Margaret3

I have been to hell and back with my 15 year old daughter who, of course , doesn't want to emigrate, but i would say am a bit luckier coz she is 15 and not 17.

Our end result is she is coming to validate and returning to scotland to sit exams then coming back to oz, i hope !!!! I found i had to give her some sort of control and choice over the matter and this was the best i could come up with, and when she is living without us, i truly hope she'll realise she wants to be with her parents no matter where they are , but as i said there is a big difference between 15 and 17, although she will be 16 in Nov.
I would say try to come up with some sort of compromise, I wouldn't force anything on them, its not worth risking your relationship for all time

sasbear

Yep the very one- I am so proud of him . I have watched him grow from a boy to a man. He has seen me go through so much with his siter and has dealt with it with the mturity way beyond his years.

I will miss him dearly - and he will miss me - but we are only a call away

Margaret3

Sasbear , just wanted to pop in and say, i have appreciated all the posts and support you have given me in my struggle with my daughter, lets hope it works out or us all , but at least i won't resent the fact i didn't give it a go

tracey.d

There seems to be some kind of pattern here. Is it always the girls

Margaret3

think your onto something there , i would agree , i think in general the girls are worse, and so are their hormones

tracey.d

I hope you're right. My girls are 16 and 17, my sons only 11. I dont think I can cope with it all again

sasbear

Thanks - only time will tell Margaret

And yes Tracey I really do think the majority of troubles are the daughters IMO.

They mature quicker I think and they seem to struggle with the 'growing up and independance' side of things. The boys don't spend too much time dwelling on stuff that the girls do (not to say that the boys are shallow) .

When the girls get to about 14 they seem to change. I have watched it happen to my daughter and step-daughter . my son has changed gradually over the period of being 16/17 to 20.

Sas

tracey.d

Thats a relief then

frances

HI,

We have moved over with my daughter 13 and son 17, and Stephen has found it the hardest, he has his off days and has just started Tafe, they do find it really hard and he says he is definetely going back to the UK in a year or two, I hope he doesn't but even if he does he may decide to come back, they are at a very awkward age, and it is hard for your daughter if she has a boyfriend that she probably won't even be with in a few months but they cant see the wood for the trees as they say. Tell her that if she doesn't like it after a year or two she can go back, I will give you my sons email address if you want but he would probably only make her worse as they would be agreeing with eachother. Rebecca my daughter has settled better she has gone to school where as Stephen didn't want to, I think it would have been better for him if he had but we will see. Take care and I wish you lots of luck it is not an easy process for any of us but you have to remain positive Frances

Ransi

Same thing has happened with my friends' daughter,she was adamant that she wasn't coming,instead living with her boyfriend and his parents.
Because the daughter had turned 18 during this time,my friend decided that she had to make her own choices about what she wanted.
She came out to visit her mother in January,loved it to bits and cant wait to come for good.Just waiting for her boyfriend to get his own visa now!

Good luck

sasbear

Hi Frances

sounds like we are in similar positions.

Son told me he would be going back after a year of not settling. He went back then boomeranged back again and now going back again. He is very unsettled and I do worry now if he will ever really settle in either place.

Best wishes
Sas

scissors

hi there
my daughter was 17 when we were coming over and didnt want to come either,i suppose i did bribe her in a way,i told her it didnt have to be forever if she didnt like it she could come back and i told her we would go back for a visit after 2 years when we got our citizenship and she could stay then if she wanted to,well it was enough to get her here anyway it hasnt been easy for her,she wasnt in school so this i think made it even more difficult but we ve now been here for 18 months and the talk of going home has dwindled from being all she talks about to just going to visit her friends but she does have to save up the money herselfabd she wants to go on so many holidays and gigs that it ll take her forever,lol,im glad to say she is finally settling down but it has been a bumpy ride along the way

good luck,tracey

frances

HI Sas,

I hope your son does decide to settle with you, it is so hard you never stop worrying about your kids, but if they are back in uk you haven't got much control on how they are getting on over there Frances, even at 18 they still are not really mature enough I don't think to be so far from you Frances

sasbear

Thanks,

Yes no one really warned me about the pitfalls of parenting let alonge being a migrating parent - if it isn't enough to have normal parent teenage trouble - we have to add the extra ingredient of moving half way round the world - glutton for punishment springs to mind!!!

Sas

frances

Yes we all have a lot on our plate with the youth of today(as our Grandma used to say), where are you living? Francesx