Seabird

I am having some problems with my grown up kids in the UK who chose to stay there when I moved over with my youngest daughter 5 years ago.

I really cannot face going back there to live and am going to have to probably make an even tougher decision at some time in the next year about the rest of my life. The problem is I love this country with all my heart and want my kids to come out here, not the other way round as it is so much better for the grandchildren. I love my family with all my heart too.

Our worlds grow so much when we migrate that those in the UK are unable to comprehend our lives or our wider view of England, and this leads to bitterness and misunderstanding when we are honest about our feelings for our new homeland.

Would others with families find it as hard as me to even think about leaving Australia?

Seabird

chris955

Quite frankly no, not at all.

sonlymewalter

If your kids were old enough to leave in UK then presumably they're adults who have made their own choice and are happy there? On the other hand you love Aus and have made this your new home.

IMHO if Aus is your choice then that's the way the cookie crumbles. Kids go their own way, parents should too. Doesn't stop you lovin em...

quoll

Nope, not on your page at all - trying, in fact, to get the DS and DDIL to think about coming to UK for a 'sabbatical' because they had such fun when they were here on a 2 month holiday and absolutely adored the weather and the options for small children!!!! However the DDIL has a bit of a leech of a mother who would scream blue murder if there were any mention of removing the grandkids from her jurisdiction! (Other DS moved back here for a gap year and hasnt returned a decade later!)

I was never so grateful for a heart attack and stroke (my poor old dad) because it meant that it forced the issue for us to leave the a*se end of the world. DH had been dragging his feet and couldnt believe that he would be happy in UK however now that he realizes I do have to be here to support them (only child and all), he has been amazing and actually seems to be enjoying himself - already built a compost heap and bought a crowbar, joined a gym, signed up for a martial arts bootcamp day, getting his UK citizenship by descent.

Nah, I would have to be carried kicking and screaming onto a plane to get me back to Australia!

Sherlock Holmes

You want to be in Oz (which I can understand), the kids want to be in the U.K. (which I also understand). Why is that such a problem?

I'm a bit confused. You can't persaude them out here because it it better for the grandchildren. How do you know that? I might agree with you but plenty wont.

Anyone answering you can't answer without their bias based on what the they think of both countries. (I think, anyway).

Just don't go back. That's how you avoid returning.

Emigrator

I have been viewing these migration forums for a while without signing up & I have seen plenty of your posts about how much you hate Aus. What I don't get is why, if you are so delighted to be back in the UK, you are not out enjoying this wonderful life of yours instead of still hanging around these forums?

Kapri

Why are any of us on here? It passes the time whilst cooking dinner / we like lively debate / we like to relax by posting and reading crap etc
Some of us have posted on here for years and like chatting / debating / fighting with others that we have known a long time.

But then I suspect you know that, as this doesn't seem like a typical newbie post

quoll

I am! Not really hanging around so much as the occasional pop in - I am more in touch with the BTTUK lot with whom I have several connections (in person).

I dont spend nearly as much time on the net here as I did in Australia!!!!

Pollyana

You can't have been hanging around BE for very long really cos the question of why do settled people spend time on here comes up at least once a month!!!

Seabird

I realise that some people read this thread the wrong way. I was mainly interested in other people's experiences of balancing family needs in th UK with family needs in Oz. This is something that affects all of on here at some time. Nobody on here is aware of the inherent complexity of another's family situations so whilst a fantastic resource is not somewhere to seek qualified counsel. I was rather asking what practical situations have made others decide to return and how easily the scales tilted for them. Thought it may be a useful thread. For myself I just need to somehow find the money to get them over for a visit and then decide who wants to be where and why. Thanks for providing a spectrum of responses.

GoldCoastMag

Hi Seabird, have or will your adult children been for a holiday?

When my dad holidayed and loved it so returned to live here my sister was a bit upset. She came for a holiday but decided it wasnt for her, so it doesnt tick everyones box. but at least they could find out some of the things that you love.

