boldon mackem

We got the VISA through this morning, so after much celebration and hand trembling, we now have to face up to the truth of telling everyone, we are going.

How has everyone done this? What would be your advise on what to & not to say?

I think both my family & the inlaws won't be happy that we are taking there 13 week old grand daughter away to the other side of the world.

Help please.

sasbear

Congratulations - but I don't envy you.

Good luck on breaking the news

camacazi

...congratulations on getting your visa

i don't envy you at all in having to tell your parents, did they know you where applying for a visa?

cambridge lot

We have only just made our 457 application, but thought we should tell our parents.....the in-laws went mental!:curse:
So be warned.
It's a good idea to stress that you will keep in touch, come back for holidays (even if you've got no intention of doing so), look forward to them visiting you , etc.
They can't see passed 'you're taking away my grandchildren'
Ever seen a 60 year old act like a spoilt teenager....it's very funny, but don't laugh in front of them...they don't see the funny side!

They can really send you on a guilt trip, but keep focused on why you're going

And by the way only one side are distraught, the other side are all for it....the opposite to how we thought.

Good luck.

dave7370

I told mine after my first trip that I wanted to move there, They were supportive enough but put it down to 'one of those things' I had in my head at the time.

Now that we have our visa they're still supportive and know we have to make our own way in the world. They'll be upset to see us go and the fact w're taking the first grandchild away doesn't help but they're not standing in our way.

The OH's mom wasn't too chuffed at the beginning, but has come round to it. I guess she hopes it all goes south and we come back tail between our legs but she'd never say as much.

None of our parents are coming to the airport but we think it's better that way.

robos

just be upfront and tell them outright, keep calm and focused and stick to your guns. they will give you their opinion but at the end of the day if you tell them how determined you are and the amount of plannig and effort you have put into the whole process then given some time to adjust to the idea they will come to realise that it is what is best for you, i am sure.

Toddy

IMO I would have told them from the outset, get all the negatives out the way first....good luck tho

Fly Away

Here's how not to tell the parents;

We had been discussing emigrating for some years and in Feb 07 decided to look into it properly. We discovered that we would only qualify for a sponsored visa to SA. Having only spent a few days in the State in 1994, we felt that we needed to have a good look. We came back from this reccie in April 07, convinced that it was the right move us. We decided NOT to tell anyone until we had our skills assessment passed in case something went wrong. A few weeks later, just after we had started the paperwork for the skills assessment, my FIL died. 3 days later our 7 year old told her newly widowed Grandmother that we were going to live in Australia. EEEEEEEKKK. We had to defend our decision to every known relative at the funeral. That was fun.

So I guess, it won't be that bad for you.

english-rose

i cant believe you have managed to keep it from them till now!

i told both sets of parents as soon as we decided to go, they both passed it off as me being a dreamer and ok lets see if it happens, they never actually said it but we knew they thought it.

now we have the house on the market and our visas should be landing soon they are starting to take us seriously and are saying things to make themselves feel better, like 'we will be able to visit' and 'we can come out to you and spend xmas in the sun'

we are taking 3 of their grandchildren away, and everyones heart will be broken when it finally happens, but you have to do it for the family you are raising NOT the family that raised you.


you have nothing to worry about, you are doing this because you want a better life, they should be proud of you and they will have to get over it.


go tell them and hold your head high x

Issie

We told them from the start of things......it's been a long wait for us and them but only 2 and a bit weeks left.

Hind sight i might have waited until we had the visa...who knows hind sight is a good thing

But in your situation....just be honest ...Be open ......and havve a stiff drink waiting in the other hand

Good luck mate

dave7370

My old man sent me this the other day, it had me right choked up.

I read this the other day in a book and it just seemed so appropriate – thought you might like it --

“It’s something called life. Children growing up, moving away, making their own way in the world. And that’s as it should be. After all, bringing them into the world was our choice, not theirs. Now all we can do is learn how to let go of them as graciously as possible, with no regrets”

We’re going to miss you terribly.

Love Mom and Dad

english-rose

dave thats lovely

im filling up now, my mom n dad have been just like that, so supportive and gracious, yet i know they are hurting but they are still there saying well done and go enjoy it

givemecoffee

We are due to fly in a couple of weeks and it has taken about 6 months for my parents to even acknowledge we are going. I wrote to them right back at the start even before I applied for jobs to explain our reasons etc as I thought putting it on paper may come across better. Also my family are so crap at intimacy! Anyway they refused to talk about it for months - didn't want it "rammed down their throats" - nice! They seemed to be completely in denial that we were going and it was never mentioned - very bizzare. But eventually they have begun to ask more questions and I now feel comfortable talking about it to them. At the end of the day they are just very sad and we are taking their only grandchild away from them. My advice is to stay calm, give them space to grieve and allow them to talk when they are ready. Try not to be angry or resentful towards them if you don't get a good reaction - they are just hurting. 6 months down the line and nearly on the plane, my dad has got the internet installed and us looking at flights to visit for next Christmas, the world is really alot smaller these days. Wishing you all the best and good luck to you and your family.

dave7370

Where in B'ham are you and where in Oz are you going English-Rose?

DEEDEE01

Hi All,

Call me selfish but, is it not upto an adult what they do ? At what point in life do you stop being bossed about by other people ??

I am 25 and the hubby is nearly 29, we both told our parents from the moment we started thinking about, and I also think they were in the frame of mind of 'It's a phase', but now it is getting closer they know we are serious but it doesn't seem to have changed their opinions, they are still supportive.

I can understand the grandchild thing but everybody has their own path and you must follow it, regardless of others, if it's what you want, go for it.

I would never let anybody change my mind if I have my heart set on something, I do it.

There will be the odd person whos says 'I told you so', but what exactly have they done, probably nothing ! Thats not to say there not happy, it means they have lived their lives how they want to. Everybody wants different things.

People have to live their lives to the full, if things fail, at least you have tried, better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all.

I think in situations like this, you need all the support you can get and family and friends need to realise this. I know it must be hard letting go (for all involved) but you have got to try. We explained from the start that we were gonna go for it regardless of what people thought, we were lucky I think.

Good luck to everyone who has yet to break the news, I'm sure things will be fine. Just remind yourself why you are doing it and who you are doing it for.

Good Luck

Donna.
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