Do I compromise?
Oct 3rd 2003, 12:34 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Do I compromise?
Hi everyone,
As you all know things have not gone too well with my parents this week.
Well today I picked up the phone and called them. They had calmed down somewhat but are still very bitter at the thought of "losing" me to Australia.
All week I have been so determined to do this, lock stock etc. But now they've put a new thought in my head and I wondered what you guys think.
My mum has suggested that we should give it a go for a year to see if we like it. Which is a reasonable compromise, i guess, but is it possible?
The suggestion is that we rent out our house, find rented accom out there and see if we can find jobs, like the life style etc.
It sounds a sensible approach but is it just a half hearted try that is bound to fail because we don't have a) the financial backing that a house sale would give us and b) the determination that we would have if we knew that this was our lot and best make the most of it.
Do you think we will see a true Oz life style, with the same bills etc as we would have if we set up permanent roots?
To those who are there, is it possible to rent out a house in England and still have a life in Oz?
I am so confused now. On one hand I have my husband who is raring to go and on the other I have my cautious parents who don't really want their daughter to go and is trying their best to come up with a compromise.
Do you think I'll be wasting my time, just trying it for a year on a 12 month visa, or should i go for the 100%, emigration visa?
arghhhhhh, i am so confused.
Help anyone?
Tazzy
As you all know things have not gone too well with my parents this week.
Well today I picked up the phone and called them. They had calmed down somewhat but are still very bitter at the thought of "losing" me to Australia.
All week I have been so determined to do this, lock stock etc. But now they've put a new thought in my head and I wondered what you guys think.
My mum has suggested that we should give it a go for a year to see if we like it. Which is a reasonable compromise, i guess, but is it possible?
The suggestion is that we rent out our house, find rented accom out there and see if we can find jobs, like the life style etc.
It sounds a sensible approach but is it just a half hearted try that is bound to fail because we don't have a) the financial backing that a house sale would give us and b) the determination that we would have if we knew that this was our lot and best make the most of it.
Do you think we will see a true Oz life style, with the same bills etc as we would have if we set up permanent roots?
To those who are there, is it possible to rent out a house in England and still have a life in Oz?
I am so confused now. On one hand I have my husband who is raring to go and on the other I have my cautious parents who don't really want their daughter to go and is trying their best to come up with a compromise.
Do you think I'll be wasting my time, just trying it for a year on a 12 month visa, or should i go for the 100%, emigration visa?
arghhhhhh, i am so confused.
Help anyone?
Tazzy
Oct 3rd 2003, 12:38 pm
#2
Homeward Bound
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 435
Tazzy,
How old are you? If you are both 30 or under which I think I read you were, you could go on a working holiday visa for a year. You can still carry on woth your PR visa application - DIMIA just need to know you are in Oz.
My brother has done this and is renting out his house in Notts, he doesn't seem too worried about it and they are going to apply for PR from there if they decide they are happy with it. I've just realised you have a child so maybe WHV is out but renting Uk house is still def an option.
It does seem to be a more reasonable approach from your parents which you must be glad of. Even if they secretly think you will come back, there's no guarantee for them.
Hope everything works out,
Emma.
How old are you? If you are both 30 or under which I think I read you were, you could go on a working holiday visa for a year. You can still carry on woth your PR visa application - DIMIA just need to know you are in Oz.
My brother has done this and is renting out his house in Notts, he doesn't seem too worried about it and they are going to apply for PR from there if they decide they are happy with it. I've just realised you have a child so maybe WHV is out but renting Uk house is still def an option.
It does seem to be a more reasonable approach from your parents which you must be glad of. Even if they secretly think you will come back, there's no guarantee for them.
Hope everything works out,
Emma.
Oct 3rd 2003, 12:38 pm
#3
She's a bird, you know
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 7,655
Hey Tazzy,
Good to see that you're even thinking of a compromise...well done. I think that you should adopt an 'it's doesn't have to be forever' approach when you go to Oz. By the time a year (or however long) is up, your parents may have got more used to the idea of you being away, and you will have a better idea of your prospects in Oz. It's not being half-hearted - it's being practical. Go over, validate your visa and see how the land lies after you (and your family) have given the new arrangement a decent length of time...
