happyscot

Ok so now I am losing it. I have been on GC for years and despite several attempts I still have no friends. Initially due to an extremely unsociable job and latterly due to me not being able to go anywhere with my baby as she screamed all the time. I live on the north side (nearer Brisbane my geography is terrible so I think that is the North). I am from Scotland and live here with my partner and my baby. My partner is not as social so this more about me and the baby. As much as I would love to go out for drinks etc I simply cannot go anywhere without my baby, unfortunately, I also can't really do any evening stuff, or drive too far as she gets too grumpy and it makes me ill. I suppose all that's wrong with her is that she had an extreme case of colic which she has now mostly grown out of but unfortunately, like I say has made me a wreck. Especially with no one to help or lean on. At the risk of sounding really pathetic that is my situation. Although I don't sound it I am a cheery person with a good sense of humour and a desire for good, long term friends. Let me know if you are interested.

happyscot

Anyway. I suppose the anonymity of being able to post under a psuedonym is inviting. I realise that this is turning more into a blog than a plea for friends and I also realise that no one will want to be friends with someone who sounds so depressing, but as I went away from the computer I realised that I just wanted to get it out my system and I figure that I'll just keep going. I am struggling with the crying baby - I mean we are both safe but it feels good to say I am really struggling. I do not love it here like everyone seems to but I can't go back. I think I could have loved it had I made friends. I do not have anyone to talk to and I don't do anything with myself. I tried to for a while but everything I did and do I do by myself which gets really boring and repetative. I don't know why I don't make friends (obviously I know that I will not make friends from this). I do know that I may not seem exciting to some people but I do want to be, I also know that I have no doubt embarrassed myself in the past and by doing this post. Please feel free to delete or move this post.

mango4

Ah hun, I feel for you but keep your chin up eh

What about joining a gym, they are social places, loads of mums and they nearly all have creches. You might also enjoy doing a class or something, will also help release some feel good endorphins!!!

I moved over here and joined a gym on day 3, it helps you make friends, feel better about yourself, give you more energy etc but hey I'm biased I'm a fitness instructor

Hope it works out for you, I'm sure someone on the Gold Coast will reply too

Sally Simpson

There seem to be quite a few threads re meets on GC.
Good luck, it can be hard & takes time. Have you tried any local playgroups?

Pollyana

Not everyone loves it here, don't be fooled Lots of others feel lonely and isolated too. Are you able to get out without the little one at all? Can you partner give you a break for a while?
There's a couple of threads running about meets down on the Gold Coast - http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=706184 and http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=711028

I don't know the posters on the first one, but I do know a lot of people who go to the Christmas in July meet - loads of families with small kids turn up for that, so maybe you could try and come along to that one?

happyscot

hi all. thanks for your replies. I'm sorry for being so dour am feeling better today.will def look at xmas in july, have been before but I'll try and find the confidence to try again. Have tried all the other suggestions posted but thanks for the input.I can go out sometimes without the baby but not usually for more than an hour or so, which I usually do once a week.I'll pick myself up and keep trying.

Sally Simpson

I re-read both your earlier posts & you sound very low & very tired. You are clearly in need of more support than you are getting at the moment. It is also very hard to be sociable, bubbly etc when you just feel like curling up & going to sleep.
Are there any mum & baby support groups in your area? Perhaps have a chat with your GP or Health Visitor?
Coping with a new baby, particularly one that cries a lot, is extremely hard, especially so when you don't have your usual support network. I am not at all surprised that you have not settled here as I am sure this has affected your view on things.
Keep persevering with whatever groups you can. Try to be relaxed about making friends ,give it time, it will happen if you don't try too hard.
Is there any chance of a visit from family or friends or a trip back to Scotland?
Good luck & keep posting on BE, it is great for support. Try posting in the Barbie section, it is a good way to connect with people.

happyscot

you are very right. I desperately would like to meet people but I can barely bring myself to leave the house, after all this time I feel like I have tried everything. I know that I have created this situation by myself and I don't know how I expect to meet people when I am limited anyway but even further limiting myself by my lack of motivation etc. Am going back in 10 weeks for a long holiday and my mum will be able to help with the baby so I'm looking forward to that. I really do hate that I sound so dull and negative cos that's really not me. I will keep trying and fighting the good fight.

Sally Simpson

You sound depressed & I'm not surprised either. Hang on in there for your trip home to mum & hopefully you will get some rest & support with the baby & feel better when you return & more able to be proactive once more.
Best wishes & do keep posting on the forum, it can be a real lifeline.

The Bloke

If you and your partner are into football, the annual Scotland vs England game is on with the annual Christmas in July.
Feel free to come along and make yourselves known.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=711028

Also keep an eye on the meetups forum because alot of things come up periodically or just a group decide to get together and do their own thing.

oz bound

sent you a pm x

rozellem

Hi, so sorry to hear you are struggling. Too bad we are in different states. Did you have your baby over here in Aus? The thing that saved me was getting involved with my mothers group. Now, 15th months later we still meet once a week for coffee, once a month for a girly dinner and the best thing is we email each other over the slightest thing (sick child, good news, bad day, interesting baby info, a kids shoe sale, any tips, etc.). Furthermore, I found that all the libraries have a timetable of things to do, especially something called rhyme time. Great to get out and brush up on your nursery rhymes (dont laugh). Then, most churches around us do a playgroup for two hours once or twice a week. You dont have to be a church goer. In Sydney they cost you $3 and you get a cup of tea and cake. The kids play with toys and make a mess, while we have a natter. I wont miss that for the world now, just a great bunch of ladies. The Australian Breastfeeding Association do many things that you can turn up to. You dont need to be breastfeeding, just not mind people doing it in front of you. Do go on their website and have a look. The worst thing you can do is to stay cooped up at home. I would honestly start talking to myself! There are also groups of mums that go out walking with their prams for a bit of exercise and just generally getting out of the house. Check locally. Remember, it is as important for your child as it is for you not to slip into depression and losing your mojo. What ever you decide to do, dont bottle it up, speak to your partner and even if it does not come easy, give yourself a little push and get out there. Walk up to a mum in the park and start a conversation. You never know. All the best.

chris notts forest

hi guys i live on the north side of brisbane i have been here nearly 3 years now im 32 years old i am single and get very fed up here at times aswell and would be keen for a meet if there is anybody in my area i also get up and down both coasts no problem

happyscot

Hiya all, Thanks for the advice and support. I just realised the football game is the day after I leave for UK. But anyway I am feeling a bit better even to get some messages from you guys and I am going to try some more.

i61w

I know exactly where you are coming from.....after 8 years we have found it extremely hard to find friends that where reliable. They have come and gone but now it seems through joining clubs we are starting to find real friends.
Although you don't realise it you are in a great position to find friends. As your baby gets older toddler groups and schools are a great way to meet people in the same position as yourself and it will get better.

Ian