cookies

We have been very lucky and have support from all our family and friends-they see us as a great holiday destination!My mum made a good comment when we had thoughts about leaving them behind-if you wait until i die to do what you want then i could live another 20 years.That would make me 68 when i lost all sense of guilt for leaving her behind and too old to emigrate anyway,unless on a retirement visa!
How old are you?Surely there comes a point in your life when your family is your husband and children first.Selfish is the word that comes to mind although i shouldn't really comment too much as i have never been in your position.Good luck-hope you do what YOU want
regards Karen

Phoenixuk2oz

Tazz....folk react in the strangest of ways when it comes to change

Throw in a dash of parental emotion and a smidgeon of the unknown and here you have an "oil & water" receipe. The good news is........ if your parents didn't give a damn.....then they wouldn't be quite so emotional about it all

Just keep talking....and more importantly listening....keep your emotions in tact but explain and reconfirm your decisions. Stick to your plan. Logic, common sense and looking & explaining things from your parents perspective will hopefully win the day

Whatever happens you must do what's right for you. Mum & dad have to see their little girl has grown up & able to make her own decisions!!

Good luck for your new Oz life.........and hope everything goes OK with ma & pa

maggy

im 35 and they dont talk to me now and have changed phone number so i cant phone them. Its been very hard but like u say my life is now my partner and kids. I am keeping my fingers crossed for May. My new life in Oz

Mags

Pollster

Parents are a nightmare!

My mum ( widowed two years ago) thought up every reason under the sun plus some for my and hubby NOT to move to NZ - was very disapproving of the whole thing - said that where we were moving to was a little one horse town that no Kiwi's went to - we were making a mistake etc etc.

THEN... she was over in NZ before we came out as my sister lives near Rotorua - came down to New Plymouth a week before we arrived ( despite being told quite forcably to butt out), loves the place and has said she wants to buy a house here, ship my grandparents out and basically come and live in the same town - arrrrrrgh :scared:

Hubby's mother blames me for the entire thing and has said she will never come and visit ( which suits me just fine and she isn't bloody invited) and when we left hugged my hubby and said that she would always remember that moment as it would be the last time she ever saw him ( as apparently I won't let him go back to the UK ever). Hubby's dad doesn't dare voice an opinion.

Sometimes I wish the whole lot would disown us - it would be a lot less hassle.

I think the point is, Tazzy, that your parents may be iving you grief now but I bet you will have a job getting rid of them once you are here!

It'll all come out in the wash - try not to get tooo stressed ( easier said than done, I know)

marson

I can relate here taz, 'cept it's the wife's parents doing similar things,

"we don't want to get close to your new baby, because we'll miss him more..."

"we're not going to travel all that way to see you just to get upset when we have to go HOME.."

"I can't believe you're doing this to your mother..."

"how can you take our grandchildren away from us..."

there are more emotional blackmail quotes, but needless to say they step up a gear every time they speak to my wife.

THEY ARE THINKING OF EMIGRATING TO CYPRUS ! hypocrites

TRA? IMMI APP? no, the real challenge is the inlaws

Mike

Tazzy

They must be using the same handbook!! That all sounds too familiar.

Thanks everyone for your support. Reading other's threads it seems I'm not the only one going through this.

Good luck to the rest of you. I'll keep you all posted if suddenly things change, but for the foreseeable future it doesn't look likely.

Tazzy

gunnercaz

After reading all these posts, I realise how lucky I am with the support my parents are offering and give my sympathy to those that do not have it from their own parents.
When I first spoke to mine about going to Oz(not long after returning froma holiday there), my parents were supportive from the start...'go for it' they'd say - My mum (and dad if poss) has even promised on coming out there with me(if the visa is ever granted) and helping me to 'settle in'.
Mind you there is the emotional parts to it too - I was visiting my parents a couple of weeks ago and whilst standing in their sitting room chatting to my dad - He sat there looking at me with no expression on his face? When I asked him what was wrong, he replied...'do you realise that this time next year I may not see you again for a very long time'? and with that began to shed tears!! God I felt bad!
Live your dreams everyone and make the move whilst you have the chance!!

phyonics

I've not got it as bad as some people, but the emotional blackmail is still there hidden away, and my mum won't talk about it at all.