Good to see that you're even thinking of a compromise...well done. I think that you should adopt an 'it's doesn't have to be forever' approach when you go to Oz. By the time a year (or however long) is up, your parents may have got more used to the idea of you being away, and you will have a better idea of your prospects in Oz. It's not being half-hearted - it's being practical. Go over, validate your visa and see how the land lies after you (and your family) have given the new arrangement a decent length of time...
Oct 3rd 2003, 12:42 pm
#4
Bubble blowing member
Joined: May 2003
Location: Townsville, QLD
Posts: 312
Re: Do I compromise?
Originally posted by Tazzy
Hi everyone,
As you all know things have not gone too well with my parents this week.
Well today I picked up the phone and called them. They had calmed down somewhat but are still very bitter at the thought of "losing" me to Australia.
All week I have been so determined to do this, lock stock etc. But now they've put a new thought in my head and I wondered what you guys think.
My mum has suggested that we should give it a go for a year to see if we like it. Which is a reasonable compromise, i guess, but is it possible?
The suggestion is that we rent out our house, find rented accom out there and see if we can find jobs, like the life style etc.
It sounds a sensible approach but is it just a half hearted try that is bound to fail because we don't have a) the financial backing that a house sale would give us and b) the determination that we would have if we knew that this was our lot and best make the most of it.
Do you think we will see a true Oz life style, with the same bills etc as we would have if we set up permanent roots?
To those who are there, is it possible to rent out a house in England and still have a life in Oz?
I am so confused now. On one hand I have my husband who is raring to go and on the other I have my cautious parents who don't really want their daughter to go and is trying their best to come up with a compromise.
Do you think I'll be wasting my time, just trying it for a year on a 12 month visa, or should i go for the 100%, emigration visa?
arghhhhhh, i am so confused.
Help anyone?
Tazzy
Hi everyone,
As you all know things have not gone too well with my parents this week.
Well today I picked up the phone and called them. They had calmed down somewhat but are still very bitter at the thought of "losing" me to Australia.
All week I have been so determined to do this, lock stock etc. But now they've put a new thought in my head and I wondered what you guys think.
My mum has suggested that we should give it a go for a year to see if we like it. Which is a reasonable compromise, i guess, but is it possible?
The suggestion is that we rent out our house, find rented accom out there and see if we can find jobs, like the life style etc.
It sounds a sensible approach but is it just a half hearted try that is bound to fail because we don't have a) the financial backing that a house sale would give us and b) the determination that we would have if we knew that this was our lot and best make the most of it.
Do you think we will see a true Oz life style, with the same bills etc as we would have if we set up permanent roots?
To those who are there, is it possible to rent out a house in England and still have a life in Oz?
I am so confused now. On one hand I have my husband who is raring to go and on the other I have my cautious parents who don't really want their daughter to go and is trying their best to come up with a compromise.
Do you think I'll be wasting my time, just trying it for a year on a 12 month visa, or should i go for the 100%, emigration visa?
arghhhhhh, i am so confused.
Help anyone?
Tazzy
I didn't post to your last message but am sorry that your parents are giving you such a hard time over this.
My initial reaction to their suggestion is:
1) There will be tax implications with maintaining an income from the UK while resident in Oz but these may vary depending on what visa you're on.
2) Sounds like they would expect you to return after 1 year whatever your opinion of Oz, i.e. you have to come back to sell the house etc, and you might not want to commit yourself to doing that. You might need longer than 1 year to see if you really settle.
3) You will be in another difficult position with your parents in a year's time if you decide you want to stay in Oz
How about committing to a return trip home after a year so they can have a visit, but not making any promises about whether you will be staying or not.
Sorry this probably isn't very helpful but I believe it's best to be honest about your intentions longer term (which is what you have done so far) - don't give them false hopes, or you'll be storing up a bad situation for the future.
