Hi, we are due to move to Perth mid March 2010. My son is 15,16 in September and wants to complete his 4th year education in Scotland. We are not happy about it BUT he is digging his heels in. I'm thinking about it as he is so against the idea of moving at present. We knew he wasn't happy about it but he has got worse since we managed to sell our house and the removal men were here to move our belongings.He would stay at his grandparents who he is close to so there wouldn't be a problem there. My only concern is where would that leave him education wise as in , would he join year 11 late or join year 12 next term or even back to year 10. Or would he be able to go straight to college or even into employment as an option. Not ideal i know but it has taken us a couple of years to get our PR visa. He has promised me he will come over in June, just don't know what to do , I have even thought about forgetting about the whole thing but we won't get another chance. Any advice would be much appreciated at this time. Ps my wife is at her wits end about leaving him but he is mature (ish) and sensible and he would be with us again in a few months . The other option is drag him on the plane against his will but I really dont want to go down that road. Thanks

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Has he agreed to give Australia a go? Is it the usual leaving friend and family that is upsetting him?

In my opinion, moving as a family would be the best thing. Leaving someone behind should not even be an option. Staying to finish the school year is going to have no bearing on what year he starts school in Australia. He may even find himself behind a year when he gets there.

If it was my child, I would drag him there (for want of a better word). Your making this move I assume for a better life for your family and therefore I think you should move as a family.

I am lucky as I have a 3 year old so it's very different. But I firmly believe, that despite the fall out, the parents make the decision. If your gut instinct is to take him with you then do it. Emotionally hard, but such is life.

Good luck with everything!

Thanks Janna and nick, the emmotions are running very high in the house at the moment as you can imagine. He got in from school a couple of hours ago and said those magic words" I will agree to come but I'm not happy" . Friends of ours had the same problem 2 years with their daughter who was the same age and now she doesn't even want to come back for a holiday! He has a very close group of friends, football team and a girlfriend so it must be hard as you can imagine. Would we have left him? Deep down I doubt it . Its the first time he has actually said he would go. It shouldn't be an issue as he is only 15 but he has been very upset and it hurts us deeply . Anyway now its full steam ahead to Perth next month as my gut feeling is weather the storm and eventually he will be happy in Oz. I e-mailed a school this afternoon around 8 o'clock their time and within half an hour got a reply saying they could accomodate him , just a case of catch up with extra work he has missed. Hats off to them. Once again thanks for your reply.

Be positive and upbeat about the move and don't let him see he has control over your emotions and he will come around.

Although from the sound of it he has come around already to some degree. Chin up and full steam ahead.

All the best!

Its a very tough call but I know that we wouldn't have been able to get ohn the plane if any of our 3 sons hadn't decided to come with us. We were lucky ours were 18, 16 and 12 when we moved here 4 1/2 years ago. The eldest was all for it which made life easier as the younger two certainly were not so sure. It was especially hard for our 16 YO to do but he never once said he wouldn't come so we didn't have your prob lem but I know deep down he had reservations. That was until we landed!!!!! He has loved the place from the second he stepped off the plane. He went into year 11 to do both years of VCE so that he would get a better ENTER score even though they said academically he could just have done year 12. He was apprehensive about joining a new school (and going back into uniform!) when the rest of the year group had been together for so long but they invited him in for an orientation day in the November to start in the January and by the end of the day he had made so many great frineds that they spent the whole summer together, included him in everything and he has the same friends now. He was totally accepted and has never been happier. I remember him gving a speech at his valadictory assembly as the "new" kid and saying it had been the best 2 years of his life, I had tears in my eyes!!! They are always going to have doubts but have faith it really can have a happy ending!!

He's 15. Who's running the show, you or him? I have very personal and rather painfull experience of this and the best way to go about this is to be definate in your plans and consistent in your message.

You make the decisions, not him

That's a risky strategy. Especially, if he is close to 16 .

You do risk a problem but I wouldnt leave him - he is a child. You leave him, he turns 16, you arent necessarily going to get him here. You and your wife will argue more when she wants to go home to be with him. If he fails everything she will blame you and herself for leaving the baby.

I would try to broker a deal - he comes, he spends 2 years here, if he wants to go back, you will pay his airfare. I would also buy him something wild for coming, like a limo or something

I think most 15 year olds can be bought

You can tell I havent put much thought into the last part

Thanks everyone, he has agreed to come which makes it a whole lot easier. I just hope he settles in ok at school. His little sister (11) cannot wait to get there as she is so excited about the whole thing . TRA , medicals and the visa process were a walk in the park compared to this lol. We can now start to get excited about the move instead of worrying about him all the time. Thanks to everyone for your views.

Nice thread,we have all of this still to come at the end of the year with 15,13 and 7 year old sons........so far so good at this stage but the 15 year old has just started dating his first girlfriend