Do I compromise?
 

Hi everyone,

As you all know things have not gone too well with my parents this week.
Well today I picked up the phone and called them. They had calmed down somewhat but are still very bitter at the thought of "losing" me to Australia.

All week I have been so determined to do this, lock stock etc. But now they've put a new thought in my head and I wondered what you guys think.

My mum has suggested that we should give it a go for a year to see if we like it. Which is a reasonable compromise, i guess, but is it possible?

The suggestion is that we rent out our house, find rented accom out there and see if we can find jobs, like the life style etc.

It sounds a sensible approach but is it just a half hearted try that is bound to fail because we don't have a) the financial backing that a house sale would give us and b) the determination that we would have if we knew that this was our lot and best make the most of it.

Do you think we will see a true Oz life style, with the same bills etc as we would have if we set up permanent roots?

To those who are there, is it possible to rent out a house in England and still have a life in Oz?

I am so confused now. On one hand I have my husband who is raring to go and on the other I have my cautious parents who don't really want their daughter to go and is trying their best to come up with a compromise.

Do you think I'll be wasting my time, just trying it for a year on a 12 month visa, or should i go for the 100%, emigration visa?

arghhhhhh, i am so confused.

Help anyone?

Tazzy

Tazzy,
How old are you? If you are both 30 or under which I think I read you were, you could go on a working holiday visa for a year. You can still carry on woth your PR visa application - DIMIA just need to know you are in Oz.

My brother has done this and is renting out his house in Notts, he doesn't seem too worried about it and they are going to apply for PR from there if they decide they are happy with it. I've just realised you have a child so maybe WHV is out but renting Uk house is still def an option.

It does seem to be a more reasonable approach from your parents which you must be glad of. Even if they secretly think you will come back, there's no guarantee for them.

Hope everything works out,

Emma.

Hey Tazzy,

Good to see that you're even thinking of a compromise...well done. I think that you should adopt an 'it's doesn't have to be forever' approach when you go to Oz. By the time a year (or however long) is up, your parents may have got more used to the idea of you being away, and you will have a better idea of your prospects in Oz. It's not being half-hearted - it's being practical. Go over, validate your visa and see how the land lies after you (and your family) have given the new arrangement a decent length of time...

Re: Do I compromise?
 

Tazzy
I didn't post to your last message but am sorry that your parents are giving you such a hard time over this.

My initial reaction to their suggestion is:

1) There will be tax implications with maintaining an income from the UK while resident in Oz but these may vary depending on what visa you're on.

2) Sounds like they would expect you to return after 1 year whatever your opinion of Oz, i.e. you have to come back to sell the house etc, and you might not want to commit yourself to doing that. You might need longer than 1 year to see if you really settle.

3) You will be in another difficult position with your parents in a year's time if you decide you want to stay in Oz

How about committing to a return trip home after a year so they can have a visit, but not making any promises about whether you will be staying or not.

Sorry this probably isn't very helpful but I believe it's best to be honest about your intentions longer term (which is what you have done so far) - don't give them false hopes, or you'll be storing up a bad situation for the future.

They have got to you haven't they!!! Do what is in your heart don't let your parents make you compromise if you don't want to, its so easy to give in to them, you will then become their good little girl and doing as you are told as usual ( I am in the same situation also a daddys girl ) DONT LET THEM DO IT TO YOU!!!

You do what is best for you, not your parents, how are they compromising over this???

Go for it like you were going to, they will come around to this eventually, its only been a couple of days and look at the progress you have made with them, just think what they will be like in a couple of months.

GO GO GO GO :lecture:

Thanks for the advice, though a little conflicting.

I'll not make any quick decsions just yet, things seem to be changing by the day!

Tazzy

You're weakening, and they know that! You're playing right into their hands. So, at the first sign of trouble, you're going to know that there is a house waiting for you back in the UK and that is going to make it so much easier for you to give up and return. A year is not long enough to make any long term decisions. If it can take 3 to 4 years to get there from start to finish you can't just give it a year once you're there. What a waste of time.

Who wins? They do!

By renting at both ends you won't be able to go with the capital that you wanted, therefore you won't be able to buy the things you wanted, you'll be paying a high rental price instead of having a 'mortgage free' house, probably have to get cars on HP, therefore you'll be in debt before you start.

No! You tell them that you are going with the intention that this is permenant but they are more than welcome to visit.