Oct 3rd 2003, 12:45 pm
#5
Look at me kimmie
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: Land down under
Posts: 446
They have got to you haven't they!!! Do what is in your heart don't let your parents make you compromise if you don't want to, its so easy to give in to them, you will then become their good little girl and doing as you are told as usual ( I am in the same situation also a daddys girl ) DONT LET THEM DO IT TO YOU!!!
You do what is best for you, not your parents, how are they compromising over this???
Go for it like you were going to, they will come around to this eventually, its only been a couple of days and look at the progress you have made with them, just think what they will be like in a couple of months.
GO GO GO GO :lecture:
You do what is best for you, not your parents, how are they compromising over this???
Go for it like you were going to, they will come around to this eventually, its only been a couple of days and look at the progress you have made with them, just think what they will be like in a couple of months.
GO GO GO GO :lecture:
Oct 3rd 2003, 1:00 pm
#6
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Thanks for the advice, though a little conflicting.
I'll not make any quick decsions just yet, things seem to be changing by the day!
Tazzy
I'll not make any quick decsions just yet, things seem to be changing by the day!
Tazzy
Oct 3rd 2003, 1:06 pm
#7
I Know What's Going On!
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: On The Outside Looking In!
Posts: 1,499
You're weakening, and they know that! You're playing right into their hands. So, at the first sign of trouble, you're going to know that there is a house waiting for you back in the UK and that is going to make it so much easier for you to give up and return. A year is not long enough to make any long term decisions. If it can take 3 to 4 years to get there from start to finish you can't just give it a year once you're there. What a waste of time.
Who wins? They do!
By renting at both ends you won't be able to go with the capital that you wanted, therefore you won't be able to buy the things you wanted, you'll be paying a high rental price instead of having a 'mortgage free' house, probably have to get cars on HP, therefore you'll be in debt before you start.
No! You tell them that you are going with the intention that this is permenant but they are more than welcome to visit.
Do not let others make decisions for you. This is your life, not theirs.
Who wins? They do!
By renting at both ends you won't be able to go with the capital that you wanted, therefore you won't be able to buy the things you wanted, you'll be paying a high rental price instead of having a 'mortgage free' house, probably have to get cars on HP, therefore you'll be in debt before you start.
No! You tell them that you are going with the intention that this is permenant but they are more than welcome to visit.
Do not let others make decisions for you. This is your life, not theirs.
Oct 3rd 2003, 1:54 pm
#8
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Yes Steve, i'm beginning to think you may be right! I am weakening arn't i. Its just like me trying to please everybody and making sure no one gets hurt.
Just had a conversation with hubby and he's said the same as you.
Tazzy
Just had a conversation with hubby and he's said the same as you.
Tazzy
Oct 3rd 2003, 2:02 pm
#9
I Know What's Going On!
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: On The Outside Looking In!
Posts: 1,499
Originally posted by Tazzy
Yes Steve, i'm beginning to think you may be right! I am weakening arn't i. Its just like me trying to please everybody and making sure no one gets hurt.
Just had a conversation with hubby and he's said the same as you.
Tazzy
Yes Steve, i'm beginning to think you may be right! I am weakening arn't i. Its just like me trying to please everybody and making sure no one gets hurt.
Just had a conversation with hubby and he's said the same as you.
Tazzy
Any more moments of weakness, let me know and I'll give you a good slap across the back of the legs!
Have a good weekend looking at Aussie estate agents sites, beaches, jobs, schools etc. Look at plenty of pictures.
Steve.
Oct 3rd 2003, 2:06 pm
#10
Gone Senile Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Location: Sydney
Posts: 3,014
I also did not reply to your first post and understand you are getting conflicting advice from this site - that is cause we are all different of course!!
Agree with Steve on his final point only - 'This is your life'
so you should follow what makes you feel suits you best.
but you have lots of options - we left our house and did not rent it out, long story...but we had the house in the UK for over 14 months and we lived here (I did transfer jobs). Not one of our family both sides wanted us to leave. 14 months later we knew it wasn't perfect here but nowhere is...and we are enjoying finding things for ourselves. We sold the house in the UK after 15 months. If you have the option of coming here and having time for yourselves to make your own decisions then take the time do it. Having a house back in the UK does not make or break your time here - you and only you can do that.
