jad n rich

Just got a bit of a shock, going through the emails and it seems one of my uncles has died

If we'd been in the UK we would have gone to the funeral, but its 5 years now and obviously people have well and truly got on with life without us!

Dear J&R Uncle bob is dead I guess they just assume you wont be able to make it so why bother with a phone call. Dunno, seems weird, makes you realise you are right out of the family loop tho.

JayDeee

Sorry to hear about your uncle, my dad did the same, my great aunt (she was like a nan and my sister and I were really upset) died within 2 weeks of us arriving and my dad sent a text message, typical bloke

Milo

I know what you mean, when my father died last July, although I was told straight away, the family suggested that although it would be great to see me, going back to the UK for 'just one day' and for a 'funeral' hardly seemed worth the effort, long distrance ect. In the end after much soul searching I decided not to go. Life just goes on

Marie

Ceri

Could be a few reasons for it.
1 They didn't want to upset you, as you are the other side of the world and there is not a lot you could do( wrong I know. but this happened with hubby - hubby went up the wall when he found out. His dad was in hospital with a stroke - He had a right to know and had he known would have been on the next plane home. Apparently his dad told everyone not to tell my hubby as he didn't want to worry him - dad is ok now, but what if something had gone wrong - they didn't have that right to keep it from him no matter what )

2 - you were not that close to your uncle? and they didn't think full stop to inform you on the other side of the world

( this happened to me , and it hurt - twice! , so happens an uncle too and then one of my cousins died in a motorbike accident _ I didn't find out until weeks later, it was when I phoned the UK I was told).

I think that sometimes they don't realise they are being hurtful, I don't think it's intentional, just more like "I didn't think that you needed to know, or thought you knew " - don't know, just a guess- gawd knows how some peoples minds work.

Try this one " oh you know bro is getting married next week don't you?" in a matter of a fact voice ( from my mum) - thanks mum lol, mind you I think my family swears I possess Clairvoyant powers and should know everything before they tell me- as when they tell me something it's always "you know" ( and I have to remind them I'm on the otherside of the world and have been for years - so how do I know ?lol) - and "you know so and so blah and blah" -lol

families eh?
Mind you I'm guilty of doing some of it myself, not telling them some things until months after the event just not to worry them - what is the point in worrying someone when they can't be there with you etc etc

mind you I've always been told when it's someone really close that matters that dies, and jumped on the next plane home - perhaps that's why they don't tell me some things - not to worry me when they don't see a need for it.

cheers

Badge

or, you have been told but have probably forgotten.

"So, how's Great Granny!?" you say cheerfully.

Granny says

"oh she's dead Dear!"

"oh!".

Mum kicks me under the table. Family was always a bit like this - I could never keep up with all the stories and goss. If it wasn't heated towel rails it was "im worried your Dad can't climb the stairs etc" even though he's out cycling 20miles a day..etc

My Mum's partner died after I've known him for 20 odd, she just SMSed me to tell me in the middle of the strayan night. This is how she communicates - email and SMS. She knows I won't listen, or 'remember', if she calls. UK or Aussie. She lives in Wales - Ceri - she loves it there, same as I love it here.
Our baby is going to call her "Nain".

Email now is great - its the first time in 15 years Mum, Dad, myself and my brother comunicate to each other, all at the same time otherwise years would go by and messages would not get passed on. I leave the answering to my wife half the time. lol



badge

kath n kim

jad n rich,
Sorry to hear about your uncle.
This is one of the things which really saddens and worries me about living so far away from family. It seems that very often "out of sight is out of mind"
And family life carries on without you
I really have to make a huge effort sometimes to make sure that relatives back in the U.K (both mine and my husbands') are kept in contact with our children because I fear sometimes that if it was left up to them, they would lose their bond/contact.
Maybe you could send a card to yours and your uncles family, and let them know that you are thinking of them, even if you are not there.

moneypenny20

J&R sorry about the uncle. My family's the same even when we were all living under the same roof. Trouble is you can't get stroppy with them cos it will upset them even more whilst they are upset if you get my drift