She is 90 and reasonably frail so she will never be able to make the trip to Australia. Despite this and the fact we are taking her 2 year old Grandson with us - she has not tried to put us off at all. We may however get some grief from my husband's sister about how we are leaving his Mum - but we will deal with that when it happens.
Good luck to all of you with non supportive Parents - I am sure they will come round in the end.
Thankfully my mother-in law is quite understanding. She is 90 and reasonably frail so she will never be able to make the trip to Australia. Despite this and the fact we are taking her 2 year old Grandson with us - she has not tried to put us off at all. We may however get some grief from my husband's sister about how we are leaving his Mum - but we will deal with that when it happens.
Good luck to all of you with non supportive Parents - I am sure they will come round in the end.
Mar 13th 2004, 10:00 pm
#12
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Posts: 3,533
Can I just put my twopenneth in here please?
After a year of my parents not really understanding why we are doing this and having the silence treatment and awkward silences on the subject of Oz, they came up today to babysit and they talked about Oz, without me bringing the subject up. They actually reckon they now understand why we want to go and it's a great move for us. With that I burst into tears and felt even worse!! Is this reverse psychology or something on their behalf?
Then my stepdad said something like..."it was bad enough losing the cat (she died a few weeks ago) but to lose all of you lot will be unbearable" Oh God.....I've got another 6 months of this!
I'm tired of all the emotions, I just want to go to sleep now and wake up there, in Perth and starting a new life.
It would be so easy to say "forget it all, we'll stay here" just to keep the peace.
it just hurts...a lot
After a year of my parents not really understanding why we are doing this and having the silence treatment and awkward silences on the subject of Oz, they came up today to babysit and they talked about Oz, without me bringing the subject up. They actually reckon they now understand why we want to go and it's a great move for us. With that I burst into tears and felt even worse!! Is this reverse psychology or something on their behalf?
Then my stepdad said something like..."it was bad enough losing the cat (she died a few weeks ago) but to lose all of you lot will be unbearable" Oh God.....I've got another 6 months of this!
I'm tired of all the emotions, I just want to go to sleep now and wake up there, in Perth and starting a new life.
It would be so easy to say "forget it all, we'll stay here" just to keep the peace.
it just hurts...a lot
Mar 13th 2004, 10:39 pm
#13
High in the Dandenongs
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: Listening to Puffing Billy
Posts: 9,183
I just want to throw another spanner in the works, sorry!
I have been here 5 months ish and never realised how much i would miss people i am close to. I have family here (my Mum and grandmother to name a couple) But i NEVER thought that missing other close people would be so hard, and i am the one starting a new life. They are your parents and this is there knee jerk reaction to you (an only child??) not being around the corner to have tea breaks with, they are gutted, understanably, so their reaction may seem harsh, but there are two sides to every argument.
Good luck with it all. x
I have been here 5 months ish and never realised how much i would miss people i am close to. I have family here (my Mum and grandmother to name a couple) But i NEVER thought that missing other close people would be so hard, and i am the one starting a new life. They are your parents and this is there knee jerk reaction to you (an only child??) not being around the corner to have tea breaks with, they are gutted, understanably, so their reaction may seem harsh, but there are two sides to every argument.
Good luck with it all. x
Mar 14th 2004, 12:20 am
#14
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Posts: 49
Well i must be the only ones whos parents cant wait to see the back of me !!!! No not really, what i mean is eber since michael and made the decision to go, all my dad has said is "have laways wanted to visit oz and now i have an excuse, what i think he really means is he wont have to pay for accommodation !!!! Either way will be fab for them to come. My mum was a bit apprehensive at first, I have got a job with a major hotel chain and all she kept saying was " have never heard of the Marriott, u really shouldnt just go for the 1st job offered at a poxy hotel !!!" After explaining it was one of the biggest chains in the world she has really some round to the idea. Only problem is now she is talking of spending the winters with us !!!!!!!!!!!!
As much as i love the old bird really dont want her for 6months of the year.
Good luck, and remember , dont regret the things you do regret the things you dont.
As much as i love the old bird really dont want her for 6months of the year.
Good luck, and remember , dont regret the things you do regret the things you dont.
Mar 14th 2004, 12:46 am
#15
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parents
my parents have disowned me and now my daughter has left home to live with her father. You have to do whats right for you no matter how heart breaking it is and believe me i know. Iv been off work 3 months due to the stress this has caused but it has only highlighted my need to get away from the UK and those who dont support you so good luck to anyong who is going through the same.
Maggy
Maggy