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How did your kids cope???

How did your kids cope???

Old Aug 9th 2005, 9:36 am
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Default How did your kids cope???

Hi,

I dont really post on here very often although do spend hours reading everyone elses.

We are going over to Perth in March on a student visa which we know is a bit risky but at the end of it are hoping to achieve PR.

Now to cut to the chase, my son who is 10 has a very close relationship with my mum and after spending two weeks of the school holidays there I collected him at the weekend and brought him back home. While unpacking his stuff with him I mentioned something about Australia and he broke down and cried, well it was more of a sobbed his heart out and said that he was really sad about having to leave his nan and grandad behind and not being able to spend the school holidays with them, he also went on to say what would happen if they got ill, I have never seen him like this before and while I put on a brave face and told him that we are all going to miss people and we are going to have a great life in Australia etc etc inside I felt like shite and even as I sit here typing this I am filling up. I feel so guilty for taking him away even though I know in the long run it is for the best for us all.

So I was just wondering how all of your children coped with leaving family behind and how they coped once you were there.

Thanks.
Claire
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Old Aug 9th 2005, 9:47 am
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Default Re: How did your kids cope???

Originally Posted by claire33
Hi,

I dont really post on here very often although do spend hours reading everyone elses.

We are going over to Perth in March on a student visa which we know is a bit risky but at the end of it are hoping to achieve PR.

Now to cut to the chase, my son who is 10 has a very close relationship with my mum and after spending two weeks of the school holidays there I collected him at the weekend and brought him back home. While unpacking his stuff with him I mentioned something about Australia and he broke down and cried, well it was more of a sobbed his heart out and said that he was really sad about having to leave his nan and grandad behind and not being able to spend the school holidays with them, he also went on to say what would happen if they got ill, I have never seen him like this before and while I put on a brave face and told him that we are all going to miss people and we are going to have a great life in Australia etc etc inside I felt like shite and even as I sit here typing this I am filling up. I feel so guilty for taking him away even though I know in the long run it is for the best for us all.

So I was just wondering how all of your children coped with leaving family behind and how they coped once you were there.

Thanks.
Claire
Claire,

You have my heartfelt sympathy, this part is never easy. My sons missed my mum too. They stayed with her for a month before joining us in Aus & it was really hard for them to say goodbye. But they have survived and are now happy with 'phoning her or getting online for a chat. We've got webcam & it helps.

We also explained to our children that they could always visit or mum can come visit if the longing gets to be too much. It helps for them to have a mental image that this is not goodbye forever, just for a while so that you can have a nice adventure in another country together. I think this concept was what made the difference for my children. And next thing they saw we'd been here for two years & they had adapted & it wasn't an issue anymore....

There are, however, no guarantees as children differ. The best you can do is follow your gut instinct and do what's right for your family, then deal with whatever issues crop up, as they crop up, once you are here. It's no use being afraid of things that might not ever be an issue once you are here, because children are remarkably adaptable.

If, in the end, it is too hard, your option to return remains, but at least you and your son would have had this adventure.
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Old Aug 9th 2005, 9:51 am
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Default Re: How did your kids cope???

Originally Posted by claire33
Hi,

I dont really post on here very often although do spend hours reading everyone elses.

We are going over to Perth in March on a student visa which we know is a bit risky but at the end of it are hoping to achieve PR.

Now to cut to the chase, my son who is 10 has a very close relationship with my mum and after spending two weeks of the school holidays there I collected him at the weekend and brought him back home. While unpacking his stuff with him I mentioned something about Australia and he broke down and cried, well it was more of a sobbed his heart out and said that he was really sad about having to leave his nan and grandad behind and not being able to spend the school holidays with them, he also went on to say what would happen if they got ill, I have never seen him like this before and while I put on a brave face and told him that we are all going to miss people and we are going to have a great life in Australia etc etc inside I felt like shite and even as I sit here typing this I am filling up. I feel so guilty for taking him away even though I know in the long run it is for the best for us all.

So I was just wondering how all of your children coped with leaving family behind and how they coped once you were there.

