Servant24kids

Hi again,

Many thanks for your kind and sympathetic words. I must admit when I wrote the first message I was rather angry and upset and needed a rant.

What I did not mention is that FIL is divorced, has become dependent on us helping out with things like bills and mowing, and furthermore has high blood pressure which has resulted in a couple of 'mini-strokes' when he has got het up in the past.
Otherwise, he is fit and lucid.

We are not giving up on our dream though. We just need to go around him rather than through him. He has known of our interest in emigrating so there was no shock there. He obviously believes we would not actually do it.

We ARE going to do it.

S24kids
x

Don

Well you never know, stranger things have happened...

Servant24kids

LOL - musn't think like that!

We may be old and cantankerous one day...

:lecture:

Don

My MIL is 72 I think, guess my wife was a tailender as she's 5 years younger than mygoodself. Anyway, the MIL gets worse and worse in terms of bearability/ irritation factor but concomitantly very obviously worse in terms of general health and well-being.

Only a matter of time, Don old son.

sjn2003

Good to see by your second post that you have not completely ditched your desire to emigrate and this site (it can be a source of strength and assistance ).

I 'm sure FIL has some redeeming features, but from what I have read I would be off like a shot and not give him a second thought.

Many of us on here have family who we love dearly and get on with - leaving them, now thats what I call hard. But you have to do what is best for you and your family.

Don't give it up

wmoore

Good on yer.

nickyjohnt

Hi, just realised how wonderfull my dad is after reading some posts! My mum died 13 years ago now, and my dad has since remarried. Me & my family, along with my sister & her family are all applying to emmigrate to Perth. Which means he will be saying goodbye to his only children & all his grandchidren.
Not once has he said he doesent want us to go but wished us all the luck in the world.

Happy birthday Dad ( its his birthday today )

one in million !! ooh gonna cry now

she'llberight

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Glad to hear you're going for it. As previously said, live your life for you, not for others. Life is too short to be held back by mean, selfish people. You may find that in the end when he sees you are serious about what you want to do, he will be more inclined to want to come with you. Bit of a story here, my father has had cancer for 6 years now (83 yrs old) and is closer to my sister than me. Mum is loosing it a bit and has become a bit of a witch (another story). Anyway, my sister has decided to up-sticks and move to Norfolk to run a Guest House. She told my parents last weekend. Dad took it better than Mum (which surprised us all). I think Mum was seeing it more as what is she going to do when Dad passes over. My sister up in Norfolk, her in Bedfordshire, me in Buckinghamshire (we haven't told them about our plans as yet). Anyway, my sister and husband asked Mum and Dad to go with them. They have agreed. Now I know they're not moving to the other side of the world but when they were faced with the thought of being on their own, it certainly made my Mum change her tune.

I decided to hold off telling my parents about our plans until they became a bit firmer, my sister beat me to it! I know that, although Dad may not have much longer with us, I would still choose what I thought was better for me and for my family.

Good luck.

Pollster

Good for you - we are here any time you want to/have to rant again!

vicky o

Glad you are going for it!!
It's all well and good saying don't let him bother you, but he obviously does. His feelings must matter to you otherwise you wouldn't be ranting.
But you are right, you've got to work round him. He'll come round in the end.

You could always try the old chestnut, "We would really like your blessing on this as it's going to make our lives so much better, but with or without your blessing, we are going!!"

Worked a treat for me.

Good luck!

DawnBlayney

I agree with all that's been said. And everyone's situation is different & what's right for them is different. For me,my n=mum gave us a really hard time (in of course the most polite sort of way), and that went on through all of the process - until we actually had the plane tickets!
I think up to then she refused to accept it - cos she thought she could change it - but now - although not ecstatic! she does seem to have accepted we're going - is talking about coming to visit etc - I think if it is presented as fact it is easier - stick with it - and all the best - Dawn

bettytweena

Its good to see your willing to see this through. I think thats the thing about migration......only the strongest survive....we come up against such criticism and emotional turmoil, if we are not certain of what we want to do, we simply give up when faced with obstacles.
I really feel for you, but in essence, agree with everyone else...you've only got one life, you've simply got to make the most of it. If you had decided not to continue, you would have forever looked back and wondered whether you had done the right thing. At least this way, the future will answer this question itself.

Take care, be strong...these things have a habit of sorting themselves out.......
xxxx

steve-n-jo

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You must not let this wicked old man stop you from doing what you want with your life.

Think of your children, the prospect of giving them two nationalities. Think of yourselves and the life you want.

No disrespect but you could stop and he could be dead in six months and your application could be held up for months.

Keep going, you are your own family at the end of the day.

Jo xxxx

Ozzy dog

So glad to read your second post, its very productive to have a rant now and then, I real felt for you, you seemed so upset.

Sometimes we end up responsible for the way others treat us, giving into your FIL means that you colude with his behaviour. But - there is more than one way to deal with this, going round him may be the way forward.

Maybe you could almost gently reprograme his expectations of your and yours. Gently see if he can get help from others with his chores etc. People do change, unless you challenge him he has no need to.

It may seem really hard to deal with him, he obviously has power over those around him, emotional blackmail is a force to be reckoned with. From the outside, in that place of not being involved it can seem very straight forward, but not many of us have had someone threaten suicide if we don't comply with their wishes. This doesn't mean give in, but take stock and prepare yourself for the bumpby ride. Remember - you are not ultimately responsible for his choices!

This has certainly tested your resolve and I really do wish you well, you know how long it takes so just go for it anyway, people do change and if he doesn't you may become stronger.

Take care

Tracey.

Servant24kids

Hi again,

I cannot believe the support I am getting on this forum. Hugs to you all!

We are considering several options - Mr.S24 taking him over to Oz for a quick holiday, the possibility of him coming with us, helping him move to a manageable home, coming over for a few months every English winter to see the kids and Australia, etc.

Nothing's certain but one thing is for sure that if he cares so little for us that after all this effort and he still wants his own way, then he has really lost us.

I will let you know what happens.