Do not let others make decisions for you. This is your life, not theirs.

Yes Steve, i'm beginning to think you may be right! I am weakening arn't i. Its just like me trying to please everybody and making sure no one gets hurt.
Just had a conversation with hubby and he's said the same as you.

Tazzy

You can't please other people all the time. Sometimes you've got to please yourself and let others please themselves. Sorry, but that's life. If that's the kind of person you are, then I'm sure you've pleased your parents enough over the years. The trouble is, I think they've got used to it. It's your turn now.

Any more moments of weakness, let me know and I'll give you a good slap across the back of the legs!

Have a good weekend looking at Aussie estate agents sites, beaches, jobs, schools etc. Look at plenty of pictures.

Steve.

I also did not reply to your first post and understand you are getting conflicting advice from this site - that is cause we are all different of course!!

Agree with Steve on his final point only - 'This is your life'
so you should follow what makes you feel suits you best.

but you have lots of options - we left our house and did not rent it out, long story...but we had the house in the UK for over 14 months and we lived here (I did transfer jobs). Not one of our family both sides wanted us to leave. 14 months later we knew it wasn't perfect here but nowhere is...and we are enjoying finding things for ourselves. We sold the house in the UK after 15 months. If you have the option of coming here and having time for yourselves to make your own decisions then take the time do it. Having a house back in the UK does not make or break your time here - you and only you can do that.

Goodness that sounds all serious - I am in part, but if your mind is on making a break, go for it and enjoy even the crappy times, have a laugh. Hard though that sounds, what is the issue with making a slight compromise to get you the time you need? When you are over here and making your own minds up without day to day input - who knows.......

Best of luck to you both

Cheers

Thanks, might call on your services at a later date.

Tazzy

I must say I'm with you Sandra,
Taz, your parents idea of a compromise seems to be disgised as an ultimatem - do it our way and we'll be friends again. This does seem pretty crap but based on your previous posts it's the closest they have come so far to being anywhere near sensible! Sorry, I know they are your folks.

Yes, it's your life and your decision ultimately but it may be the only way you get what you want - ie leaving and keeping them reasonably happy. You could always go with no intention of coming back, they don't have to know that and as others have said when you are there and you can both think for yourselves they may be perfectly happy with it. Here's hoping.

I must say I'm with you Sandra,
Taz, your parents idea of a compromise seems to be disguised as an ultimatem - do it our way and we'll be friends again. This does seem pretty crap but based on your previous posts it's the closest they have come so far to being anywhere near sensible! Sorry, I know they are your folks.

Yes, it's your life and your decision ultimately but it may be the only way you get what you want - ie leaving and keeping them reasonably happy, which in turn will make you happy. You could always go with no intention of coming back, they don't have to know that and as others have said when you are there and you can both think for yourselves they may be perfectly happy with it. Here's hoping.

Thanks everyone, things are getting to be a little clearer now.
Tazzy

Hi Tazz,
I'm afraid that my parents have been brilliant and can't wait for us to go:eek: They wanted to emigrate when I was younger but due to circumstances here they didn't. I have a suggestion for their compromise though, I would apply for a pr visa and then plan to go across for 2 years (not a long time in the scheme of things) then apply for citizenship this will allow you to move permanently later in your life when circumstances are different.

Only a suggestion and whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck

Hi Tazzy, Just to put you in the mood, there are quite a few programmes on Australia on TV this weekend if you have Sky Digital…….

Friday
8.00pm Aussie Animal Rescue – Animal Planet
8.30pm Aussie Animal Rescue – Animal Planet
9.00pm Wild Down Under – BBC2
10.00pm Australia Uncovered – Sky Travel
11.00pm Beaches – Sky Travel Extra

Saturday
2.30am A&E Down Under – Living TV
3.00am Croc Files – Animal Planet
3.30am Croc Files – Animal Planet
6.00am Air Jaws – Discovery +1
7.00am Surfing the Menu – UK Food
8.00am Crocodile Hunter – Animal Planet +
9.00am Fishing Australia – Discovery Home and Leisure
10.00am Island Life - Animal Planet +
3.00pm Croc Files – Animal Planet
3.30pm Croc Files – Animal Planet
9.00pm Snake Wranglers – National Geographic +

Sunday
9.00am Fishing Australia – Discovery Home and Leisure

Sometimes I read these replies and I think people are being very hard on the parents being left behind. It's easy to dole out advice on how to deal with the situation when it's not your parent getting hurt. It's also easy to be tough when your not close to your parent or they are being reasonable.

