Gems

While I fully understand your dilemma.

A 12 year old is way too young too sacrifice for any romance. At this age kids very much need Mum.

I have children around the same age as yours, and I can say mine would be very unhappy at the thought of their mum jetting off in the sunset with a new man.

The 19 year old is difficult as classed as an adult (so may not be able to go on your visa). I left home myself at 18 and never went back. So I know at 18/19 they can be very independant.
However my own son is 18 in a couple of weeks, and he is far from being ready to stand on his own two feet.

Sorry its not what you want to hear. My opinion you discuss it with the kids, and try and take them. But simply leaving them is going to break a few hearts and could leave them with long term emotional problems.

J

ozbaz

Hi

I really feel for you. A dilemma always has an outcome which in some way is not satisfactory, but its a choice you have to make based on which solution is the one you can live with more comfortably in the long run.
being ' very much in love' can cloud your judgement at this point , which isonly natural but try and not decide anything based on your ' heart' and certainly don't rush into any decisions. You may find that in time your head will 'clear' and you see things from a different perspective.
Yes, you should be happy, but I doubt you would be if you drag your children away from what they know and away from their father. And as much as he says he'd let them go, he will have to suffer the consequences as much as anyone.
I don't know how long you've known this man in Australia, - but absence and time spend apart often makes the heart grow fonder and we tend to build people and relationships into something there would not be in the reality of a full time relationship.
Only you can make the decision but I advice you to sit on it for a while and let all the emotions settle. There may be times when you feel certain that moving to Oz would be the right thing to do, other times you may feel the exact opposite. As long as you are so torn between the two options you can't make a decision. keep talking to your children and visualize yourself in the future ...with all the potential consequences that could arise. Would you accept that your children can make their own choices, that your older children may not want to go, or may want to return to the UK one day?
Hearts will be broken either way, but children's hearts don't mend as easily and the long term consequences will have a big impact on their future lives.

I really hope that you will come to a conclusion you can live with ! In the meantime, keep busy, don't let this dilemma take over every second of your life.

Mrs Ozbaz

Betty Boot

My mum left me to live in Ireland with my Grandparents (dad had already left when i was a baby) to move to England to be with my now stepdad, although I didnt want to go at the time (didnt want to leave friends,school etc) i moved over to live with them when i turned 15. I have ALWAYS resented her for this, more so now i am a parent myself and cant understand how you could choose a man over your children. We now have no relationship whatsoever as her actions when i was a child just eat away at me - not a good way to be i know. My family find it hard to understand why it bothers me so much, i was well looked after by my grandparents, i am still very close to them now. I especially despise my stepdad too for 'taking her away', he had family in Ireland and could have quite easily moved over there. The weird thing is when I moved to Australia later in life with my husband it nearly destroyed my mum (shoe on the other foot) and the guilt i felt at what it was doing to her was so great that we returned back to the UK after 7 years (i also completely resent her for that too). Sorry for rambling, what i guess i am trying to say is think ahead to how it may affect your relationship in years to come, like i say i dont even talk now as i just find it easier not too (no pressure/guilt/resentment to eat away at me). Would you be happy with outcome? I know i wouldnt, I could never leave my children for anybody, i would have to be dead to be taken away from them while they are still in need of my love and care.

louie

Actually what is says is you need "evidence that the law of your home country permits you to remove the child to Australia". If you read the Wiki you will see that in the UK, children aged 16 or 17 can pretty much decide themselves whether they want to move to Australia (with a parent).