Goodness that sounds all serious - I am in part, but if your mind is on making a break, go for it and enjoy even the crappy times, have a laugh. Hard though that sounds, what is the issue with making a slight compromise to get you the time you need? When you are over here and making your own minds up without day to day input - who knows.......
Best of luck to you both
Cheers
Agree with Steve on his final point only - 'This is your life'
so you should follow what makes you feel suits you best.
but you have lots of options - we left our house and did not rent it out, long story...but we had the house in the UK for over 14 months and we lived here (I did transfer jobs). Not one of our family both sides wanted us to leave. 14 months later we knew it wasn't perfect here but nowhere is...and we are enjoying finding things for ourselves. We sold the house in the UK after 15 months. If you have the option of coming here and having time for yourselves to make your own decisions then take the time do it. Having a house back in the UK does not make or break your time here - you and only you can do that.
Goodness that sounds all serious - I am in part, but if your mind is on making a break, go for it and enjoy even the crappy times, have a laugh. Hard though that sounds, what is the issue with making a slight compromise to get you the time you need? When you are over here and making your own minds up without day to day input - who knows.......
Best of luck to you both
Cheers
Oct 3rd 2003, 2:12 pm
#11
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Originally posted by SteveBannister
You can't please other people all the time. Sometimes you've got to please yourself and let others please themselves. Sorry, but that's life. If that's the kind of person you are, then I'm sure you've pleased your parents enough over the years. The trouble is, I think they've got used to it. It's your turn now.
Any more moments of weakness, let me know and I'll give you a good slap across the back of the legs!
Have a good weekend looking at Aussie estate agents sites, beaches, jobs, schools etc. Look at plenty of pictures.
Steve.
You can't please other people all the time. Sometimes you've got to please yourself and let others please themselves. Sorry, but that's life. If that's the kind of person you are, then I'm sure you've pleased your parents enough over the years. The trouble is, I think they've got used to it. It's your turn now.
Any more moments of weakness, let me know and I'll give you a good slap across the back of the legs!
Have a good weekend looking at Aussie estate agents sites, beaches, jobs, schools etc. Look at plenty of pictures.
Steve.
Thanks, might call on your services at a later date.
Tazzy
Oct 3rd 2003, 2:13 pm
#12
Homeward Bound
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 435
Originally posted by Sandra
I also did not reply to your first post and understand you are getting conflicting advice from this site - that is cause we are all different of course!!
Agree with Steve on his final point only - 'This is your life'
so you should follow what makes you feel suits you best.
but you have lots of options - we left our house and did not rent it out, long story...but we had the house in the UK for over 14 months and we lived here (I did transfer jobs). Not one of our family both sides wanted us to leave. 14 months later we knew it wasn't perfect here but nowhere is...and we are enjoying finding things for ourselves. We sold the house in the UK after 15 months. If you have the option of coming here and having time for yourselves to make your own decisions then take the time do it. Having a house back in the UK does not make or break your time here - you and only you can do that.
Goodness that sounds all serious - I am in part, but if your mind is on making a break, go for it and enjoy even the crappy times, have a laugh. Hard though that sounds, what is the issue with making a slight compromise to get you the time you need? When you are over here and making your own minds up without day to day input - who knows.......
Best of luck to you both
Cheers
I also did not reply to your first post and understand you are getting conflicting advice from this site - that is cause we are all different of course!!
Agree with Steve on his final point only - 'This is your life'
so you should follow what makes you feel suits you best.
but you have lots of options - we left our house and did not rent it out, long story...but we had the house in the UK for over 14 months and we lived here (I did transfer jobs). Not one of our family both sides wanted us to leave. 14 months later we knew it wasn't perfect here but nowhere is...and we are enjoying finding things for ourselves. We sold the house in the UK after 15 months. If you have the option of coming here and having time for yourselves to make your own decisions then take the time do it. Having a house back in the UK does not make or break your time here - you and only you can do that.
Goodness that sounds all serious - I am in part, but if your mind is on making a break, go for it and enjoy even the crappy times, have a laugh. Hard though that sounds, what is the issue with making a slight compromise to get you the time you need? When you are over here and making your own minds up without day to day input - who knows.......
