Ozzy dog

Reading your thread I was really overwhelmed with how fair and grown up your being. Having three chidlren I'm very aware of trying not to do the things that hurt me so much as a child to them. Reading through the lines abit it sounds like your daughter may feel a bit in the middle. Isn't it hard when you have both sets of parents to consider and he may feel more loyal to his own quite narturally. Your daughter said the one thing I think I would have. We are only just at the beginning of our application and my mother is already gesting about 'granny anix etc.' This feels very over the top to me, and I would hate her to come to Oz and feel then that my options were being manipulated. (Not that your daughter feels this way) It sort of sounds like the type of thing her other half might say (for all the right reasons).

I would plough ahead, NZ sounds like something you really want.

Good luck and take care

Tracey.

debsy

Ailsa, I just wanted to wish you good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Ailsa

My first reaction was to say " So I should hope, at 60" meaning being grown up but then I remembered the signature a net friend displayed some time back.

Can't remember exact wording but something like:-

You can't avoid getting older but you can be immature the whole of your life

I do think you have understood what I was trying to convey.

jandjuk

Ailsa, I wish you the best of luck... though (as always!) I have a few thoughts...

I'm sure you would agree that it is impossible to judge your daughter through this thread.

Likewise, it is impossible for anyone here to accurately judge whether you are the 'best mother ever', or if your daughter may have some of her own reasons for hesitating.

I'm sure you're probably in the former category - all I am saying that many people on this forum have less than perfect relationships with their parents, and emigrate to make their own life, on their own two feet. The parents often have no idea....

It doesn't sound as if your daughter is in that position at all - but you should stay true to your word and not move in next door, or even to the same town. Likewise, don't assume you can turn up on her doorstep and stay for months while you set your new life up.

Just a few things to consider... from someone who's experienced the other end of it!

Ailsa

Thank you
I have a good idea as to why she is hesitant but it is not directly related to the relationship between her and myself.
No-one - but no-one is perfect
Also when new married (the first time round) we blithely emigrated to Canada and 'did our own thing' . We were supported by both sets of parents although I know it was hard for them. In fact I only realised how hard when my daughter also emigrated immediately after her wedding. I also supported them all the way although I was personally devastated by her absence.

Actually S-i-L ( while still fiance) had offer of job in NZ some 4 mths earlier than actual take-up. He turned it down first time because it took her by surprise and she couldn't endorse it immediately. I was one told her to go for it when offer was fortunately repeated. I knew it was best opportunity for them both , considering the job market in UK ( then and now)
Some years after our return to UK and my parents about to retire, my mother did suggest we buy a larger home with 'granny annex' which was a total 'NO-NO' for me and my Ex and indeed would not have been acceptable to either of my siblings . I did say early in this thread I would have hated to have my mother living on my doorstep. Hence I would not impose this on my daughter even though we have a total different relationship to mine with my mother.

From 2 long holidays in NZ already, certainly on the 2nd one we were looking at possible retirement locations and her home city of Auckland never made the top 5.
So you see I have experienced all the various stages discussed here. Fotunately I am also able to cast back and remember how I felt at the earlier stages of life.

We ( husband & self ) are discussing the various negative 'what-ifs' as we know we have to be totally comfortable with these for our own sake. We are both realistic and pragmatic but also from experience we know that if you face up to and prepare for the worst, it rarely happens.

I have really appreciated the support here, but you will understand I found it a bit difficult initally to post my situation when I had read so many negative 'parent' posts.

Maybe I have redressed the balance a little

ANA123

Ailsa,
no-one could accuse you of not thinking it through! I hope it all works out for you.
Just for a bit of balance on the parent threads, my parents have come to Oz with us and I am delighted to have them here. We wont be living with them but will be fairly close. I feel that having them here with us has made the whole experience much easier for me my daughter and therefore my husband.
I wish you well,
Michaela