Damson

Our son has just started school (full-time at 4 years and 5 days and our daughter is 7 years), and I realise I'm pretty lonely and am just knocking about the place not achieving anything. I work 2 days per week and had plans to be painting, grand home cooked meals, shampooing carpets, gardening etc, but I just can't be arsed frankly. Most of my friends work and the couple that don't have small kids so you can't get a conversation anyway so meeting up isn't that enjoyable. I don't really mix with others in the playground (God I sound a real sad bugger) as I'm no good at passing-the time-of-day conversation. I do have 'brave' days where I'll approach people to make conversation, which invariably goes well as I'm fascinated (usually) to hear about other peoples lives which makes me a good listener. I do love a sit down one-to-one or small group of real chums type of natter though and am actually quite outgoing when you get to know me. My question is, does anyone have a similar personality and been in the same position in Oz and if so, how has it gone? We applied for our visa in March 2008 and have heard nothing yet so I don't feel in a position to get particularly stressed about making the decision on whether to go or not just yet, but my current circumstances are ringing a few alarm bells as to how well I would settle in. We went for a reccie earlier on in the year to Melbourne and absolutely loved it (especially the Ozzies we met who seem a friendly crowd) but it's not quite the same as day in day out. Hubby and 7 year old would go tomorrow if they could, but it would mean shutting our small business down (and all the inherant risks of starting it back up again, as clients will have gone elsewhere) and of course there is the schooling issue of if we do come back then they'll be a year behind, so it's not a case of trying it for a couple of years. Add to that the fact that Hubby would be ABSOLUTELY GUTTED if we came back as he's a gone for good kind of a guy. Part of me really wants to go as I'm 99% sure I'll love it there but it's the 1% that's the problem. Any thoughts welcome, thanks. Lorraine

ozzieclare2b

i have a small son whose at nursery during the week as i work shifts, so i know where your coming from. But when u get to oz your 4.5 yr old may only be in kindy as they start school later here. I think it is easier to meet people when you have kids.But I do miss my childfree mates from the uk as they added another dimension to socialising.

You will make friends, it just takes time, we have met some lovely people since we got here, but are just settling into getting to know a few select people better. There are people here who know everyone but thats not for me, id far have a few close friends than tons of aquantences. You'll be too busy at first anyway , ive planted a few seeds and im waiting for them to grow x

nicola27

Hi there. I'm still in england wishing I was in Oz. I can completely understand how u feel. I'm exactly the same. I also find it hard to get to know new people and strike up conversations. I have a small group of friends here and am worried about being very lonely when we get over there. I have a 10yr old daughter and a one yr old son. I was never much of a playground socialiser with other parents, but over the last few months have been making a concious effort to talk to others (all the small talk). my daughter used to go dancing and now does karate. I find that talking to other parents at these places really helps to build up the confidence (i feel my problem is lack of confidence to talk to new people). I think if you can make an effort whilst your stil here to talk to people outside of your group of friends (could be the checkout girl in the supermarket), I think its good practise for when you finally go over there. Also when you are over there, think about getting your children into some kind of club/out of school activity, you'll meet more people and have more of a chance at meeting someone you click with.

Sorry for the rambling, once I get going I find it hard to stop

Hope things go well. Keep us updated

Nicola

chocolatedog

Hey Lorraine

Just seen where ur from and even tho can't relate to the children thing I was thinking it was a shame I hadn't come accross u before as Cheltenham is where most my friends are (we lived in Upton Upon Severn) and we could have met up. Been over here 10 months now and altho going well need a group of friends - like my ones in 'nam. Altho most of my friends would say i'm outgoing it's only cos i'm comforatable with them - I strive with a small select group. Have to say, for us it's a better lifestlye here (perhaps i should say me - hubby still v homesick) and it is difficult to meet people but this site is great and through it u should meet people wherever u end up. Good luck with it all.

Regards Lee

Damson

Thanks all for taking the time to reply - nice to know you aren't alone. I had always thought I would be able to make friends through other mums at Kindie but at this rate, if we do go, little un will be just about ready to start school proper so that option will be gone, which is a big shame as I met some of my best friends through nursery/playgroup. It's very good advice to get some practice in socialising in this country in fact at a medieval jousting festival at Sudely Castle (yeh, I know, but eldest was desperate to go!) I struck up a conversation with two Aussie women who are from Melbourne who were on a world tour - how fantastic is that. As we were leaving, they gave us their home and email addresses which is something that just wouldn't happen here. I don't know if anything will come of it, but it was a very nice gesture and it's always nice to know there is a friendly face when you go somewhere, so maybe. Lee, it's amazing just how many people are abandoning Gloucestershire. If you trawl this forum there are loads of us. Hope you aren't missing Upton too much and hope you didn't get flooded last year. We were OK but didn't have any water for 2 weeks. I thought bugger this for a lark though, so me and the kids went off to Birmingham for a week to stay with my In Laws and it was brilliant. Did quite miss washing my hair in the free posh bottled water (and the stuff from the bowser over the road - er, not) in fact I came over a stash of the bottles at the bottom of the garden at the weekend. Never could resist a free bottle of something.
God, I'm rambling again and have completely gone off topic, so sorry about that.
Cheers again
Lorraine

kiwinow

Lorrielou, I can remember those days. I used to have days when I would clean the oven, the fridge, the kitchen shelves and bake cakes and other days when all I used to wash the dishes 5 minutes before the kids came home after achieving nothing all day. I think you will still make most of your friends through your kids for a while, even if they have started school. They will want friends over to play or stay the night, so you'll meet the parents through that sort of thing as well as if you volunteer to help in the school canteen or on school trips etc.

