Hot Dog

Hi all.
As I have covered in previous threads, http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hlight=dilemma I have been offered a good job in Sydney. The company I work for in the UK is on rocky ground and this does not bode well for my familys future.
I am too old to get to Oz on my own merits, so this job offer with sponsorship with PR could be mine and my wifes only hope. My step kids just do not want to come, their father will not have them because it will screw up his new life and my wife feels they are a bit too young to leave with their Dad anyway. They are 16 and 14.
So now to the big question.
Sue and I would really love to start a new life in Oz, but with all the hurdles put in front of us we can only seem to come up with one viable solution. That I go out first and start the job and Sue comes out to join me when the kids leave school.
I know this is not ideal, but has anyone on this site done this. We reckon we would be looking at about 18 months. The company would provide me with free lodgings so we could keep the house going in the UK and we would have 10 weeks a year holiday between us for visits.
Somebody said on the above thread that if you want something badly enough you will find a way, but is this a bit drastic.
Sue and I just see that we will be throwing away a fantastic future for the sake of, at tops, a couple of years.
I know it's a big question, but sometimes these are the ones you would like answers and opinions about without the emotional reactions from family and friends!!
Thanks
Steve and Sue

Wendy

Hi

I haven't got any advice for you, but just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world. I hope you find a way to follow your dream.

PJA

Does this mean the kids will come with you once they finish school or not?

I think your wife will find it hard to leave the kids at any age, and another 18 months down the line, they could have girl/boy friends they won't want to leave.

Maybe if you go first and your wife and kids go to Oz for a long holiday soon after the kids will fall in love with the place and want to be there!

I first said to my kids can you please just give us one year in Oz for all the years I've spent bringing you up that's all we ask is one year and see how you feel after that time.

Good luck whatever you decide!

Jane

Wendy

It is hard making the decision to leave kids behind. My 18 year old isn't coming with us, but he had a choice and he chose to stay here. He wouldn't be living close by if we stayed here as he is going to University, then has plans of trying to go and live in Japan.

What I'm trying to say is that, the kids will go their own way at one point or another, so why should we as parents be made to feel guilty for leaving them here. The world is a small place these days.

10 years down the line, they may decide that they want to emmigrate to Australia, then where does that leave you.

We are leaving behind £3k to cover the cost of yearly flights for my son for the next 3 years.

DianneH68

Do be honest I think you will find this impossibly tough.
I've just spent the best part of the last year in Oz on a working holiday visa. My partner of five years stayed in the UK for most of it cos he couldn't get the visa.
He travelled with me round Oz for the first three months but then we had three months apart before I came back at Xmas for a few weeks, then another few weeks apart after that.
It was horrible and I would never ever do it again. We both felt the same. It's not as if you can just pop back for a few days to see each other if it gets tough.
I would seriously think about the implications for your relationship if you spend this much time apart.
Having said all that, do you have anything to lose by giving it a go? If the company you work for in the UK is on rocky ground then it's not as if you're giving up a really secure job.
Maybe you could try it for three months and see how you feel after that?
I'm not sure of your timescale for starting this new job, but maybe you could go out on your own, then your wife could come over with the kids for a long holiday during the summer/Xmas/Easter holidays?
Once they have seen the life you have made for yourself/them over there, they may well be keen to move there with you.
And don't forget, if you decide after a few months it isn't really working out you can always come home. If you've managed to get a company in Oz to sponsor you then you are obviously very good at what you do and should have no trouble finding another job back in the UK
Good luck whatever you decide

geordie mandy

As some who has a long distance marriage i can tell you it is not easy, infact very stressful, my hubby works away and only gets home once a month if we are lucky every fortnight . He isn't in oz but it is still hard.
At one time we had a family emergency where i needed my husband home and he could not get home, my youngest had suspected meningitis as a baby and with 2 other kids to look after i needed help, a neighbour had to look after those while i had to stay in hospital with the baby.
Have you considered such an emergency happening how it would be dealt with.
I think if you can persuade the kids to join you for a trial period , it may be better. Tell that when they are adults if they wish to go back to the UK fine just give it a shot.
There are no easy answers but i hope you find a way round your problem.
Good luck
Mandy

thebears

Steve

I'll be blunt - whos in charge the parents or the kids?

My advice is go with your wife and take the kids.

Yes they will swear blue murder and complain about everything and anything. But your new life will be together as a family and give it a few months they will come around to enjoying Australia.

Dont let the opportunity go.

Kiwi

mand8002

We are in a similar situation apart from it is me that is in Australia and my husband on the UK.
I won't go into all the ins and outs of our situation but at the moment I am here with 2 kids and my husband is in UK with one child still at school and then the 4th child (well adult really) works in France at the moment.
It is hard to be apart but if you have a strong marriage then you will survive. It was our last chance at making the move and we feel that the couple of years we are sacrificing will be worth it in the end when we are all here in Australia. If we had waited till it was convenient for everybody to make the move then it would have been too late. Fortunatley I get to see him every couple of months as he has customers in Sydney and we talk every day. It was incredibly difficult to leave my daughter in the UK but it was best for her (she goes to a boarding school for deaf children) and she said that although she didn't want to come at this point she wanted us to go. She has decided that once she has finished school she is coming here to go to college. Children grow up and leave home at some point and they could decide to live anywhere in the world. You have to do what you think is best at the time and fortunatley for us it is all working out.

Australia_bound?

Take the kids on a holiday and try to sell the idea big style, legal issues can be worked around and kids will be able to express their own wishes as they're old enough.
Failing this I think it's got to be left up to your wife, can she cope with letting go of her kids so young? Does she really want Australia that badly? If she doesn't it could really affect her!
I'd hate to be put in your situation but I know what I'd do, you all have to make your own decisions, that are in the best interest of you your wife and her kids. I wish you well in what the future may bring...

cranni

Hi Steve and Sue, it is difficult as the kids get older.
I dont know if you have read my previous threads but i,left 3 older kids behind,
14 and 16 is a bad age but they dont see past the end of the street.
YES you go first, dont miss an opportunity like this, it may never come along again.
If you have a good marriage you will get through it.
Book that 10 weeks holiday asap. and SELL it, i think it will work and they will want to stay.
Dont pressure them, go along with what they say, or they will rebel [thats kids]./
It worked with my now 19 yr old, she did not want to come, she came 6 month after us, took her a while to settle, and now she loves it.
They also wont want to see mum upset and mum will be.
would love to hear how you get on.
GO FOR IT.
Denise

cranni

sending you some Karma, I know how hard it is.
We should have a kids at the other end of the world club.
Denise

Hot Dog

Hi Kiwi
If the kids were ours then it would not be an issue. They would just have to go with the flow, but no matter how he treats them, their dad is their dad and that is it. He would not sign the papers out of spite!
It is really frustrating that he can put a stop to our life for the sake of a couple of hours a week. If the kids showed any interest in coming this would make it easier, as I feel we would have a bit more leverage. So I'm afraid on this one everybody else seems to hold all the cards!
Steve

Hot Dog

Thanks Denise
We will do our best to work through this!
ATB
Steve and Sue