Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Oct 2nd 2012 | 9:03 pm
#16
Worongary
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,288
From: GC hinterland
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
We moved over to the Sunshine Coast 8 months ago.
Before leaving the UK, we promised our daughter (13 years old) that we would go back if she didn't it after 6 months in Oz.
We thought She had settled down to life in Oz ok after a few teething problems such as starting a new school. She has made a best friend and is well thought of at school by her teachers.
But over the last couple of weeks she has made it quite clear that she hates it in Oz and that we (me in particular - Mum) are responsible for her unhappiness. No matter what we do for her, or how we handle it, it just isn't making the slightest bit of difference.
She doesn't want to join any clubs and even has to be forced to invite her friend round. I have even offered to look round some schools but she says she doesn't want to change school.
Me, Husband and son (11 years) are quite happy to stay here for the foreseeable future.
I know it has been hard for her but I am now at my wits end with it all and I'm sicking of looking at her miserable face lol!
should we all go back to UK for her or keep her here in oz, miserable.
Any ideas on solutions for this? is this just normal teenager behavior?
Before leaving the UK, we promised our daughter (13 years old) that we would go back if she didn't it after 6 months in Oz.
We thought She had settled down to life in Oz ok after a few teething problems such as starting a new school. She has made a best friend and is well thought of at school by her teachers.
But over the last couple of weeks she has made it quite clear that she hates it in Oz and that we (me in particular - Mum) are responsible for her unhappiness. No matter what we do for her, or how we handle it, it just isn't making the slightest bit of difference.
She doesn't want to join any clubs and even has to be forced to invite her friend round. I have even offered to look round some schools but she says she doesn't want to change school.
Me, Husband and son (11 years) are quite happy to stay here for the foreseeable future.
I know it has been hard for her but I am now at my wits end with it all and I'm sicking of looking at her miserable face lol!
should we all go back to UK for her or keep her here in oz, miserable.
Any ideas on solutions for this? is this just normal teenager behavior?
sorry i honestly cannot see what all the fuss is about?
shes a kid, your the parent
you've decided to move here so the answers NO
she carn`t go back till shes of age ie 18 and she has to be made to realize this
as for wasting thousands of dollars to pacify her by sending her on a trip home, get a grip its a potentially disastrous idea,
what would happen if she didn't return ?
as i said my opinion
Steve
Oct 2nd 2012 | 9:43 pm
#17
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 20,821
From: Brisbane
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
I agree with these replies. She'll grow out of it hopefully. 
Out daughter went back over December time for the first two years ($$$$$$$$$) and discovered that her friends have moved on, even though she is online and chats to them socially still.
She has said that she's not going back again. She now has a BF here and loads of friends.
It just takes time.
Out daughter went back over December time for the first two years ($$$$$$$$$) and discovered that her friends have moved on, even though she is online and chats to them socially still.
She has said that she's not going back again. She now has a BF here and loads of friends.
It just takes time.
Oct 3rd 2012 | 12:29 am
#18
FREE TIBET
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,840
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Wait 4 years and if she is still being a pain in the arse,send her to The French Foreign Legion,they will well n truely sort her out,trust me.Failing that,send her to Perth
Last edited by Bernieboy; Oct 3rd 2012 at 12:31 am.
Oct 3rd 2012 | 12:34 am
#19
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 94,305
From: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
) ? The Legion that is, not Perth 
Oct 3rd 2012 | 12:48 am
#21
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 94,305
From: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Oct 3rd 2012 | 3:30 pm
#22
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,331
From: Helensvale - yipeeeeeeeee!!
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
I bet she is saying she wants to move back not because she REALLY wants to, but as a way to exert power over you. She wants to because she thinks she can, because you promised. Childish, and she is a child so no surprises there!
No way would I move back. As previously suggested, speak to her on her level. Apologise for making a promise you couldn't keep. "My bad" as the hip people say.
Then draw a line, make it clear you are drawing a line. You made a mistake, you apologised and under no circumstances will you be drawn back into the "but you promised" argument. If she really wants to go back she will have to find new, plausible arguments. You can then counter each argument rationally (hopefully).
Also, put moving back out of YOUR head and vocabulary. If she thinks its under discussion or consideration at any level, it leaves a chink in your armour!
Say strong
No way would I move back. As previously suggested, speak to her on her level. Apologise for making a promise you couldn't keep. "My bad" as the hip people say.