The other possibility though, even now, is that you could get a job with a few more hours now that the kids are both at school. A different job might give you skills to take to Oz, confidence and more friends and you wouldn't feel so housebound.

chocolatedog

Completely off the orig thread but at time of floods was living in 'nam as had sold all furniture in flat in Upton ( luckily it was a flat so didn't flood - altho basement of shop downstairs did), couldn't get back to flat for 3 days as floods cut off town and, like u, had no water in 'nam, bowsers ran empty, and were living with friends in a small basement flat - we were definitely closer after that exp!!!!!! Once could get back to upton, stayed there as was preferable to have no furniture than no water!!! All good fun - gives us something to talk about, eh? And, on the bright side, OHs mum had loads of bottled water!
You'll be fine re friends issue - it just takes a bit more time.
Lee x

James516

The Australian phrase is 'Nigel No-Friends' - starting to use the correct local slang might help

Looking forward to Oz

This is a really extreme suggestion but if you want to move to oz then it might be helpful!!...Give birth in australia!!

My sister recently moved to new zealand when she was 7 months pregnant and made loads of friends going to baby classes (i havent had a child myself so dont know what the classes are called - but its the place where you learn about giving birth and bringing up a child!). And because a lot of her class friends were in similar stages of pregnancy (biggest gap was a month) they all had babies at similar times. My nephew is now 9 months old and she is still in contact with her friends from the baby classes. All the mums meet up at least once a week and sometimes more. They occasionally babysit each others babies so the parents can have some alone time! And they have recently had a manic holiday where 7 babies and 7 sets of parents went for a holiday - close by (apparently babies dont travel well!).

The good thing is, the dads of the babies also meet up (without the kids) for a few beers and to discuss cars, gadgets and whatever else guys talk about!

I know its an extreme suggestion - but its something to think about - and its sure to help you and your husband (and your current kids) make friends!

purple rain

You will make friends, it just takes time, we have met some lovely people since we got here, but are just settling into getting to know a few select people better. There are people here who know everyone but thats not for me, id far have a few close friends than tons of aquantences. You'll be too busy at first anyway , ive planted a few seeds and im waiting for them to grow x[/QUOTE]

So true, get yourself out there, talk to people, go to meets, coffee mornings, play groups whatever it takes. Evebtually you will friend some real friends. It takes time for relationships to grow. Believe me, I planted my seeds and have had a few weeds but mainly they are growing nicely
jacqui

Wanderlust

Hiya,

I was the same way when our son was born. I didn't (and still don't for that matter) have any really close friends here. For the first few months I didn't achieve much either - sitting around all day feeling sorry for myself. I missed being at work, and although I didn't have any close friends there, I missed the adult company. So - I decided to get my act together and find something to keep me occupied and feeling productive. I started going to Uni on a part time basis, got involved in the local playgroup, took the little guy to swimming lessons and started getting to know my neighbours better.

I still don't have friendships here that come close to the mates I had in the UK, but at least now I know a lot of people. I get invited to parties, bbq's, kid's parties, etc, and it's really nice just to socialise. You never know, one day I might meet someone I really 'click' with and we'll become best buddies.

My advice is - when you get here, don't expect to make best mates straight away. Get involved in what's going on around you and find something to do that interests you. That way you'll be meeting people with the same interests and you'll always have something to chat about. Pretty soon you'll be bumping into people you know while you're out and about and life will be pretty good.

The best thing is though - I didn't lose my friends in the UK. We are still in touch on a regular basis, and have visits planned for the future.

W.

Funky Monkey

Hi Lorraine.

If it is hard in the U.K meeting new friends then it will be no different here. I would not let that put you off though, as people have said it is easier with children at school.
If you come over I would be prepared to be a little lonely at times & me and the wife feel lonely at times. Me and my wife are outgoing and I will talk to anyone but it is still hard to make real friends, as someone said that takes time but it will happen. Lifelong friends like some of us had in the U.K will never be replaced nor should they try to be, my stepbrother lives here and although we see him we still feel alone at times. I am in a running club and the wife does karate but they are just people we know in the clubs, although you usually gain 1 or 2 friends in time from my past experiences.

I would come out here expecting to feel lonely at times but again don't be put off, and don't expect too much too quick and you will be fine