cls
I would be very careful about taking advice about people who don't know you, regarding ending your marriage. They will not be picking up the pieces or anything else for that matter. All the best.

Thanks. It has caused a lot of problems and sometimes he must want to go as much as me. I'm so damn miserable sometimes.. and I want to leave but have to weigh up actions and consequences. Some days I could walk, as I'm sure he could. He still thinks he did the right thing by his family. maybe he's right. all the kids are settled and happy.. it's me that's the thorn.. but thank you 😊

Not one person has advised the OP to end her marriage, and I only refuted your ascertain that marriage is 'by far the most important thing'.

Me, I'd be careful about advising people to stick with a marriage at all costs - you don't know the OP either and will not being picking up the pieces or anything else for that matter.

Yup, that was my intention too!

The fact is cls is married. Let her work it out and not be swayed by the experiences of others who have had bad ones. Anyway, I think at the risk of pride getting in the way on all sides of this, we should leave it to cls. Good luck OP, I'm out of here.

Pointing out the one-eyed nature of your 'staying married is by far the most important thing' is not an attempt to sway. On the contrary, it's an acknowledgement that there is always more than one issue involved in such dilemmas as the OP's.

On the other hand, baldly stating that 'marriage is by far the most important thing' is most definitely an attempt to sway! And potentially a bloody dangerous one as well.

Ciao!

Only to take stock before breaking a life long investment. I think that is only fair. Anyway s.o.s. we disagree - no matter - all the best, and good luck

Same to you - we're all different