Best of luck to you both
Cheers
I must say I'm with you Sandra,
Taz, your parents idea of a compromise seems to be disgised as an ultimatem - do it our way and we'll be friends again. This does seem pretty crap but based on your previous posts it's the closest they have come so far to being anywhere near sensible! Sorry, I know they are your folks.
Yes, it's your life and your decision ultimately but it may be the only way you get what you want - ie leaving and keeping them reasonably happy. You could always go with no intention of coming back, they don't have to know that and as others have said when you are there and you can both think for yourselves they may be perfectly happy with it. Here's hoping.
Oct 3rd 2003, 2:13 pm
#13
Homeward Bound
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 435
Originally posted by Sandra
I also did not reply to your first post and understand you are getting conflicting advice from this site - that is cause we are all different of course!!
Agree with Steve on his final point only - 'This is your life'
so you should follow what makes you feel suits you best.
but you have lots of options - we left our house and did not rent it out, long story...but we had the house in the UK for over 14 months and we lived here (I did transfer jobs). Not one of our family both sides wanted us to leave. 14 months later we knew it wasn't perfect here but nowhere is...and we are enjoying finding things for ourselves. We sold the house in the UK after 15 months. If you have the option of coming here and having time for yourselves to make your own decisions then take the time do it. Having a house back in the UK does not make or break your time here - you and only you can do that.
Goodness that sounds all serious - I am in part, but if your mind is on making a break, go for it and enjoy even the crappy times, have a laugh. Hard though that sounds, what is the issue with making a slight compromise to get you the time you need? When you are over here and making your own minds up without day to day input - who knows.......
Best of luck to you both
Cheers
I also did not reply to your first post and understand you are getting conflicting advice from this site - that is cause we are all different of course!!
Agree with Steve on his final point only - 'This is your life'
so you should follow what makes you feel suits you best.
but you have lots of options - we left our house and did not rent it out, long story...but we had the house in the UK for over 14 months and we lived here (I did transfer jobs). Not one of our family both sides wanted us to leave. 14 months later we knew it wasn't perfect here but nowhere is...and we are enjoying finding things for ourselves. We sold the house in the UK after 15 months. If you have the option of coming here and having time for yourselves to make your own decisions then take the time do it. Having a house back in the UK does not make or break your time here - you and only you can do that.
Goodness that sounds all serious - I am in part, but if your mind is on making a break, go for it and enjoy even the crappy times, have a laugh. Hard though that sounds, what is the issue with making a slight compromise to get you the time you need? When you are over here and making your own minds up without day to day input - who knows.......
Best of luck to you both
Cheers
I must say I'm with you Sandra,
Taz, your parents idea of a compromise seems to be disguised as an ultimatem - do it our way and we'll be friends again. This does seem pretty crap but based on your previous posts it's the closest they have come so far to being anywhere near sensible! Sorry, I know they are your folks.
Yes, it's your life and your decision ultimately but it may be the only way you get what you want - ie leaving and keeping them reasonably happy, which in turn will make you happy. You could always go with no intention of coming back, they don't have to know that and as others have said when you are there and you can both think for yourselves they may be perfectly happy with it. Here's hoping.
Oct 3rd 2003, 3:32 pm
#14
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bolton
Posts: 174
Thanks everyone, things are getting to be a little clearer now.
Tazzy
Tazzy
Oct 3rd 2003, 4:43 pm
#15
MODERATOR
Joined: Nov 2002
Location: Redneck Wonderland
Posts: 9,932
Originally posted by Tazzy
Thanks everyone, things are getting to be a little clearer now.
Tazzy
Thanks everyone, things are getting to be a little clearer now.
Tazzy
Hi Tazz,
I'm afraid that my parents have been brilliant and can't wait for us to go
They wanted to emigrate when I was younger but due to circumstances here they didn't. I have a suggestion for their compromise though, I would apply for a pr visa and then plan to go across for 2 years (not a long time in the scheme of things) then apply for citizenship this will allow you to move permanently later in your life when circumstances are different.Only a suggestion and whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck