Thanks for that, it's not me that wishes to be nearer at the moment. That may change in the near future, though. If it does I am sure I would adopt this approach.

Thanks Allypally, how did you find the transition going back?

I think you highlighted a key problem for us - I am on a single wage and still paying for my youngest's education at TAFE, as well as suffering from previous trips back and bringing the kids out. I can't just head off back to the UK unless it is a matter quite literally of life and death.

I have tried unsuccessfully to ring every night, leave daily facebook messages and emails etc to keep the channels of communication open, but my daughter did not respond for several months until I finally got a very negative email from her. We have moved on a little thereafter, but the communication shutters are now back up.

You are right, I need to take a deep breath, realise that my need for a job to support my younger child put me in the position we are now and give my UK daughter time to do the same. I know that in my heart I based my decisions on what I believed to be everybody's best interest (they said that were all coming with me when I took the job). I have done all I can from a distance to support her, but as migrants do, I feel the guilt of leaving family behind. I originally posted the comment as I know it is something many of us struggle with.

I didn't even know you'd gone. !

...and are you equally as puzzled by those who love it in Australia but still post on here all the time?

...or are you simply on a wind up mission?

I think having kids on the other side of the world is always going to be difficult - we have had that for almost a decade as one kid went to UK for a gap year and never bothered to come back. Now we are on the other side of the world from our other son - he'll just have to get on with things!

In this day and age I think it is increasingly unrealistic to expect to have all your kids around you in old age. That makes your role as a parent a tad tricky but should we really expect our adult kids to do what we want? Even when we are sure we know better??? LOL

It really is hard when you dont have enough accessible cash or the free time to make trips when you need to but you can only do the best you can and trust that your kids, as adults, will do the best they can. You have the choice of living where you want to be and you have to accept that they have the choice of living where best suits them for whatever reason they may have for being there. Guilt is always going to be on your shoulder but, then, on here the mantra always seems to be regret what you have done not what you have not done.

OK I must have misinterpreted, I read it that it was you that wished the fmaily to be reunited.

In that case, then I think that you should really only move back for yourself or if say you had a very unhappy spouse, but don't move back for anyone else.

Lots of wisdom here too, thanks. What a bright bunch we all are on BE!! And what a wonderful community. I guess all of us on here have had to make the same decision and realisation, that somewhere a parent and children would be separated when we move. In our grown up children's eyes it is okay for them to move out and leave us, but not the other way round. Just four months ago my daughter was asking me to find out about house prices, jobs, schools and accountancy requirements because it was her and her partner that wanted to come out when she finished her training, not because I wanted her to. Then all of a sudden no contact for two months, and an out of the blue email with a sudden change of attitude that she feels deserted and unsupported. Not sure how to get her past the fact that I can't support her if she ignores my most-daily phone messages and FB entries for weeks on end asking her when she'll be around to talk. I couldn't even wish my Grandson a happy 6th Birthday as she didn't answer the phone.

Staying in the UK with Academia laying off staff all over the country, people with Nature papers not getting junior lectureships, no job and no money and a new shiny Doctorate was not really going to help any of us. Taking a chance to try a new place was.

We will sort this out eventually, but I think I now realise that this is not a good reason to move back. I do however need to try to get over there for a visit or vice versa to sort this out.

Thanks.

Thanks. I am spouseless, and my live-out partner was born in England, grew up in Africa, went back to England, hated it, went back to Africa to teach, went back and bought a house in England with his then-wife and hated it. Was too used to the African climate and open spaces. He eventually came to Australia and is still happy here 20 years later. So he is not going to be rushing back!! He also has an interesting perspective having grown up in a developing country when children would very often be seen carrying or looking after children almost as big as they are. Quite sobering really, we do forget how lucky we are to be in either country really...

Hi,

I'm married to an Aussie and this is my second time living here in OZ. I have 4 children back in Canada. First time I lived here they were younger and living with their father. After 3.5yrs here, and the birth of my Aussie daughter, I convinced DH that I needed to move back to Canada for my kids...so we did.