But I still agree with what everyone says, parents do pull on your heart strings and I personally would take my money to have a good start.

Look at it this way, would you consider, financially, keeping your house here and renting over there if your parents were not involved? You have made the decision to emigrate, therefore you must do this the way you feel is right then you can only blame yourself if it doesn't work.:D

Don't surpose you've seen anything for New Zealand Steve?

Sometimes I read these replies and I think people are being very hard on the parents being left behind. It's easy to dole out advice on how to deal with the situation when it's not your parent getting hurt. It's also easy to be tough when your not close to your parent or they are being reasonable.

But I still agree with what everyone says, parents do pull on your heart strings and I personally would take my money to have a good start.

Look at it this way, would you consider, financially, keeping your house here and renting over there if your parents were not involved? You have made the decision to emigrate, therefore you must do this the way you feel is right then you can only blame yourself if it doesn't work.:D

What your parents are proposing could work if you go with the right attitude. I don't think it is ever a bad idea not to burn your bridges because who knows Oz may not be right for you. However, I don't agree with the way your parents are going about this, as it seems they have their own best interests at heart rather than yours. That said, I think many parents would feel the same. It is just a sign of how much they love and are going to miss you.

If you do not sell the house etc. you are going to have to give Oz 110%+, as always at the back of your mind is going to be looming the safety net of the UK with the thought of how much you miss your parents etc. What you are not taking into account is how hard the first 6 months are going to be. I say that an experienced mover, I have moved 9 times in the past 9 years, as believe me the first 6 months can be very difficult. You will miss all the things you had at home, you will have no friends, no shoulder to cry on. Your husband will probably be at work all day and will soon have some mates while you are at home on your own with a young child and no-one to talk to. You won't know the best place to get the bits and pieces that you picked up at M&S and silly things will start getting to you. So if you go with the attitude we may go home in 12 months you may make that decision when things are at rock bottom. Please don't think I am trying to put you of doing this, I am not, just trying to point out how hard it is at the start. I have to say that I would give it a try, but you need to remember to keep in mind it gets easier every day.

Hi Tazzy!

Just a few of MY opinions! :)

First of all, some people are talking about, don't let the parents win. Well, I don't think it's a question of winning.
Second, your parents obviously mean something to you, and of course you don't want to hurt them. And of course it is also your life.
BUT, if you didn't give a damn about your parents you'd just go, but obviously you do, so just leaving probably won't work, you'd still feel guilty and/or miss them.
Well, that's what I think, but who am I, and I don't know you or your parents, so......
Another thing is your parents are prob still in shock. And you can see they are already getting used to it by talking about the year thing. I think that's a big thing that helps. Just saying you're just gonna go and see, maybe you'll come back. I think a lot of parents have the idea that their kids are 'dead' when they leave, cos they think they'll never really see em again. But we all realise it's not like that anymore.
When we first told my parents in law, of course they were generally shocked in the beginning, but we also used the word 'emigrate'. Now we say more like, we're going for three years and then we'll see. And it's not like we're lying. We might come back, we might not.
Also, I think a lot of peoples parents might think/feel excactly like yours, except they bottle it up. At least your parents let it all out. And probably get over some of it soon.
And about them being selfish, well, yes, I guess, but everybody is sometimes, and I think it's also a sign of how much they love you.
I'd be really upset if my parents didn't care at all.....


Another thing I wanted to say in general, for everybody, about renting:
I think everybody should rent at the beginning, cos most don't know where they'll end up finding a job etc.
Even if you have enough money to buy a house straight away, I don't see why people do, at least not the first 6 months or so(depends on everything)

Also, I don't see how so many people can be so sure they're gonna stay, especially seeing most have only been on holiday, or haven't been at all!!
Shouldn't everybody be saying, we'll go, and we'll see?
And if you don't have the money for if it goes wrong, and you want to go back to the UK, then you're taking a pretty big risk!

What I also don't understand: people who haven't sold their house before they go, and need that money. I really don't get it, can someone explain?

Maybe I should put these last bits in a new post and ask people to explain.....?

