joeyb

We moved over to the Sunshine Coast 8 months ago.

Before leaving the UK, we promised our daughter (13 years old) that we would go back if she didn't it after 6 months in Oz.
We thought She had settled down to life in Oz ok after a few teething problems such as starting a new school. She has made a best friend and is well thought of at school by her teachers.

But over the last couple of weeks she has made it quite clear that she hates it in Oz and that we (me in particular - Mum) are responsible for her unhappiness. No matter what we do for her, or how we handle it, it just isn't making the slightest bit of difference.
She doesn't want to join any clubs and even has to be forced to invite her friend round. I have even offered to look round some schools but she says she doesn't want to change school.

Me, Husband and son (11 years) are quite happy to stay here for the foreseeable future.

I know it has been hard for her but I am now at my wits end with it all and I'm sicking of looking at her miserable face lol!

should we all go back to UK for her or keep her here in oz, miserable.

Any ideas on solutions for this? is this just normal teenager behavior?

Tramps_mate

Ignore. Teenager tantrum..

irishbloo

You made a promise that you shouldn't have made.There are three other people to consider.I would leave her strop for a little bit.She will soon get bored.If it continues you will have to sit her down and have a serious chat to see how things can improve.No parent wants to see an unhappy child.Good luck.

Zen10

I do not think you should move your entire family back to the UK because your teenage daughter has been upset for two weeks. I'll add that I bet the cursed Facebook is behind this. Years ago a person, young or otherwise, moving to Australia would quickly have forgotten life in the old country and moved on, but these days they have to deal with a minute by minute update of what all their old friends are doing and this will naturally heighten their sense of missing out and general loss, which at that age is really big thing. Cut the Facebook line and see wondrous results.

ajw

+1

quoll

One hesitates to say, but that really was rather a silly thing to have promised! No of course you don't uproot your family if your best opportunities are in Australia, she's the kid and she goes along for the ride! However, you could look at having her go back to live with rellies and see if that is an option which she would prefer then she keeps her educational options open. Failing that you basically have to apologise for making a promise you had no intention of keeping and tell her to suck it up.

LuckyLady2012

Don't want to make you feel worse than you already do, but you kind of set yourself a trap here...You've given a 13 year old an enormous amount of power. All she needs to do is say she's unhappy and your entire family has to move across the world. Your choice is to either have the whole family resent her, or have her resent you all. I'd go for the latter, as someone else said just say you're sorry but you made a mistake (because you assumed she would be happy and you'd never have to address the promise again?), but you're the parents so ultimately its your choice where you live. Once you take away the option of moving back to the UK she might improve, because she can't sit around moping and imagining her life in the UK, she will be forced to accept that she can't have that life anymore and she has to make the most of the life she now has. And severely limiting her access to Facebook might help too, if thats a factor.

Good luck!

jad n rich

13 Hummm, about the age they turn into hormonal lunatics for 4 years then.

Add a cross world move.

Add the pressures of being a teen, high school is not a nice place unless you are one very popular person.

Talk it out, if she will respond , what is the problem why is she unhappy, can it be solved. Often bullying at that age.

If you are staying, be honest and be fair, and be prepared that at end of school she might go back. Or more likely by then you and hub will be totally sick of OZ and she will probably have boyfriend and will be in another round of tantrums about staying, no seriously it happens to so many people.

northernbird

I agree.

curly

Yes tell her when she's 18, as long as she can afford to, she can move back to the UK. Sorry but telling her you'd move back after 6 months was ridiculous, most people take up to 2 years to settle.

Kapri

We've all said things we later regret

I would tell her that you made a mistake - be honest!
Then tell her categorically that you're not going back and that she needs to make an effort with friends.
She'll settle eventually, good luck

Chortlepuss

We came over when my daughter was 13 - the younger one(10) had a much easier time of it. Initially it was hard, then she met some lovely friends and settled down. Now she's a well balanced 18 year old who loves her life in Australia. I don't think the schools or facilities are any better in Oz than in the UK, but do feel that kids grow up a little more slowly here - and compared to the UK, the cost of unis seem quite a bargain! Give her tine, she will settle

macy

I know how stroppy a 13 can be as I have one, I wouldn't dream of basing our family life on the mood swings of my one.

It's a tough age to be and with the move etc it was never going to be easy. Admit you made a mistake, be prepared for the backlash and then just sit back and watch, she will make more friends eventually, ban facebook if possible to only once a week, its hard to make a new life when she keeps reading about the old one she left behind..... good luck it's not going to be easy

Juliecabs

I'd tell her that if she still feels the same way when she's 18 then she can go back to the UK as she will then be an adult and can make her own mind up.

I bet you any money she decides to stay because there'll be a boyfriend on the scene by then

Julie. x

Gillbabe

Speaking as a mum of 3 teenage daughters if you can afford it and she has grandparents to stay with let her go back to the uk on her own for a holiday. the journey and time away from oz will make her realise the grass is not always greener. maybe she just needs reminding of why you moved to oz. Good luck, they do grow out of it and she will probably be mortified when shes 20 the fuss shes caused.