How to tell the family???
Jan 8th 2008, 7:44 pm
#31
Happy where I am
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Geelong, Vic
Posts: 46
Re: How to tell the family???
We are very much in the same situation. My in-laws are fantastic and have wholeheartedly supported us through this. As for my parents, well theyve been a different kettle of fish. We told them we were getting the TRA in, it caused upheaval, I told them we were having our medicals, they went quiet on us, now its time to say WE ARE GOING and I am dreading it.
I can see their point of view but i just want them to say go for it while you are young enough. I feel like hubby is the only person who I can make plans with about the move, in an ideal world Id love to be doing this with my parents to but tbh, I dont think they will ever accept I am taking away their three grandchildren
I can see their point of view but i just want them to say go for it while you are young enough. I feel like hubby is the only person who I can make plans with about the move, in an ideal world Id love to be doing this with my parents to but tbh, I dont think they will ever accept I am taking away their three grandchildren
Jan 8th 2008, 8:01 pm
#32
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 860
Re: How to tell the family???
We are very much in the same situation. My in-laws are fantastic and have wholeheartedly supported us through this. As for my parents, well theyve been a different kettle of fish. We told them we were getting the TRA in, it caused upheaval, I told them we were having our medicals, they went quiet on us, now its time to say WE ARE GOING and I am dreading it.
I can see their point of view but i just want them to say go for it while you are young enough. I feel like hubby is the only person who I can make plans with about the move, in an ideal world Id love to be doing this with my parents to but tbh, I dont think they will ever accept I am taking away their three grandchildren
I can see their point of view but i just want them to say go for it while you are young enough. I feel like hubby is the only person who I can make plans with about the move, in an ideal world Id love to be doing this with my parents to but tbh, I dont think they will ever accept I am taking away their three grandchildren
Glad you are having positive vibes from in laws, it's the other way round to me. Can you chat to them about it and throw ideas and plans at them?
Jan 8th 2008, 9:24 pm
#33
Happy where I am
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Geelong, Vic
Posts: 46
Re: How to tell the family???
Yeah, I can talk to them but they live in Yorkshire, we're way down south in Wiltshire, we chat on a regular basis but its not the same as chatting to my own parents.
Still, we are telling them on Friday Will update you all to tell you how it went.
As my MIL says she didnt have her kids to expect them to look after her, she had them to go off and do their own thing and look after their own family.
Still, we are telling them on Friday
Will update you all to tell you how it went.As my MIL says she didnt have her kids to expect them to look after her, she had them to go off and do their own thing and look after their own family.
Jan 8th 2008, 10:24 pm
#34
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 6,600
Re: How to tell the family???
We got the VISA through this morning, so after much celebration and hand trembling, we now have to face up to the truth of telling everyone, we are going.
How has everyone done this? What would be your advise on what to & not to say?
I think both my family & the inlaws won't be happy that we are taking there 13 week old grand daughter away to the other side of the world.
Help please.
How has everyone done this? What would be your advise on what to & not to say?
I think both my family & the inlaws won't be happy that we are taking there 13 week old grand daughter away to the other side of the world.
Help please.
. As for telling family and friends, christ you've gone about it the hard way. We told ours right at the beginning before we'd even applied, the old 'we're thinking about moving to Australia but it won't happen for a long time' scenario. Mother devasted at first but came round over the next 12 months, now visiting in April, something she said initially she'd never do.Front up and tell them straight but gently asap; expect the absolute worst and then you might be pleasantly surprised. They'll come round eventually.
All the best.
Andy
Jan 8th 2008, 11:04 pm
#35
heading back to oz..again
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: sunshine coast
Posts: 417
Re: How to tell the family???
We told my mom right from the start about going and she never thought we would actually do it, i am an only child and its always been just me and my mum, my hubby doesnt have a relationship with his family so it wasnt hard for him to go, we have been here 9 weeks and really like it but when my mom rings i get so confused she cries constantly and tells me how selfish i am for taking the grandchildren away she said i have destroyed her life, her health isnt great and i do feel guilty cos she has no one to look after her how selfish am i? i just wanter a better life for my kids but she cant understand and said she will never forgive me, we were best friends and now we are strangers. Life is so hard at times
Jan 8th 2008, 11:19 pm
#36
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 6,600
Re: How to tell the family???
We told my mom right from the start about going and she never thought we would actually do it, i am an only child and its always been just me and my mum, my hubby doesnt have a relationship with his family so it wasnt hard for him to go, we have been here 9 weeks and really like it but when my mom rings i get so confused she cries constantly and tells me how selfish i am for taking the grandchildren away she said i have destroyed her life, her health isnt great and i do feel guilty cos she has no one to look after her how selfish am i? i just wanter a better life for my kids but she cant understand and said she will never forgive me, we were best friends and now we are strangers. Life is so hard at times
Once you've made the decision to emigrate there's a limit to the number of people that find it the 'right' decision. Is it right for you? Is it right for your kids? If the answer to both is yes then you can do no more for you and your kids, and expect no more form others.
All the best
Andy
Jan 9th 2008, 8:14 am
#37
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 860
Re: How to tell the family???
Hang in there Colly. I'm sure things will get easier / better as time goes by.
Once you've made the decision to emigrate there's a limit to the number of people that find it the 'right' decision. Is it right for you? Is it right for your kids? If the answer to both is yes then you can do no more for you and your kids, and expect no more form others.
All the best
Andy
Once you've made the decision to emigrate there's a limit to the number of people that find it the 'right' decision. Is it right for you? Is it right for your kids? If the answer to both is yes then you can do no more for you and your kids, and expect no more form others.
All the best
Andy
Yeah, keep us updated Wiltsgurl, I'll be doing it the day after you.
Jan 9th 2008, 8:54 pm
#38
heading back to oz..again
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: sunshine coast
Posts: 417
Re: How to tell the family???
Thanks guys i know ive done the right thing for my family.
Jan 10th 2008, 7:19 pm
#39
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Gold Coast
Posts: 130
Re: How to tell the family???
Hi Catherine...
Yeah, I think you are right...telling them this weekend is for the best as we won't see them properly after that for a month. Feel very responsible for any unhappiness they feel, but have been honest and upfront from day 1 as a friend pointed out to me today.
We are using it as a test time to see how we feel about Aus...we are booked to fly back in September but for £50 each we can alter the return date to up to a year from issue. Ideally the house will sell before Sept (or better, April,lol), we will fly back if need be to tie up loose ends. OH will get his licence and we will both do temp work, whatever to get some money in. Really, we are in a fortunate position in that we can be flexible (have interest only mortgage presently) but long term we would either have to rent our place here or stay here until it has sold (we have to be out properly to live by Sept 09.)
We are going to be living by the words "playing it by ear" this year
We'll be landing in Adelaide.
You are off to Brissy then, when are you flying out?
Yeah, I think you are right...telling them this weekend is for the best as we won't see them properly after that for a month. Feel very responsible for any unhappiness they feel, but have been honest and upfront from day 1 as a friend pointed out to me today.
We are using it as a test time to see how we feel about Aus...we are booked to fly back in September but for £50 each we can alter the return date to up to a year from issue. Ideally the house will sell before Sept (or better, April,lol), we will fly back if need be to tie up loose ends. OH will get his licence and we will both do temp work, whatever to get some money in. Really, we are in a fortunate position in that we can be flexible (have interest only mortgage presently) but long term we would either have to rent our place here or stay here until it has sold (we have to be out properly to live by Sept 09.)
We are going to be living by the words "playing it by ear" this year
We'll be landing in Adelaide.
You are off to Brissy then, when are you flying out?
Fingers crossed for you this weekend and big fingers crossed you don't need to come back in Sept! Don't forget to post how it all went.
I'd also say to anyone waiting to tell people about moving etc, just do it, because in our heads its telling them and then thats it, but in reality there's still lots of stuff to deal with that comes out once you've told them so try not to focus on that one conversation! There will me many more to come, or for those family members that like to bury their heads in the sand there will be no more mention of it - he he!
Good luck all! x
Jan 10th 2008, 7:34 pm
#40
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Gold Coast
Posts: 130
Re: How to tell the family???
Many thanks for you reply.... I know I'm extremely lucky to have my parents. They moved to France 5 years ago and were worried about leaving me on my own, I just told them it was their life and go and enjoy it. I'm big enough and ugly enough to get by and if I needed any help they were just at the end of the phone.
Nothing's going to change because we're in Oz, just the time difference.
Where in Brissy are you heading to?
Nothing's going to change because we're in Oz, just the time difference.
Where in Brissy are you heading to?
We're starting of staying with my Aunt in Camira, do you know it? Its near Springfield Lakes and the new Orion centre, Forest Lake is close and although its a little more inland / west of the city everything is so close it'll do as a start! We'll get a rental asap then start looking seriously about where to buy.
How about you guys, where are you off to?
I'm actually half french, some of the family still out there! Where did your parents move to in France? I guess they can understand the lure of a place as they've moved out of UK, its just hard to explain to people what it feels like to know you belong somewhere else!
Jan 10th 2008, 8:21 pm
#41
Ping-ponging Pom
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Midlands - Brissy - Midlands - Brissy
Posts: 355
Re: How to tell the family???
Hi Dave7370,
We're starting of staying with my Aunt in Camira, do you know it? Its near Springfield Lakes and the new Orion centre, Forest Lake is close and although its a little more inland / west of the city everything is so close it'll do as a start! We'll get a rental asap then start looking seriously about where to buy.
How about you guys, where are you off to?
I'm actually half french, some of the family still out there! Where did your parents move to in France? I guess they can understand the lure of a place as they've moved out of UK, its just hard to explain to people what it feels like to know you belong somewhere else!
We're starting of staying with my Aunt in Camira, do you know it? Its near Springfield Lakes and the new Orion centre, Forest Lake is close and although its a little more inland / west of the city everything is so close it'll do as a start! We'll get a rental asap then start looking seriously about where to buy.
How about you guys, where are you off to?
I'm actually half french, some of the family still out there! Where did your parents move to in France? I guess they can understand the lure of a place as they've moved out of UK, its just hard to explain to people what it feels like to know you belong somewhere else!
We're heading to Redland Bay and the surrounding area, looking to rent for a good while before taking the plunge..... but these things do change.
My old dears live half hour from La Rochelle in a small village of Le Grand Breuil. They run a couple of converted barns / Gites and they're doing very well. It's a lovely bit of the country but a tad quiet for us. They understand we want to go and have our adventure, if it turns into something permanent then they'll still be happy for us.
Jan 10th 2008, 8:54 pm
#42
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 860
Re: How to tell the family???
Hi SparkyWife! I love that, think I should change mine to BrickieWife but it doesn't have the same ring to it! We're off to Brisbane on 27th May - can't wait! We did think of Adelaide as its also great for Trades people but I just adore Queensland, we even got married there!
Fingers crossed for you this weekend and big fingers crossed you don't need to come back in Sept! Don't forget to post how it all went.
I'd also say to anyone waiting to tell people about moving etc, just do it, because in our heads its telling them and then thats it, but in reality there's still lots of stuff to deal with that comes out once you've told them so try not to focus on that one conversation! There will me many more to come, or for those family members that like to bury their heads in the sand there will be no more mention of it - he he!
Good luck all! x
Fingers crossed for you this weekend and big fingers crossed you don't need to come back in Sept! Don't forget to post how it all went.
I'd also say to anyone waiting to tell people about moving etc, just do it, because in our heads its telling them and then thats it, but in reality there's still lots of stuff to deal with that comes out once you've told them so try not to focus on that one conversation! There will me many more to come, or for those family members that like to bury their heads in the sand there will be no more mention of it - he he!
Good luck all! x
Sparky Hub had some bad news about his gran yesterday...she is very poorly and the docs have told them to expect the worse. We saw her tonight, and things are bleak. There is no way we can tell his parents at the moment, his dad is very upset about his mum.
Wow, you got married in QL, that's brilliant that you are going to a place that you know and love.
Will keep in touch...will be on these boards quite a bit. Have a safe journey over on the 27th of May
Jan 10th 2008, 9:15 pm
#43
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 182
Re: How to tell the family???
We told my mom right from the start about going and she never thought we would actually do it, i am an only child and its always been just me and my mum, my hubby doesnt have a relationship with his family so it wasnt hard for him to go, we have been here 9 weeks and really like it but when my mom rings i get so confused she cries constantly and tells me how selfish i am for taking the grandchildren away she said i have destroyed her life, her health isnt great and i do feel guilty cos she has no one to look after her how selfish am i? i just wanter a better life for my kids but she cant understand and said she will never forgive me, we were best friends and now we are strangers. Life is so hard at times
I absolutely dread telling our families - and I am not doing it until we have passed the medicals. Maybe I could just send a change of adress card whilst in Australia....
We are lucky, we have sisters and brothers living close to both set of parents, and we have never lived near them - so hopefully they will all take the news calmly.... Also I am not moving with the intent of staying forever - I can't decide until I have lived there. OH has a contract for 3 years and we will then decide if we stay any longer.Millie
Jan 11th 2008, 5:39 am
#44
heading back to oz..again
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: sunshine coast
Posts: 417
Re: How to tell the family???
Hi, I would imagine that your mother is grieving. She is lonely. Everybody she loved have moved away. I am sorry - I know that you probably don't want to hear that. But that is the reason for her behaviour - don't be to hard on her. She will hopefully calm down over time. Can you talk/see her over the internet? Because maybe that would help. Could she come visit? I really hope things will improve for all of your sake.
I absolutely dread telling our families - and I am not doing it until we have passed the medicals. Maybe I could just send a change of adress card whilst in Australia.... We are lucky, we have sisters and brothers living close to both set of parents, and we have never lived near them - so hopefully they will all take the news calmly.... Also I am not moving with the intent of staying forever - I can't decide until I have lived there. OH has a contract for 3 years and we will then decide if we stay any longer.
Millie
I absolutely dread telling our families - and I am not doing it until we have passed the medicals. Maybe I could just send a change of adress card whilst in Australia....
We are lucky, we have sisters and brothers living close to both set of parents, and we have never lived near them - so hopefully they will all take the news calmly.... Also I am not moving with the intent of staying forever - I can't decide until I have lived there. OH has a contract for 3 years and we will then decide if we stay any longer.Millie
Jan 11th 2008, 7:42 am
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 182
Re: How to tell the family???
I know but its hard, she has now said not to ring her for a while or talk to her on skype as it makes it worse when she sees the children on the webcam and cant physically touch them, she is now blaming me for my great aunts health as she is in hospital with breathing difficulties she says thats down to me for taking her reason for living away. Oh well life must go on ive just got to stay strong and not let anyone ruin it, hope all your plans go well good luck colleen
Oh dear – emotional blackmail! Not nice
Well it's obviously not your fault that your great aunt is in hospital. A bit of space might be good – especially for you. Millie