sherman989

Hi

Long story but i'll keep it short, Ex will not sign the stat dec, we have done everything else to be able to get our visas, done the medicals, been out for a month fact finding mission with the kids,had a court date, brief meeting with cafcass, having to do statements and back to court in May, with final hearing if not resolved in June. BIG PROBLEM !! Ex says he had no problem with us going BUT has problem with contact issues. We have reasured him with letters from solicitors that the children can phone him when ever they want ( thats a joke we have to keep on at them ) internet access, web cam
mail and he's free to visit when ever he wants within the school hols, dates of which he has until the end of 2006.Perhapes later when the children are older we can fly them over for a trip solo, they are aged 11 & 8yrs. What else can we do??.
My question is... has anyone else had similar problems and or how do they get over the contact issues, has anyone else got any good ideas, what would you do in this suituation?.

Stressed parent & partner who is now poor...

Mandie & Sherman :scared:

Wickedsid

Hi Mandy & Sherman
Sorry can't help as not in same position.
Just wanted to say I really feel for you, you seem to have done quite a lot to allay ex's fears, and maybe I'm just bad minded but it sounds like a touch of the green eyed monster on his part to me.
Be thinking of you
Carole

Chris Mitchell

Sorry not in that situation,must be really difficult, does that mean you cannot take kids without stat decs
sad to say but would money talk?

does the judge take into account what the kids want to do?

It seems so wrong that an ex can have so much power over the rest of your childrens childhood, and your lives. I know obviously he has rights and they too need a relationship with him.

Does he see them often now, if not can you prove how many times he has seen them?

I hope you find some answers and a way round your problem

Good luck
Chris

dolly1

Hi been through this and now in Australia- PM me. I know how stressful this is- Dolly

andrew63

Mandie & Sherman
I was in the exact same position!
Ex refused to sign the stat dec.
I am sure you are aware that Court Order is also acceptable for migration purposes (as long as if it is exactly what is required).
Did the CAFCAS thing
Did the solicitors thing
Did the local Court
Went to Family Court
Went to High Court in the end.
Ex was battling all the way
Cost me GBP10k in the end and took a year.
Ironicaly, from day one, CAFCASS, ex's solicitor and judges all agreed that it was in everyone's best interest for the emigration to happen and it was simply a case of money and time before I succeeded. Ex knew that too but continued the battle (on legal aid of course!). Off topic, I wrote to Legal Aid about the waste of tax payers money as this case is/was a lost cause with an inevitable outcome that all parties acknowledge but they had no decent response apart from it is was the ex's right to contest the move. Another good reason to get out of England in my opinion.
Anyway, the contact agreement included fortnightly phone calls made by my daughter to the ex (like she really doesn't want to and has to be puished big time!). I offered and agreed to as much phone calls, web mail, email, text, letters that either my daughter or the ex wants. In fact, the fortnightly phone calls are the only things that happen! No surrise there.
I also agreed to once every 2-years to pay for a flight and accommodation for the ex to come to Australia and my daughter would stay in their hotel. On the alternate every 2 years, I would pay for my daughter to go to London for staying contact. In summary, annual physical contact. We agreed that 10-days over Easter time would be the best time. Easter that has jist passed would have been the ex's first visit over here but in true tradition, failed to come even though I had selected decent flights (Singapore Airlines) and a decent 4* hotel. The reason given to my daughter "I wouldn't be able to afford the train fare to the airport in London or for food etc. when in Australia". Go figure! Again, we all knew that would happen making the whole Court case a sham and a waste of money that would have supported my family and just as much of UK tax payers money! Ridiculous.
My ex volunteered to come over in 200 under the same conditions but I refused saying that my daughter would come to London as per the Court Agreement (my daughter does not want to go anyway).
There is a great clause in the Court Order that all of the above is subject to my financial situation being suitable enough to afford the expense.

Sorry for the long reply.

Summary is you should be OK, offer the free holidays but get a clause in saying subject to finances and if your children want to go too!

I had one major advantage in that I could prove my ex's reluctance to visit my daughter for a period of 3.5 years before emigration became a thought. Only when my ex heard of the emigration when I tried to get the Stat Dec sent was an objection made with the usual mud-slinging lies that I had prevented contact etc. Again, I easily proved that was not the case.

If your ex is in regular contact with the children and it is a decent relationship, you may find this very difficult to break up and the do-gooders will crucify you on this site for daring to know what is best for your children.

Good luck and if I can help any more, PM me as this stuff is best kept personal away from those that think they know best!

Andrew