Anyway Tazzy, the best of luck and wisdom to you, even though of course you'll never know if you've made the right choice, that's the risk...
Just make sure you're happy, and have enough money to reverse any decisions you make to be happy again. Unfortunetley (or that's life): money is important :(

So, good luck, best wishes, have fun!

Simone

Hi
My view..
We have been think of going to Aus for months...last week we decided F**k it lets do it, we thought about renting our house here in the uk, but too much hassle, so we are selling our house and banking half the equity in a 1 year bond, the other half we are using to rent a house for a year, live for a year, but a car etc etc, decide were we would like toilive while our skilled visas come through.....worst worst case

1) Visas dont happen....had a year of living in Aus !!
2) Dont like it....(dont think so) come back and have enough cash to buy again in the UK....

we have 2 small children...so grandparents, will be giving us a hard time...so havent told them yet....waiting until after Xmas and pending house sale going in April with holiday visas....

You only live once....dont regret it !!! give it a go.....why not ?

Gazza & Georgie:)

Re: Do I compromise?
 

Tazzy, what do you want? forget about your parents and even your hubby, just for a moment, what do YOU want? look into yourself and then you will know what is best for you, as you said there is lots of conflicting advice on this site so i won't give you any, the only decision that counts is yours mate.
best of luck whatever you decide
rach
:confused:

I think it is a good idea you go out with an 'annual review' in mind... I would sell the house as it will just be a hassle, but still take the 'see after a year approach'.

As a compromise you could prebook a return flight back to the UK after a year now - before you spend the money/find a reason not to. if you plan it far enough advance then you can work towards that date, go back to the Uk and reassess.

Having a fall back plan is a very very good idea. No way should you go all that way without a plan B. Doesn't mean you won't put 100% into it - but it is just sensible planning.

Hi Tazzy,

I saw your last post but you seemed to have so much advice I just stood back.

From someone who is very close to her parents (like you)
This is a toughie, but at the end of the day..it is your life we are talking about here... nothing is forever, why not give it a try?.. hell the UK is a one-day plane trip away..

who's to say you could never return to the UK if things aren't what you thought in Oz.

When I moved to Wales from Brisbane in Feb this year, I sold everything and made the move even though it broke my parents heart, it was right for me.

To alleviate some of the hurt, we got a webcam (so did my foks) and we can chat to them whenever we like and actually see them.. Maybe an option if you have kiddies, brings it closer than the telephone. Even phone calls are really cheap so you can talk regularly.. 4p a minute from the UK and 4 cents a min from Oz to UK. Tell em to register with Alpha Telecom.

In the end YOU have to decide... life is way too short and this is no dress rehearsal....living in another country is fantastic!!!

good luck!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask your folks to give you some leaway,change their holiday destinations to see the Daughter and Grandchild they love so much.I have just realised tonight that my M.I.L. may not be able to visit us after reading another thread that somebody had had a pulminary embulism I think it was on Ellens.I love the bones of my M.I.L. as I do my own Mum ,who too is also quite ill and travelling would be a great risk.

Sorry but I don't know the fitness of your parents.It is very hard I know but your child and your marriage comes first,Iwould never say your Husband or yourself comes first as when you married you became one and the same.It's taken me a long time to realise that :lecture: :)

Tazzy
I have to agree with rach, What do YOU want, you are being pulled from side to side and you CANNOT please everyone. Think about , if no one was expressing any opionion at all, what would you choose to do? That maybe the shortest way to get your answer?

Hi Tazzy
I can relate to what you're going through. Every time I mention ANYTHING about our migration, my mother says 'oh, you're still thinking of going then??' (all suprised) Even though we've told my parents a number of times over the last year that YES we are definately going! We've also told them we may not stay there forever but we're going to see how things go, as we won't know if we don't try. It really feels like she's not even listening to me. My mother also suggested we rent our house out too but I think it was just her way of keeping a part of us here in the hope we'll come back. My brother has given me a really hard time over it and refuses to talk about it. He told me I'm ostracising myself from the family and that I'm selfish in even thinking about migrating!! So you're not alone in having your heart strings pulled to breaking point as I'm getting the same treatment........:(

Petra

I'm assuming that this brother is your only sibling?

Hi Tazzy

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your parents.

From a different perspective we are the parents and our only child (a son of 28) told us 3 years ago that he was going to Oz for a year. He rented out his property in UK but after just six weeks he decided that Oz was definitely the country for him so sold up in UK and rented property in Sydney.