As children often are the ones that emigrate leaving their parents "heartbroken" as per threads on here everyso often, it is just as normal for adult children to make their feelings known as well. It sounds as if you are being torn.

You are welcome to pm me if you want to bounce things off someone.

Seabird

Thanks Mag

I offered to bring all my children with me. My son decided to stay and do a degree and run his band, whilst my daughter decided to start her own family with her long-term partner at 20 instead of coming over.

I paid for my son, his partner and daughter to visit two years ago, as my daughter did not want to do the trip with a young toddler. My son loved it and wants to come over, but his partner is an only child with ageing parents, so I can understand why she wants to stay a while. Some of those complexities I mentioned that are part of real life.

He is now planning on spending a couple of months here on alternate years, which works well for all of us. Eventually they all want to head out, not least his stepdaughter who is pretty close to my daughter in Oz.

My middle child is managing two young children, two jobs and the third year or her accountancy course, whilst her long-term partner is unfortunately unskilled and spends alot of time unemployed. I flew back three years ago for the birth of the second child, and kitted her out with furniture, clothes etc, for them all. ANZ is still wearing the legacy of that trip.

Her choice to have her children in pretty dire circumstances is plaguing her despite her massive efforts. The UK pays very low wages to those at the bottom on the salary scale compared to Oz.

Unfortunately five years ago, I was unable to find a job in the UK and the only job offers I received were from Alberta and South Australia! Unfortunately Canada was out as it was a defence position and I was clearly a while away from Canadian citizenship, so I headed over to SA with my youngest, then 14, who had the offer of a Scholarship on specialiast music programs at Brighton and Marryatville Schools in SA.

It really paid off for her, as she eventually ended up at 17 leading the Proms at Adelaide Town Hall singing Rule Britannia! Lots more solos and paid work followed. I know that this opportunity would not have arisen in the UK, as it is much harder to get to the level of teaching that she had here as a result of being able to be part of smaller networks. It can go the other way and nepatism in Oz is rife on the job market. In fairness, this may not have happened in Brisbane (where we now live and there is much more competition), or in Melbourne or Sydney where networks are larger.

So I base my belief in it being a better place for children on its economic and physical environment (respectively maintained and damaged by the mining sector) and more flexible approach to individuality and work/travel culture.

I think you are right - getting them out here is the number 1 priority. Great comment, thanks.

Seabird.

Seabird

Nice conclusion - that must be why you're called Sherlock Holmes

alipally

I'm back in the UK now whilst youngest son has decided to stay in SA.... He had a bit of a drama a couple of weeks ago and DH got on the next plane to Australia, sorted him out and flew back a week later (still has jet lag a week on!)

The eldest decided to stay in the UK after validating his PR and finish his degree. The moment we moved back he moved back in with us! (:homy: he's 23)

I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't really matter where you are in the world, your children are your children..... forever, regardless of their age.

Whilst it would be nice to have them all in the same place, they have to make their own way in life, and do what is right for them.... And we have to do what's right for us.... Take a deep breath, realise that they're adults and be there when they need you (if yours are anything like mine it's usually financial aid that they need!)) but also know that you are NOT responsible for their happiness.... but you ARE responsible for your own happiness and you should attend to that first, because if you are not happy, you won't be the parent they need, even if you are closer, geographically speaking.

Not sure that what I've said is helpful, but it's how I'm dealing with it!

Bermudashorts

Mr BS and I are here whilst all our family are back in UK, we don't have children so it will always be just the two of us. We are very happy here and comfortable with that, but in the back of my mind I wonder if in the future there will come a time when I will want to be closer to family (siblings, nephews, niece etc).

If that day comes, then it wouldn't occur to me to get them over on holiday and hope they decide to move too. I would think, I was the one that emmigrated, I am the one who now wishes to be nearer my family and thus I am the one who needs to move.