Thanks.
Claire
Hi there, he will be absolutely fine once he starts school and makes new friends. We came over at xmas, my 12 year old did not want to come and hated it at first,now 7 month later he is so happy and loves it here, and does not want to go back. We left nana and grandad and we where so upset, and we left older kids as well, they have all been over for hols, and loved it , my mum and dad came for 3 months and they are coming out again at xmas. We have web cam, they have got web cam, and at 70 yr old they have learned to use the computor, isnt that wonderful, the kids can talk to them its brill. Believe me he will be absolutely fine. Denise in Bunbury WA
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Old Aug 9th 2005, 10:02 am
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Default Re: How did your kids cope???

This is one of the most difficult parts of migrating. We can almost 'seal' off our own feelings towards family, knowing or thinking that we are doing the right thing but children cannot do that, it's balck and whoite to them - they don't think of the future - why should they? All they know is what they have.

FWIW, our kids have got on here just fine. Very regular letters, parcels, e-mails and phone calls have ensured a continuity of the grandchildren / grandparent relationship, plus visits.

The kids are VERY (understatement of the year) excited to be seeing their 'Pops and Grandma' in 3 short weeks time and it will be a fun filled and action packed three weeks. They've also had their 'Granny' here for 2 whole months. Great for them, not so great for me!!!!

Anyhow, kids adapt. It's heartbreaking to see them miss things and people(If they do. We are lucky that ours haven't really missed grandparents, as the contact by other means is so regular), all you can do is what you think is the best for them. Then suck it and see. Nothings set in stone, you won't be denied return access to the UK if it all goes wrong.

Try not to worry. Chances are he'll be so distracted by his new friends and surroundings, school and hobbies that he won't give it too much thought.
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Old Aug 9th 2005, 10:11 am
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Default Re: How did your kids cope???

Thanks for the replies and I am pleased to hear that your kids are coping well with the adjustment.

I have told him once he starts school and makes new friends etc it will become easier for him, I have also got a brother out there so at least we do have a family member there, I also have a daughter who is 5 I dont think she quite grasps the fact that we are going for good so obviously am not having any probs with her.

Thanks again for your replies.
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Old Aug 9th 2005, 11:41 pm
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Default Re: How did your kids cope???

Originally Posted by claire33
I also have a daughter who is 5 I dont think she quite grasps the fact that we are going for good so obviously am not having any probs with her.
My middle chilld, 3.5 when we moved over actually found it the hardest. The older one had lots of close friends, but has barely mentioned them. The middle one is always asking when we are going back (he knows now it will only be for a holiday) and often talks wistfully of our old house, old area etc. It did help when all our stuff arrived though. Every time he had asked about his toys we had told him they were in the big container that came to our house, and that now they were on a ship on the way to Oz. From his delight when they finally arrived it was clear that we had not adequately explained that once the container reached Oz the contents would be delivered to us, and he would be reunited with his Duplo etc.

Regards, Kirsty
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Old Aug 10th 2005, 2:11 am
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Default Re: How did your kids cope???

We (myself and 2 kids - 7 and 9) lived with my mother and sister for 8 months before making the big move out here.
The kids were both really upset to be leaving thier closest relatives (and they were REALLY close) but they were also excited about moving to Oz.

It took them all of ONE day at school to be just fine. Made new friends and got right into the routine. Every once in a while they mention missing Canada (thier dad really) but they know that it's easily rectified. Just recently, thier auntie came for a month long visit!

Kids are very resiliant!

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Old Aug 10th 2005, 6:47 am
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Default Re: How did your kids cope???

Hi Claire,

We found that we phone the UK at least once a week, just to keep in touch. My girls (10 and 8) both have long chats with Granny, so she doesn't feel so far away, and she will be coming to visit later this year. If the girls have something special happen at school or sports, they always get straight on the phone to tell Granny, so its almost like she is just living in a different county rather than country. Phone calls from here are so cheap nowadays, and it really makes the distances so much shorter.

Hope it all works out.

Best wishes

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