We wanted whatever was best for him but we were both really choked at his decision but didn't try to put him off as he believed he would have a better life there.

We visited him after he had been living there 15 months and we could tell he was really happy, liked his job (less hours than he had been working in London and no problems with getting to work on public transport) and made lots of friends and was generally having a good time.

He suggested to us that we might consider taking early retirement and migrating to Oz. He knew we didn't want to live in Sydney (really great place to visit but we wanted a more laid back lifestyle) and he thought we might like Brisbane/Sunshine Coast.

We visited the area for several weeks at the end of last year and now intend migrating next year. Some days I wonder if we are doing the right thing but hubby says "think of it as a 4 year holiday (we will go on a retirement visa) and if you miss the UK we can always come back, we are lucky to have the opportunity to try it".

So who knows Tazzy, your parents might end up visiting Oz, love it and spend many holidays there.

Do what you consider best for yourselves.

Jackie

Well done Jackie, it is a very brave thing to do at that stage in your life. But it doesn't have to be forever, and you only live once.:cool:

Hi Tazzy,

I am a parent and would find it dffficult if my children were to go to another country. At the moment they are only 3 and 6 but I can understand where your parents are coming from. At the same time you have a husband and a child and this is your family. Your decisions are for you and your family to make. If you still want to go do it. Remember they lived ther lives the way they wanted to and you may have not approved. If they love and wish the best for you it will all work out.

Compromise is a good thing but sometimes you have to go with your heart. I completely feel for you. I am in a similar situation. The person with the doubts is my husband and all the doubt comes from his family. Comments like "I'm not coming to see you it to far" or " we'll never see you again" and "if you go what am I going to do". Now we are putting NZ on hold and moving to Scarborough and I really don't want to but, it's a compromise. Early next year we'll take a holiday to NZ and if we like it my husband told me we'll go. To tell you the truth I don't think NZ will happen because of his family so I am thinking of a backup plan because living in Scarborough for 6 to 9 months is all I can take.

So go with your gut feel and has long as you feel it's right for you and your family (husband and child). It will be alright.

Sam

We rent out two houses in UK one I have had for years and the second we only bought five weeks before leaving UK, and personally I think it was one of the best things we could have done. The profit from rent x 2.45 covers our rent here. Also its better than £xs sat in a bank which is so easy to whittle away at. We still have foot on UK property ladder. Having property that I can go back to makes it easier to stay here. For some it might make it harder to stay.

If like a lot of us you dont know where you want to settle etc. It will take you about six months to find wheres best for you. So a short term let will be ideal.

If for whatever reason its not for you or you decide you need more time to save etc. You can come back and still have your house.

As for the year scenario, let them believe that, it gives you a year to convince them how much better your life is and bring them round to your way of thinking. Also if possible get them to manage the house rental for you, it will make them feel part of the process and part of your lives and you get a property manager for free. :D

Parents can be a pain in the bum, but they are the only ones you have and as much as mine give me hassle and stuff I still miss the silly old buggers. :D

Use every situation to your advantage, minimise risk, and go with the flow. :p

Yes he is.........one is quite enough!!!!!

Hi Tazzy,

DO WHAT YOU WANT!!!! I'm not sure your parents' idea sounds like a compromise really. More likely that it'll just ensure that your move doesn't work out.

We've been to Oz before but knew it was only for a year - we were renting. It was hard to settle in without the full commitment. When we got fed up with the crappy flat we had we just went back to the UK rather than moving house. Had we made the full move we could have bought our own place and really settled.

If you're used to having your own house you'll never feel settled in a rental. Plus once you buy a place you get to know neighbours and locals who want to make friends as they know you're a real part of the community. When you're renting people often see you as transient so don't bother.

I'd do the full move. Then there are no tricky tax implications, you know where your heart is and you've got the commitment to do whatever it takes to really make a go of it. Aussies will be nicer to you too and more helpful if they really feel you're now one of them. People are always flattered that you've chosen their country to live in.