Then draw a line, make it clear you are drawing a line. You made a mistake, you apologised and under no circumstances will you be drawn back into the "but you promised" argument. If she really wants to go back she will have to find new, plausible arguments. You can then counter each argument rationally (hopefully).
Also, put moving back out of YOUR head and vocabulary. If she thinks its under discussion or consideration at any level, it leaves a chink in your armour!
Say strong
Oct 3rd 2012 | 3:45 pm
#23
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,517
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Might be difficult to tell her she has to stick to her promises in the future.
Oct 3rd 2012 | 3:48 pm
#24
Banned
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,010
From: Queensland, Australia
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
We moved over to the Sunshine Coast 8 months ago.
Before leaving the UK, we promised our daughter (13 years old) that we would go back if she didn't it after 6 months in Oz.
We thought She had settled down to life in Oz ok after a few teething problems such as starting a new school. She has made a best friend and is well thought of at school by her teachers.
But over the last couple of weeks she has made it quite clear that she hates it in Oz and that we (me in particular - Mum) are responsible for her unhappiness. No matter what we do for her, or how we handle it, it just isn't making the slightest bit of difference.
She doesn't want to join any clubs and even has to be forced to invite her friend round. I have even offered to look round some schools but she says she doesn't want to change school.
Me, Husband and son (11 years) are quite happy to stay here for the foreseeable future.
I know it has been hard for her but I am now at my wits end with it all and I'm sicking of looking at her miserable face lol!
should we all go back to UK for her or keep her here in oz, miserable.
Any ideas on solutions for this? is this just normal teenager behavior?
Before leaving the UK, we promised our daughter (13 years old) that we would go back if she didn't it after 6 months in Oz.
We thought She had settled down to life in Oz ok after a few teething problems such as starting a new school. She has made a best friend and is well thought of at school by her teachers.
But over the last couple of weeks she has made it quite clear that she hates it in Oz and that we (me in particular - Mum) are responsible for her unhappiness. No matter what we do for her, or how we handle it, it just isn't making the slightest bit of difference.
She doesn't want to join any clubs and even has to be forced to invite her friend round. I have even offered to look round some schools but she says she doesn't want to change school.
Me, Husband and son (11 years) are quite happy to stay here for the foreseeable future.
I know it has been hard for her but I am now at my wits end with it all and I'm sicking of looking at her miserable face lol!
should we all go back to UK for her or keep her here in oz, miserable.
Any ideas on solutions for this? is this just normal teenager behavior?
Don't try to come up with any solutions then and there but think about what she's telling you. Perhaps let her know that it's been hard for you too and tell her you admire her for doing so well, she may be feeling that she's the only one feeling like she does.
Oct 5th 2012 | 5:36 pm
#25
Thread Starter
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 383
From: The Sunshine Coast, QLD
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Thanks for all your replies.
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
Oct 5th 2012 | 10:42 pm
#26
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 20,821
From: Brisbane
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Thanks for all your replies.
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
Oct 6th 2012 | 6:40 pm
#27
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,580
From: Sydney, NSW
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Good luck- stay strong.
Oct 6th 2012 | 8:35 pm
#28
Banned
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,010
From: Queensland, Australia
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Thanks for all your replies.
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
I tell you, you can tear yourself inside out trying to work things out for her and before you know it she'll have moved on to the next big thing in her life and you'll be wondering what the fuss was all about
. Coming up next - Boyfriends!
Oct 6th 2012 | 8:57 pm
#29
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,215
From: Limerick-Shropshire- Perth.
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Thanks for all your replies.
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
They have made me feel a hundred times better and also made me get a grip!!
I know that I shouldn't have made her that promise but I did so I will have to sort it out. I think drawing a line is a good option.
I have come to think that she has got her whole life in front of her and she can do whatever she likes when she is an adult. For me, it was a now or never move to Oz as I'm knocking on a bit lol.!
I also think that we could all go back to the UK and then she could decide to go and live abroad somewhere.
So I'm going to be strong, sort it all out with her and stop worrying so much.
Cheers
Jo
Oct 7th 2012 | 12:35 pm
#30
Social Grenade Thrower
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 3,625
From: South Coast, NSW
Re: Dilemma with stroppy teenager!
Sounds like you have your head screwed on.If its any consolation many of those of us with teenagers have our fair share of dramas.I have a 15 year old daughter and I have had an ongoing battle with her for a few years now.Constantly at each other.It recently came to blows and I had to have a serious think.While its not perfect it is a million times better now.She is a lot happier and we have a much peaceful household now.Touchwood.
