Servant24kids

We've been serious about going to NZ or Oz for over a year now. We've spent thousands looking at NZ over Christmas and Oz over Easter. All our friends and family know about our enthusiasm and wishes the best for us.

Now it seems that is all except f-in-law.

Perhaps we should have realised he had the temperment to cause big trouble - he's caused enough of it in the past. He plans to fight tooth and nail to prevent us from leaving him in his old age, selling our inherited house and taking his beloved grandchildren away from him ... he wouldn't hesitate in suing us if necessary - even if he cannot eventually win.

If all that doesn't work he would threaten to do what his father did ... attempt suicide.

He will not come with us ... anywhere. We either get brutal and put up with all the trouble he can throw at us, or we aim for a quieter life. We are not brutal people, our children are fond of their grandfather and we do not want them upset by how vicious he can get.

I'm deleting all my favourite sites on the subject (including this one) and put all our emigration paperwork into a bag, and hope to come back to it in the future, even if it is for our retirement.

Bye-bye.

Pollster

NOOOOO - don't give up.

The only thing to do with bullies is stand up to them - I know it would be hard but this is YOUR life to live, not his.

How long has he known about it? This could be just a knee jerk reaction amd he could calm down, as others on this forum can testify.

Otherwise , don't tell him what you are doing until the plane tickets are booked and the house is sold - what can he do to you when you are the other side of the world?

If you have the gumption to think about moving to a new country you sure as hell have the gumption to stand up to him.

Others have had a hard time of it with rellies - get your support from them (us) and pursue your dream.

Pants

ohh how sad and bloody selfish of him.....I hope you do go forward with whatever plans are BEST for you....I do know where you are coming from.....although I am out here in OZ I get it from my in-laws..not as bad though but still bloody awful

I wish you the best of what you deserve..HAPPINESS.

Cheers

Pants

friends

Dont give up and let him win. Its harder for him to bully you when you are 12 thousand miles away. Hang in there.

mozzie

There have been a few posts like this recently, but boy! this one takes the biscuit.

Hope everything works out eventually. Best of luck, and don't give up.

sky

bye

SteveBannister

What are you, some kind of bloody wimp or something?

Who's life are you trying to lead? Yours or his?

Let the big baby throw his bloody tantrum. He sounds like a spoilt prat to me.

he needs someone to take him aside and tell him what a complete a***hole he's being.

I'll gladly do it if you want, send me his phone number.

Or if you really want to bottle out, that's one more visa for somebody with some guts to start a new life.

Steve.

wmoore

True. Every schoolboy knows there is only one way to beat a bully. The selfish b*****d!
Work out what's best for YOU & YOUR FAMILY and be strong about it. I know it's easy for me to sit here and type that but relations are going to be about nil anyway after that I would imagine. If he can't be ahappy for you following your dream then he certainly deserves no consideration from you.

Larissa

Hang on in there!!!
Something to add (the others have hit the nail on the head re. bullying etc)
People can change!!!
I woudn't have thought my dad would, but after the initial shock, he is now OK about things. He had thrown one heck of a fit, threatened to destroy my photos etc. but I just stood my ground and avoided any confrontations.
People can act incredibly "childishly" at times, especially when they feel threatened. I had to reassure my dad that I would do my best to visit, that I loved him etc. while being realistic, letting him know that it wouldn't be that often, but would be for a few weeks at a time. What I've learnt from the experience is that he doesn't know how to deal with, or express his emotions. He was actually really worried that we wouldn't see him again.
Don't give up - hang on in there, stand your ground, be sure yourself that you are going for all the right reasons... but don't give in to bullying.

BTW We are always here! Lots of us have been through similar experiences & it can help to just get it off your chest sometimes.
Sending a big cyber hug your way,
Larissa

sky

My dads got loads of money and he uses it as a tool, a kind of power... he has never been a good father his money means nothing to me and when I moved to nz he said I and my children would not be in his will ... so fair enough ... silly old G*t.

You know what you are doing though I hope so all the best

rossifumi

Tell him to go away and have a serious chat with himself the knobber. If you give into him, you'll hate him and never talk to him again so what's the difference? You my aswell go!
Suicide is all mouth, he ain't got the balls to do it! Plus, it's for losers.

irishmolly

Don't give in to him...it's your life and the future of your family and not up to him to decide your destiny.

YOUR LIFE - YOUR CHOICE !!!!

Keep the dream alive and go for it

Pollyana

I knwo its already been said, but don't give in,you have to do the best thing for YOUR family. Stick to your guns, and as Larissa has said he may well come round in time.

When I announced I was emigrating and marrying an Aussie, my dad's response was to tell my sister "I hope she realises how far it is when she has to come home with her tail between her legs".But during the last few months before I came over he was great, got on well with the Bloke, and wished me all the happiness possible as I left.

Good luck, I hope things work out.

badri

Let me tell you my story may be that helps. I am indian by origin. As indian custom when you are 24 years and have a job the first thing that comes to parents mind is marriage. I didn't want to marry a person who i barely knew (10 minutes of meeting). When I refused and wanna have my own life. It was a hurricane in the house. People threatened me, taking me out of the will, suicide you name it they tried everything. I kept my ground.

I gave them only one option respect my life and decision. It's mylife I wanna live not others.
No one listened I moved out to holland. I met the person of my life. We got married last year and now we are planning to move to oz.

So the moral of my story, Stand up its your life and kids life. What would you choose in-laws or your kids life.

I know it's easy said but beleive me if you beleive in yourself and in kids then you can fase any d*mn thing..



Never Never give up. If it happens once then you are done for ever.....

rossifumi

Fair play Badri, fair play.