Anyway, I feel sad for them that they can't see what a wonderful opportunity this is for us.

I will keep in touch with them no matter what they do then at least I know I've always given it my all. It really is their problem to deal with if they're not happy, not mine. Only they can change their opinions or learn to deal with it - I can't do it for them.

You just be positive about what you're doing, and don't feel guilty - you're doing something fantastic for your family and don't forget that.

Marko

Go Banana's !!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tazzy
They don't want phone calls on Sundays as that will upset them even more after we have talked, and they'll go back to square one of being upset. They don't even want to count down to Christmas visits as they couldn't bare only seeing me once a year. So I said well stay with us in Oz for 6 months or so (as they'll be retired) but oh no, they wouldn't get on with my husband they'll be tension and no we couldn't fly all that way, even if they broke the journey up !!! Aghhhh.

Hi there Tazzy

Wondered where you where, remember being in the intial parent nightmare thread with you.

I've pasted the above as it is exactly what my Mum said to me, adding she didn't want hubbies Mum and dad ringing her when they got back from seeing us, droning on and showing photos. She doesn't want us to send her videos of us and she certainly doesn't want a computer and a web cam (which we offered to buy her !) as she can't cuddle it made me feel really crap.

It has got better and she has been more positive lately, as she has come to realise what it would mean to her, especially as we have more of an idea when we are going.

Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts and I hope it gets a little easier for you, as it seems to for me.

Take care
Jill

LetsFlyAway

Be grateful you have a family who love you so much.

Go Banana's !!

It's all relative, if they are making you miserable, it's hard to put yourself in others shoes.
Yes of course our families love us, but why should we be grateful for the kind of love that makes us feel so bad.

Jill

LetsFlyAway

Yes of course, I understand. I just wish I had a family that's all.!!

I think my post looked a bit hard, but I'ts just what popped into my head when I read it. Sorry.

Go Banana's !!

God no need to apologise, thought my reply was worse !!!
I'm not normally so outspoken.

Don't know your circumstances, but there are distinct advantages to not having family in the migrating process!!!!!!!

You did make me think and I will try and be a nicer to Mother - the guilt of taking her 6 year old grandaughter away is quite overwhelming at times and I dread the final goodbye. It's the only cloud over the whole thing. The rest to me is a walk in the park !!

Good luck
Jill

michaela

I think the best way to handle it is to make a deal with them, say u will visit them every alternate year and they are to visit you the years you dont come over so you get to see each other every year in one country or another. Do it with phone calls too, say you will ring every other week and they are to ring alternate to that, or more if they want too. Try and explain that you are going to miss them as much as they are going to miss you. Expplain they will still be a big part of your life and that you wont love them any less.

Good Luck

kaz101

You have my sympathy since my parents were like that to begin with...

When I first told my parents about the fact that we wanted to go my Mum's first response was what happens when one of use dies? To say that it hurt would be an understatement We both have said things that we regret and I can only say that try to see it from their point of view too and then maybe you won't have the rows that we did. However, we have kept talking about it (the tv series have helped), and I've kept repeating all the stuff we'll do to help. Regular calls, buy them and teach them to use a PC (with webcam), regular visits, teach them to use text on their mobiles etc... I'm an only child and with me the regular contact is a must, and it seems to be helping them too. If the meds go well we hope to validate them in January, and maybe my parents will come with us for a holiday.

As others have mentioned I know that I will miss them, probably more than I realise but we have to live our own lives.

My hubby doesn't really understand since his family aren't close at all. His mother cut him off when we got married since I wasn't right for him. She doesn't know that we're going and will have no further part in our lives. I can't really believe that loving, caring parents (and that's what yours seems to be) would really want that.

Most parents try emotional blackmail at some stage. Try to be strong and calm when dealing with them and keep focussed on your goals.

You'll be okay.

And if you ever need to talk hey there are loads of us in the same boat

Take care,
Karen