The Crow

Mum is 68 and Dad is in very poor health. Having come to terms mostly with the guilt of taking my mother's grandchildren away It helps that they both are supportive of our decision to emigrate (and indeed they said they considered it years ago). I also have (had!) two brothers within 3 miles of them. Today my younger brother told me that he and his wife and two children will most likely be moving to Chester - thereby taking the remaining grandchildren :scared: It's their life and I certainly don't blame them as they want her mother close by to help with the children.

I know Chester is hardly Australia! But Mum doesn't drive so it won't be easy. I can hardly complain as we are off to the other side of the world, but I now feel very guilty again. I guess I'll just have to insist that she spends 4 months of the year with us

Life is never straightforward

fozzie

Sorry to hear about added stress, I know what you mean although not in the same way my SIL has put the guilt on us saying they will have to deal with the parents as they are not in the best of health. If fact the have age related diabetes that is being controlled. A lot is to do with the fact that her hubby hasn't got the guts to do something like this and that she has always wanted to go to Aus but her wasn't bothered.

Sorry I'm wittering I've had a few

Goodd Luck and i hope you feel less guilty soon, as they say if yopu don;t do it you'll regret it.

Michelle

soonbethere

I know how you feel, I feel just as awful with my mum, but you can't keep living your life for someone else, life IS too short, good luck
Annette

The Crow

Thanks for your support I guess many of us (esp with kids) are going through similar situations. It was easier for me knowing that she had her other grandchildren round the corner - but there's not much I can do about it - apart from encourage her to come out for long visits (luckily she's not difficult too live with at all - even husband agrees which is good!!). In a way I wish we had emigrated when we first thought of it about 8 years ago - but it wasn't so straightforward for Adam to get in then on his trade..

lucyb

Ahhh..I sympathise! I grew up in the US and my husband in Hong Kong, although we are both British. So our parents took us away from our grandparents...but we still feel guilty as we are taking our 2 kids with us. I agree with the reply saying you cant live your lives for others...you have to do this or you will spend the rest of your life regretting not going! If you hate it, come home! But at least you will have tried!!!!!!!!!!!

Lucy

soonbethere

I too find this support network comforting, its nice that others can empathise with what you are going through. My mum is in good health, but she is quietly upset that we are leaving her, we lost Dad 6 years ago and she depends on me a great deal, and she is my best friend... but I keep telling myself that I have to put my family first, to give them the best start in life; in Oz. I too want her to come over for 3 months at a time, we all, like you get on well with her, she is easy to get on with so I would love her to stay over for as long as possible fingers crossed that we can get over this, I think this is the biggest hurdle to cross, bigger than any flippin! form filling

soonbethere

Lucy
Thanks so much for your message
When I feel bad I will look back at this, keep the positive comments coming! it helps sooooo much!! I 'm glad someone has brought this subject up, its been eating away at me since we placed my TRA app!!

lor

My mum made me feel guilty today(for all of two mins ).Don't let it get you down, it's your life (we live near to Bristol) so I'll get my mum to visit your mum

nurselindsey

I too know how everyone feels. My children are my mothers only grandchildren - my father died nine years ago and my mum has certainly come to rely on me for lots of things although presently I live 75 miles away from mum and do have a sister that lives closer. One thing that I did learn from losing my dad is that people are resilient, quite often stronger than they think and learn to cope (effectively by going to Oz the grieving process is kick started) but my priorities now are my partner and my boys now and I have to think about the opportunities and adventures that we are going to have.

My mother has supported us 110% in what we are doing but that doesn't make things any easier and the guilt is still there. Thank god for the internet/telephones and thankfully everyday the world is becoming a smaller place. I keep reminding mum of the fantastic holiday opportunities that she will have.

I'll keep smiling, coming on here cheers me up no end and by doing that it reinforces the fact that I know I am doing the right thing

sorry for rambling

Lindsey

Bix da Boss

Hi

Guilt trips are - unfortunately - part of the process. If you are within a 'close' family, there will always be something to stop you from fulfilling your dreams if you let it! I know! It took us years and years to put ourselves first for a change - forever supporting another family member - wore us out to be honest. Yes, I cld have easily said NO to this opportunity because of family ties - but so very glad I didn't! This has been one of the best things I have ever done in my life (apart from marrying BIX of course) he he!!! :scared:

You have to go for it - YES life is TOO short! Better to live with a few guilt trips than regrets!!

Take care
Gill

worzel

My advice would be to solve two problems at the same time - put them off the idea of moving to Chester. I am born and raised there and couldn't wait to move away as soon as I could. Two reasons - you can't get about the place for all the bloody tourists. And secondly hundreds of scousers go there everyday for the 5 fingered discount. My dad had his van nicked (guess where it was found) a couple of years ago and everyone in his street is frightened to go out in case they come home and find they have had unwanted visitors. It is so bad now that when he goes on holiday he screws the garage door closed.

The Crow

That would be the best option for sure! Unfortunately, both her parents and brother live there - and they want the help with the kids - so I don't think it would work Perhaps after a couple of years, they'll come back down South! They were going to move to Devon originally - perhaps they should employ a nanny and stick to that plan.