LisaT

My parents have been here for 3 weeks and it's been great but I do love living here in WA. We came for a better future for my 2 boys.
But I have just spoken to my sister on the phone and she said she couldn't leave the family to come and live here too. She has said this before but I was hoping she would decide to come after her holiday here in August this year. I don't that will happen. But it's just the comment about family being the most important thing and now in I'm feeling sick thinking about it. Have I done the right thing moving here. Are my kids going to have just the same problems to deal with here that they would have in the uk?
I'm just so confused now.
PS: My parents are going home tomorrow so that's probably not helping.

bridie

try not to worry, around three to four months i think it hits home that this is LIFE not a holiday

you have to do the best for YOUR family (which is you and your kids)

if she wouldnt do it that's up to her

dont let it undermine you.

WelshSarah

I too have been here 4 months and yes that 'holiday' feeling does wear off and I did feel a bit flat but I think the fact you have had visitors so soon after arriving will unsettle you a bit too My advice would be to kiss your folks goodbye tomorrow, keep yourself VERY busy for the next week and then assess how you feel... A friend I have met here had her daughter over after 7 months I believe. She was awful when she had to go back and wanted to join her on the plane.... after a week or so she was ok... not perfect, but ok.. and not going back..

Nikki.P

Hi Lisa

I think most people can relate to those feelings. I know that I love living here, whats not to like. It's sunny, clean, pretty, beaches are beautiful, the people are generally very friendly, houses are nice etc etc. The only doubts I have are about whether I can be this far away from my family for the rest of their natural life. Most of the time I just potter along but every few months (especially when family have just been and are going or have gone home) it hits me and I feel really peoplesick and wonder if I;ve done the right thing. I just have to remind myself that it is my life, you only get one shot at this, its not a rehearsal. I know my mum and dad want me to do whats right for me and makes me happy. So right know I'm saying I love it here, I'm here for now, I see myself here in years to come but I'm not saying its forever.

Thats the thing, it doesn't have to be forever, its for however long you want it to be and for however long you enjoy it. Keep your chin up, as long as you feel like it's right for you and your family then its right for now.

Nikki

Wendy

It's no secret that I adore Australia but after my son left last year to go back to Uni in the UK I could have justgot on the plane with him. It took about 2 weeks to stop feeling that ache he left - and even then it still pops up now and then even now a yar later!

I think that your sister has laid the 'guilt trip' on you, that coupled with the fact your parents are going soon and you are naturally upset about it, makes things seem a little too much for you.

Ride it out mate, you'll be just fine and we're all here to listen and help where we can.


Hello Nikki, how are you my dear?

Been really busy lately, we'll really have to catch up sometime

Nikki.P

Hiya luvvie, I know the feeling mate, not enough hours in the day or days in the week Anyway, I'm fine, how's things with you? Did I hear you say something about working?

LisaT

I already know what many of you will say as I would say the same to anyone else.
We have only been here 4 months and I have started to question if we've done the right thing. We said we would stick out 4 years before even contemplating going back no matter how bad it got so we can get our citizenship.
My parents have just returned to the uk after 3 weeks staying with us and this has left a gaping hole with me. I knew if would be harder than when we left the uk. But I am very close to my parents and my 2 sisters. We always socialised together often and the thought my 3 and 1 year olds will not really know my family is really tearing at me right now. Also I feel extreme guilt that we are putting my family through such turmoil on every visit. My sister and her kids come out in 3 months and I'm now dreading it for the feelings I have when they go. And I know her kids will be distraught again.
What am I doing?
Would I not have what I was looking for for my family in a village in the uk. I'm now feeling so confused and guilty.

Wendy

Hi Lisa,

I love Australia and really don't want to return to the UK, but even I felt like that when my son went back after his visit last year. It's pretty normal to feel empty and guilty but it does get easier with time.