Spent 7.5yrs there, I convinced DH that we needed to come back to OZ for financial reasons (we are better off here) and so that our daughter could have a taste of life here in her home country (although she considers Canada her home, she was 2.5 when I moved her to Canada, so really the only home she's known)...my kids grown, getting on with their lives, working and college, living with partners and now my oldest (26) is pregnant with her first baby. I have no expectations that any of them will ever come to Australia to live. They would all love to come for a holiday, but I don't even think that would change their thinking...they are homebodies!

It hasn't been smooth sailing with my daughters at all, they were very angry with me...and were upset that I took their half sister away from them. We'll be here 2 yrs in Feb 2012 and things are improving with my daughters at home. I think because the oldest is pregnant, we are talking alot more. We are leaving in 3 weeks to spend the holidays with them, so they are excited and I'm excited. And I've planned a baby shower for her when we get there.

I know with my first grandchild on the way and when she is born, I may very well feel the tug to be home again, but, at the moment, my life is here. I don't call this place home, because it isn't....it is where I live, and where I plan to live for quite a few more years.

So while it hasn't been smooth, it is getting better, but right now I'm doing what I feel is right for me/us and our Aussie born daughter. So long as the communication lines are open with everyone at home and I try and get there when I can, I'm hoping that will keep us all going until I do go HOME to stay!

That's a lovely post, thanks. It made me realise that for all sorts of reasons, England no longer felt a place I wanted to be, and apart from family I have never regretted leaving, I am very sad to say. That said, I am not so hung up on Australia that if life took me elsewhere I would be incapable of translocating again. I have just found that by living out of England for almost 6 years, I really do not want to return. For my field of work, ironically the most up-to-speed country is Canada. I have considered it as an option because it offers alot of want Australia does, but would bring me closer to the UK (provided I didn't go to Vancouver where it is pretty pricey anyway). I was prettty upset when the move to Medicine Hat or Vancouver (DRDC thought they could employ me by gonig via UBC) fell through, so I guess it isn't so much that I am endlessly happy about Oz, just that I know the UK isn't for us.

I have more than happily accepted that my kids want to stay where they are, but equally it is hard for them to come to terms with what was a complex decision.

The good news is that daughter is finally talking again, which is great, and I now want to focus on improving their lives for them in the UK rather than spending heaps of money travelling. So driving lessons for the unskilled partner for Christmas, practical help to get my daughter's accountancy course accelerated so that she can not have to manage two jobs as well, and a chat with her Dad to see if he can help me get them a phone and internet line reconnected will solve numerous problems.

What part of Canada are you from?

So how do you define 'home'? As far as I am concerned 'home' is the place where I feel happy, comfortable and secure, and that is (currently) where my wife and dog reside.

Both my daughters and all my grandchildren live in Adelaide, and they would dearly love for me and my wife (their stepmother) to move back there: living in Brisbane we only get to see them 3-4 times a year. Maybe we will move back eventually (my wife also has sons and grandchildren living there), and when (and if) we do then Adelaide will become 'home'.

Nowhere in the UK is 'home' now: both my parents are dead and the family house sold (and renovated to be unrecognisable) and only my brother and his family remain to connect me to the old country.

"Home is where the heart is" sang Elvis and many others - they knew what they were talking about.

I think everyone needs to consider whether they wold make any move if it wasn't for family. If you go mainly to be with family, then said family decides to move to Brazil or Indonesia (for example) how would you feel then?

We have neither parents nor children to sway us but I think you really should live your own life for yourself, as you're the only one who is guaranteed to be there the whole time.

I'd go back in a heartbeat as I'm really fed up with being unemployed in Brisbane - I know there's a great demand for my skills (ICT) at home and was offered a couple of jobs when I was last in the UK. this summer
Thing is, hubby and kids are doing very well here and loving it, So we'll stay as long as our savings hold (or I get a job!)