But...definitely plan a holiday back to the UK as soon as you want and give yourself the freedom to go on holiday to the UK at short notice anytime you feel unsure. Another migrant friend of mine (Oz to UK) was talking about this yesterday. If you feel you can go back to your old 'home' for a holiday whenever you want it makes it easier to settle in to your new country. Sometimes you need a trip back to deal with any homesickness - just to see the place, throw off the rose tinted specs (absence really does make the heart grow fond!), realise all the reasons why you left and how much you're keen to get back to your new home in Oz! And just knowing you could go back on hol whenever you want sometimes takes that homesick feeling away so you don't need to actually do it.

Maybe it would help to tell your parents that with UK house prices predicted to go down it makes sense to sell your house anyway and buy another one when/if you come back? And that you don't want the extra hassle of worrying whether the tenants will pay the rent? It's not easy to cover a UK mortgage on an Aussie income if the tenants default - especially with rent to pay in Oz too.

Best of luck.:)

From the few lines you wrote, it sounds like he's more upset at the thought of looking after your parents on his own later. I'm sure they'll come around.

Artep - sorry about the brother situation. I can sympathise.

We had some grief from my husband's siblings. Partly jealousy and partly because they'll have to do more of the parent care (for a change!). They announced that they had thought my father-in-law would move in with us if my mother-in-law died before him (both are in their 80s). I was a bit surprised - noone had asked me what I thought about it:eek:. Turns out they all love their mum and one of the sisters is happy to have her move in with them if father goes first and buy a bigger house to share with the proceeds of the parents' house sale but as they don't like their father much...we get him.

Quite happy to be going really - we have a 3 year old of our own to worry about.

Your parents ignoring the whole issue is a bit of parent thing though - they hear so many wacky ideas from their kids and never quite regard us as grown up. I guess they still think we change our minds every minute like we did about what we wanted for Xmas as kids - maybe they're right?:D

Steve I think you may be right there.....my brother is prob thinking he'll be left looking after my parents when they're older...mind you hopefully it won't be for a long while yet as they're only just reaching 60. I think too they're worried they'll never be able to afford to visit us, but alas no amount of reassurances from me about our paying for at least their first trip out to us is cutting any ice.

Jolyn you have a point too about jealousy, I think given the opportunity my brother would jump at the chance of emigrating. But of course he would NEVER admit to that. Unfortunately he's the sort of bloke that feels his opinion is the ONLY opinion, he's very black and white. :rolleyes:

I've decided now that no amount of emotional blackmail is going to stop me and my family from leading our lives the way and where we choose. I think if I allowed my parents or my brother to stop us from going to oz then the resentment I would feel towards them may just ruin our relationship forever. I appreciate that its upsetting for my parents as we're taking 3 of their grandchildren to the other side of the world, but if I added up the amount of days we've seen my parents this year I would be suprised if it amounted to more than 2 weeks (they live 200 miles away). When they visit us in oz they'll probably come over for a month. I'm hoping that given time they will all get used to the idea and accept that at the end of the day its OUR decision and no-one elses.

Petra

Hi,

I havnt posted to you before, but my advice would be for you to do two main things:

1) Make sure you are deciding based on what is best for you

2) Dont burn any bridges in the UK

Still commit yourself to go, and therefore I think applying for PR is the way to go. Selling or renting your property in the UK depends on how much you need the capital etc, it can be done and makes no diff to your commitment to Oz. Youll probably need a few months to suss out suburbs etc b4 you buy in Oz in any case.

Impress on your folks that if it doesnt work out you will come back, thats not to say you need to commit yourself less than 100% But dont burn your bridges by saying you will do as you want etc...Also, they may be able to retire in Aus, or you may be able to sponsor them to go to Oz.

You can still do your own thing and leave the option open to return if things dont work out. That is a good way to look at it for anyone, not only if youre having strife with your parents.

My wife is also an only child, and to be honest i think my mother still expects we will come back. Once your gone, your parents may well adjust better than they anticipated, no need to spoil your relationship if you can avoid it.

Dont be too hard on them, but dont let them affect your decision to go.

Good luck

hi-off to oz myself with hubby and 4 kids hopefully in next few weeks.myparents look on this as a great opportunity for US and KIDS.they say that you can't live your life for your parents because if your'e waiting for them to die while you are there then it may be too late.if my parents live for another 20 years i would be 57 which is a little old to be thinking of going.you don't have to look at it as a long term thing,we have always said that if either of us hate it or the kids hate it then we will come back to uk.do what you want and if your parents don't like it then they haven't got your best interests at heart.hope you make the right decision for YOU. regards karen :D