Advice Needed
Jun 27th 2005, 8:04 am
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 68
Advice Needed
Hi to all of you,
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
Jun 27th 2005, 8:25 am
#2
forever hopeful
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: oh,i don't flippin know, why ask me
Posts: 1,879
Re: Advice Needed
Sorry i have no advice to give but feel for you so much. we were in oz when our eldest were 7 and 4 and they did fine. but now we are looking to go back next year and the eldest will be 11. she has such good friends here and i am beging to worry about this problem also.
sending you k for your worries. i am sure it will all be ok in the end.
Lousie
sending you k for your worries. i am sure it will all be ok in the end.
Lousie
Jun 27th 2005, 8:41 am
#3
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 12,063
Re: Advice Needed
Originally Posted by MistySunshine
Hi to all of you,
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
are there any clubs, sports activities etc she can join to meet kids with similar interests.
are there any other expat kids at her school what about talking to her teachers they must be aware that she is being excluded.
sorry if none of the above is helpful really feel for you and your daughter must be hard.
where abouts in oz are you maybe someone on the forum is near you with kids of a similar age.
good luck hope things get better.
Jun 27th 2005, 8:44 am
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 957
Re: Advice Needed
Sorry to hear about your daughter. Its so easy to keep saying 'give it more time' but that won't help her at this moment in time. I moved house quite often as a child - about every 3 years - so know what its like to be the new kid. Does she have any activities she likes doing. I find that is often a good start to find some common ground with people and also meet people with similar interests. Are there any clubs at school she could join? Any sporting activities or otherwise? Just keep focusing on the reasons you moved to Oz (and how helpful everyone was with your other daughter). Do things together as a family. Give her lots and lots of support and encouragement. I'm sure that in 6 months she will have loads of friends. Sometimes others are a bit shy as well and it takes a while of seeing your face around to make them feel comfortable around you. Sorry, there is no 'magic wand' to make everything better. Hope she settles soon,
Best wishes,
Ruth
Best wishes,
Ruth
Jun 27th 2005, 8:49 am
#5
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,511
Re: Advice Needed
i agree with all the above:
try clubs in the area, do they have local trampolining , swimming, clubs etc
a welcome party, and invite all her school class - make sure its cool and trendy though
can you befriend another mum in her class and ask for her help, children may like different things in oz than they did in the uk, what is trendy and cool?
can you talk to the teacher and ask for help?
just ideas
amanda
try clubs in the area, do they have local trampolining , swimming, clubs etc
a welcome party, and invite all her school class - make sure its cool and trendy though
can you befriend another mum in her class and ask for her help, children may like different things in oz than they did in the uk, what is trendy and cool?
can you talk to the teacher and ask for help?
just ideas
amanda
Jun 27th 2005, 8:52 am
#6
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 68
Re: Advice Needed
Thanks Louise, Possoms, Pootle & Amanda for your replies.
As you say Louise I think we as parents have to remember that it is hard for our children when making the transition. We are in Adelaide. As possoms and Pootle have suggested I will encourage her to join clubs etc and invite kids round. I went so far as to buy her two concert tickets and told her she could pick a friend to go with her. Failing which I would go.
I think if I make her time as full as possible with clubs etc she will have less time to dwell on her situation and may make friends without trying if you know what I mean.
Suppose today I was just feeling a little upset as feel homesick for what I am not sure but I can count on one hand how many days I have felt like this so I am not complaining.
If anything the fact that my youngest has been through so much and has made friends gives me the peace to know it will work out eventually.
As you say Louise I think we as parents have to remember that it is hard for our children when making the transition. We are in Adelaide. As possoms and Pootle have suggested I will encourage her to join clubs etc and invite kids round. I went so far as to buy her two concert tickets and told her she could pick a friend to go with her. Failing which I would go.
I think if I make her time as full as possible with clubs etc she will have less time to dwell on her situation and may make friends without trying if you know what I mean.
Suppose today I was just feeling a little upset as feel homesick for what I am not sure but I can count on one hand how many days I have felt like this so I am not complaining.
If anything the fact that my youngest has been through so much and has made friends gives me the peace to know it will work out eventually.
Last edited by MistySunshine; Jun 27th 2005 at 8:55 am.