Whether you should go back or not isn't really my call but I would say that 4 months is really early days and I would stick it out for at least 12 - but that's me and you may feel differently. The first 6 for me were pretty tough, not with homesickness or anything like that, but just with feeling unsettled etc

Sending you a hug ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

Nu-Shooz

What made you leave the UK in the first place? Did you underestimate how much you would miss your family?
Is it worth staying in OZ!
Alot do go home as they miss family, alot will say to you give it more time. You know your own feelings and i will say follow your instincts.

tum

Hi Lisa,

I can't give you an answer besides the obvious one, so I'm not giving it to you. It's hard to rationalize your feelings, you had a great time with your family and now they've left and you are feeling like your head is filled with cotton wool and all you want to do is run after them (at least I imagine that's how I would feel). You have to get back to some routine again, go out, keep yourself busy so you don't have so much time to think (although I can imagine a 1 and 3 year old will do that for you ). I just answered your thread to send you some positive feelings and give you a big hug, you need it right now (()).
Come on girl, it's only been 4 months, and maybe that's also why it's so hard, as you didn't have much time to settle yourself.

Miranda xx

LisaT

I left the uk to give my boys a better life. I felt the crime and immigrants healthcare etc all to be going downhill fast. I came for the outdoor way of life which I love. I love living here but am just feeling torn with family. I knew this may be how I would feel but we spent so long talking about if I could do it, in the end I said lets just do it and see. The worst that could happen would be we would return eventually. But I do feel we need to get citizenship otherwise it's all been for nothing. So maybe I'll feel very different in 4 years who knows.

Is family not the most important thing in the world? I have such a close knit family I wander if I am tearing it apart by coming here and putting them all through so much turmoil.

mandyp

Hi Lisa,

We have children the same age and have been here for almost 6 months. My mum comes over with my sister in a few weeks, it will be interesting to see how that affects us. We have settled really well and are loving our new lives over here. We have left a huge network of close family and friends behind but have met loads of people sice we've been here.

It must feel very empty and low with your family gone and at times I feel a wee bit guilty that we are over here, but i just look at the quality of life my children are having and for me that is most important and the main reason that brought us over here.

I hope your mood lifts soon and you are able to see everything more positively soon!

Mandy

moneypenny20

Family is very very important to YOU. Four years is a hell of a long time to be miserable. Two years is a long time but doable, if you are as close as you appear to be, it will not get any better. Harsh but probably true, sorry There's no right or wrong for visitors but to have had your parents out so soon after moving might have been too soon, however if you needed to see them then that's when it had to be.

If you were to move back, would you be able to live as close to your family as you presumably were before you left? Many people move back for family and then bitterly regret it because either they can't live close by so have long car journeys to visit them or the relationship just isn't as they remember and they feel they've moved back unnecessarily. Obviously there are also those that go back to the same or better relationships and everything in their lives is back to normal.

I'd give it longer, see how you go until your sister arrives. If after she returns you feel even worse then I'd seriously consider moving back. You'll not have lost anything (except money) but you'll have learnt a great deal. Don't beat yourself up about it.

jad n rich

Just after family going back is not exactly the best time to make emotional decisions, try and wait a month at least.

Immigrants, australia is taking almost another million in the next 3 years, a massive amount to absorb in such a small economy/population , health care is already stuffed IME another million immigrants and another 900,000 citizens, the estimated amount pulling out of private health is not going to help. Living here really smashes some of the reasons for coming here, has that happened, maybe you feel the improvements for you are not as great as you might have imagined?

On the end its all personal, lists help, now youve lived here whats better whats not - for YOUR family.

You are in one LUCKY postion tho, your kids are one and three, the nighmare complications when education and teenage emotions are involved dont affect you.

Ozzidoc

Do you all have skype? I've only used it a few times.....but I understand that some people find that it really helps maintain their friendships.

The kids/cousins etc can show each other their latest presents, new shoes, whatever, the parents could arrange a little tea parties (hmmm....time difference might make that hard?) where both sides of the world are eating eg grandma's yummy banana cake etc at the same time...the modern-day joint experience giving shared memories?

OK..maybe it's a bit random...just trying to think outside the box