krissy

Well, my ex has decided that he won't give me permission to take our son to Oz with us.
So, basically this means that he has made a decision that effects all of us. My new husband and i have a son together too, so his decision is affecting a child that isn't even his!
We decided to ask him before we spent any more money on the application etc.
Any advice or numbers of good hitmen???
Kris

salonit

Negotiate with him first - he might give in. Good luck - never done anything like this - just being supportive! Good Luck!

debio

i really feel for you.This is my great fear.i'm not brave enough to ask yet though.But my ex doesn't even have contact with his son-so the thought of him stopping our dream is unbearable.

krissy

Thanks for the support guys....we will have to see if he breaks under extreme pressure!
Kris

badri

I think he will when you let me know what the child is missing.
the whole family. and if he really wants the best for his kid. then he will otherwise he is very selfish person

Hope things come through for you.

Cheers

bundy

The b*****d.

There have been others in this situation, so keep bumping this thread and someone will come up with something useful

Good luck!

tiredwithtwins

cant help you im afraid....my ex wont let me take the kids out the country, but i understand where hes coming from....we are still living together at this moment in time (till i can find somewhere) and he will miss his kids terribly...so i understand him. But if he had no or very little contact I would hound him until he said yes!!!

good lcuk...let us know how it goes...

sue

Boomie

Our situ is a little diff..... andy adopted my older 3 four years ago.....but if i was in ure position my ex would ov been the same and would get pleasure in doing so......

What is the relationship like between father n son ?

You can get legal advise from a solicitor regarding this matter....

and can take this matter to court..... a judge will over rule if you can prove that you can provide a stable family unit in Australia....you will have to satisfy him that you have looked into and sorted accommodation, schoolin and work if possible..... and also prove that you will be finacially ok.

How old is ure son?....... if he is old enough his views can be taken into consideration......

but please, please dont migrate without his consent.......

he can force you back to the UK for a nasty court case...... not that he would gain anythin from it..... just prove to be costly for u interms of time away from work n flights.....

Please dont give up.....

where there's a will there's a way


good look.....


love boomie
xxxxx

loose

Can we all settle down here.

I dont know Krissy situation but we're talking about a childs relationship with its father. Fathers do have some rights too you know!! He may love the kid, and the kid may love him. Why should their relationship suffer because mum and new husband want to take their new kids abroad.

No offence meant krissy, I'm nor referring to your situatuion specifically, but the general big bad father bashing is out of order.

People occasionally put the pursuit of emigration above everything else and their advice can be tilted as a result.

bundy

You're right Loose. I had it in my head that Krissy's ex currently had nothing to do with their child, so was concerned by the fact that someone can opt in and out of a child's life when they see fit. But I see this isn't necessarily the case.

I can see why Krissy's ex would want to keep his child close if he has a lot of contact at the moment. Trouble is, there are just so many people to consider in this situation...hard to work out what's best for the kids more than anything else.

Fuzzyness

look at it the other way though. how would you feel if it was your ex taking your child to oz and leaving you in england. i know there is your current partner and your child to take into account as well as yours and your ex's child. sorry cant offer anything constructive other than saying try to negotiate so that you do what is best for your child.

Boomie

Fully understand what you are saying here..... which is why i asked what relationship is like between father n son.....

Diff Story for me...... my ex was a compulsive gambler/abuser.....failed to see his kids and when andy adopted them a debt of 25K was quashed......

last we heard he was street painting in London....and was picked up on a drugs charge.....

over all picture my kids are better out ov it....

love boomie
xx

loose

Boomie - fair enough, totally see where you're coming from and that situation is resolved by doing whats best for the child. As you and your new partner obviousley did.

I think the answer here is to look keeping the child happy. Often that can be done when one parent lives abroad (I've looked into it believe me), the child will know that both parents still love them and there is still lots of contact. However its important to look at how the lives of everyone are affected. Fathers in broken marriage are not always the guilty party.

Again I'm not commenting on Krissys situation in any way, but fathers as a rule get totally screwed over by the courts.

Krissy, I hope you and your ex get on well enough to talk this through, and be as fair as possible. Mainly to your child, but to each other as well.

krissy

Hiya again all,

The situation is basically this,
Callum is 4 and he sees his father and paternal grandparents auntie and cousin every weekend. As far as that goes he is close to his father and other relatives. I fully understand his position, and both myself and my husband said that we would probably have felt the same put in the same situation.
He is however having probs in his own new marriage and has just had a child with his new wife. This i imagine wont help things for him, he will be feeling very unsure about his future generally.
I don't want to drag him through court as i feel it would turn into a slanging match and i know what solicitors are like, one will make out i'm a bad mother and the other will make out he's a bad father.....etc. The animosity that would result would be unbearable for all of us. This is why we asked him to do the affidavit. However he has made his decision based not just on what he feels but also how it would affect his parents and other family members not having Callum with them here(totally understandable).
The annoying thing about it all is that his decision regarding his son actually affects all of us not just Callum. Our future in his hands, as it were.
I don't think that the fathers should be painted as the bad guys, they have rights too. If he was an absent parent, basic waste of space etc i would be a hell of a lot more upset than i am now, however he's a good dad and i have given him ample time to mull it over. I told him at Christmas what our plans were. I didn't push him for a decision.
My hubby has a job offer and we have got State Nomination to Victoria, we have looked at housing and the rest we would have looked into further into the application process....schools etc once we knew which area we would be living in.
We aren't doing this on a whim, i have two small children to consider and have thought it over carefully.
Well, dream over really.......just annoys me that one person has that power.
Kris

HiddenPaw

But if you had the power to take his son away from him, you would, right?

I really understand your dreams of moving to Oz, but if you left your son in the UK with his father and moved 10000 miles away, how would you feel? You would be devastated at not seeing your son, surely? Perhaps the father feels the same way.

It sounds like father and son have a close relationship. You may be looking at it that the father has 'the power' to hold you back, but is he doing it vindictively (to spite you) or is he genuinely devastated that he might not see his son very often for the rest of his life?

I sincerely wish you luck and hope that things can be sorted.