Jun 27th 2005, 8:58 am
#7
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Sydney
Posts: 1,628
Re: Advice Needed
I can remember having the same problem myself in the UK when we moved areas in the UK and it was the 3rd year of senior school.
One thing I did was join clubs which I had an interest in. I joined the local swimming club (I wasn't a really fast swimmer but I really enjoyed it and ended up representing the county as a synchronised swimmer which I started doing through that club) and through that I got to know people with the same interests as me.
It seems to be that once you break the inital barrier others start speaking too. I also joined the local St. Johns Ambulance Cadets & ranger guides so had quite a few people from various years saying hello to me in the corridor. If the school runs any clubs this could also be a good place.
Most my closest friends now I have met through my dive club here in London so one of the first things I will be doing when I get to Sydney is joining a local dive club so I meet people with similar interests and hopefully make friends.
One thing I did was join clubs which I had an interest in. I joined the local swimming club (I wasn't a really fast swimmer but I really enjoyed it and ended up representing the county as a synchronised swimmer which I started doing through that club) and through that I got to know people with the same interests as me.
It seems to be that once you break the inital barrier others start speaking too. I also joined the local St. Johns Ambulance Cadets & ranger guides so had quite a few people from various years saying hello to me in the corridor. If the school runs any clubs this could also be a good place.
Most my closest friends now I have met through my dive club here in London so one of the first things I will be doing when I get to Sydney is joining a local dive club so I meet people with similar interests and hopefully make friends.
Jun 27th 2005, 9:00 am
#8
Rocket Scientist
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Dreamland AKA Brisbane which is a different country to the UK
Posts: 6,911
Re: Advice Needed
Misty Sunshine where are you?
Dunno if this helps, but if you are in Brisbane you could try PCYC for activities. They are really great, quite a few of them around Brisbane & a great range of activities. Click on PCYC Branches on the left hand menu & choose the one closest to you.
http://www.pcyc.org.au/
Or would she be interested in Guides? (or whatever the equivilent is for that age?) Or is that not cool? LOL
Hope your daughter (& you ) are feeling more positive soon .
Dunno if this helps, but if you are in Brisbane you could try PCYC for activities. They are really great, quite a few of them around Brisbane & a great range of activities. Click on PCYC Branches on the left hand menu & choose the one closest to you.
http://www.pcyc.org.au/
Or would she be interested in Guides? (or whatever the equivilent is for that age?) Or is that not cool? LOL
Hope your daughter (& you
) are feeling more positive soon .
Last edited by MrsDagboy; Jun 27th 2005 at 9:03 am.
Jun 27th 2005, 9:05 am
#9
Rocket Scientist
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Dreamland AKA Brisbane which is a different country to the UK
Posts: 6,911
Re: Advice Needed
Oooops sorry, just saw that you had edited to say you were in Adelaide. Check to see if SA does anything like PCYC down there .
.
Jun 27th 2005, 9:17 am
#10
Keeping an eye out !
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 885
Re: Advice Needed
Originally Posted by MistySunshine
Hi to all of you,
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
can't help as I'm in the UK, but have you tried Adelaidebrits website, sure you must live by someone who can help you, they are a really friendly bunch on there, give then a try, www.s2.invisionfree.com?Adelaidebrits
Good luck
Carole
Jun 27th 2005, 9:41 am
#11
vivi
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Eudlo
Posts: 380
Re: Advice Needed
Originally Posted by MistySunshine
Hi to all of you,
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
I often read rather than post but need a little advice if anyone can help.
Our problem is our 14 year old daughter. She is in school but is so unhappy. We have been in Australia since end of February and after a dreadful start (younger daughter had an accident) thought that the kids would be ok. I don't think we realised that it would be so hard for our eldest daughter. I just don't know how long I can go on saying its ok you will make friends soon. We would pick her up after school and she would just sit and cry. The problem was she was so happy back in the UK but she wanted to come to Australia and give it a go. We sat our children down and explained that making friends like they had back in the UK would take time. I thought perhaps some would have by now been willing to include her but it seems so hard for her. They seem to have made their friends and be in their groups and unable or unwilling to let another 'in'.
What as a Mum and friend can I do? Anyone have any suggestions??
The younger daughter is making friends quite easy, younger ones seem more curious and welcoming.
Thanks for any suggestions.
Good luck to her, and we want to know how it all pans out, someone else might be in the same situation!
ViVi
