AlliF

Am I being selfish? Hubs wants to go back to the UK mid next year to visit his rellies but I am really not keen. Firstly I can think of better things to spend all that dosh on. Plus I am really not keen on flying with our baby (who will then be a 1 year old) - the stress of flying with a toddler is not something I would look forward to. And its not cheap to get a seat for her either. For all three of us we are talking circa $7k
I don't get on with my rellies - so we won't be visiting any of them and quite frankly think if any of his relatives really wanted to meet our bub they can get on an airplane and come out here - at least they get to see somewhere new. His sister and her family have had 4 trips to Florida and other holidays since we have been here but not bothered coming out to see us (they are not short on cash either). I've seen the Uk and don't need to see it again..

Bix

They seem to see it as different don't they?

If he really needs to see his family let him go by himself.

PMV

That's a tough one. It is expensive. And it's stressful travelling with a 1 yo. So that's just being realistic.

But ... if I was in that situation, I would be beyond upset if my hubbie did not "permit" our child to meet their grandparents/extended family (even though I don't have a fantastic relationship with them). There is not a chance in hell I would not let him stop me travelling with our child to see my family, but I wouldn't (couldn't) force him to join us.

I think you're being realistic, rather than selfish. But having said that, I don't think it's fair to stop your husband from introducing his new baby to his family, which is such an important, exciting thing to do. And instead of trying to stop it happening, see it for the wonderful thing it is .. a proud dad, wanting his family to meet the most important person in his life.

You don't have to go, you can take your share of the $$ and spend it elsewhere, but then you'd miss out on an important milestone in your baby's life.

As for the relatives, I choose where I live, they're free to choose where they holiday! My family would rather I lived nearby, but I don't. So I can't expect them to spend their time/money visiting me, just cause I want them to!

Try not to think of it as being about your in-laws wanting to see the baby, it is about your husband wanting his family to meet your baby.

AlliF

Some food for thought there. I don't really want him to have to go on his own - don't know how he would handle that - both being told I didn't want to go and being in charge of the bub on his own(and of course I would miss both of them).
This is the only time i have ever wished the uk were a bit closer!
Maybe i just have to suck it up as they say.

Sherlock Holmes

It's cheaper for the return journey to fly from the UK than it is from Oz.

Maybe pay for their tickets to come this way? Of offer at least.

I do sympathise with your position. Rellies are a pain.

Good luck.

Beoz

Sounds like it. Perhaps its the way you wrote it.

moneypenny20

Before we left the UK we promised First Born a trip back when we'd been here two years. When that time came, the husband had no interest in going back so me and the girls went. If your husband wants to go, let him. You're not preventing his rellies from seeing your child. If that was the case you wouldn't be letting them come visit you.

I'd let him go on his own and make the excuse that you can't afford for all of you to go but hope that he convinces them to visit you.

irishbloo

This year my husband took the kids to Spain with their English granny.I didnt want to go.Main reason being is I dont like the woman.So I went over to Ireland to see my family.I really enjoyed those two weeks hanging out with my family and not having to worry about the kids and my oh.After two weeks they came and joined me.I would do it the same way again.Not sure if my oh and the kids would go on holiday with granny again.

Petals

I know where you are coming from none of my family have ever bothered to come to Aus although they travel extensively. Why not let your oh go back for a visit, my oh went back for a visit on his own and it worked out a lot cheaper and he got to do and see who he had to and we were happy staying here.

Its amazing really that we are expected to do the phoning, the keep in touch and visits.

AlliF

AlliF

They have all promised at various stages to visit but it never comes to anything. I suppose that's fair enough though as it's just as far from there to here as here to there.
I think I may do a bargain with him as he wants to get a new car in the next year or so too. As far as i'm concerned the car we have is perfectly adequate, so if he puts that on the back burner for a few years yet then at least that makes it a bit easier financially.

AlliF

Could you please expand your answer? Which bit specifically, or all of it?(I'm genuinely asking here not being sarky).

Scotty1

I would let him go back to the uk with child on own. My husband has a son in the uk who has been out to visit and loves it here, but in August Orange is not the warmest part of Oz. This year OH wanted to travel and I didn't. He would indeed have preferred me to go along but I really did not want to go for a heap of reasons, one being I wanted to give him time with his son 1:1. He is still in the uk at the minute and I think it is the right thing for him. He gets lots of time with his family, and I don't resent having to spend loads of money going somewhere I don't really want to go.
If you think he will have difficulty coping, I think that is all the good - he will appreciate what you do more. Yes I miss him loads, and can't comment on how I would miss a child, but sometimes its best to let them get on with it.
I do not think you are being at all selfish, nor do I think your OH is. You just want different things. You are being anything but selfish if you are going with him because you don't think he will cope on a long haul with a toddler.
There may be loads of reasons why the rellies don't visit - but ask yourself if you really want them in your house for weeks on end?
Good luck

asprilla

well you asked for it...

It does sound like you are being a bit selfish. How about your husband's views? What if he really wants to make the trip back ?

At the end of the day, you have 3 choices: (a) everyone go on hols. (b) everyone stay here (c) you stay here on your own.

How important is this trip back for your husband ? If it is very important - go. If it is not so important and he isn't 100% keen on it - then you've got an opportunity to share your concerns and maybe talk him round.

Lets imagine that he is 100% for the trip. Now put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you were really keen on a trip home, but your husband is not, for the reasons you have given ?



At the end of the day it is a decision for you and your husband, of course you need to voice your concerns. But from where I'm sitting, if you're husband is very, very keen on a trip home to see his family - then it may be best for you to make a small sacrifice, for the benefit of your family, and go with him... and enjoy it if you can !

You can always remind him later, that "he owes you one".

AlliF

Yup, not disagreeing with the statement, just asked for him/her to expand further as it's advice rather than a poll I was after.

Need people outside of the situation for objective opinions on this as i think my view is probably skewed because I don't speak to my family so I find it hard to imagine what it is like being close enough to your family to even want to visit.
No issues with his family but only met a few of them and then only once or twice as we only got together shortly before we moved away from them. Haven't raised the issue with him as yet as wanted to know how other people had handled similar situations before i broached the subject...