Ridere per non piangere ...
Apr 3rd 2014, 11:58 am
#151
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Province of Vicenza
Posts: 19,038
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
P.S. Auto correct is mad. In January I wrote something like "atterato ok" and it came out as "attentato ok". Luckily it was only to the MIL and she knows that I am not an assassin.
Apr 3rd 2014, 1:59 pm
#152
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,304
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Apr 3rd 2014, 5:34 pm
#153
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 46
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
I had a kitchen installed a couple of years ago and I had a few issues with the work and duly sent an email outlining the problems, it was only when I referred back to the email a few days later that I noticed that auto correct had changed my " kind regards" to " kind retards", 
Apr 4th 2014, 7:03 am
#154
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Province of Vicenza
Posts: 19,038
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Well her son is still alive 
I had a kitchen installed a couple of years ago and I had a few issues with the work and duly sent an email outlining the problems, it was only when I referred back to the email a few days later that I noticed that auto correct had changed my " kind regards" to " kind retards",
Jun 22nd 2014, 6:58 am
#155
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2011
Location: Milan, Italy
Posts: 710
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
After the revolution, Berlusconi and Renzi were captured and sentenced to death. First Berlusconi was told he could choose between hanging, the firing squad or the electric chair.
Berlusconi replied, "Well, hanging is for thieves, shooting is for spies, so I'll have the electric chair". So they put him on the electric chair and pressed the button. Nothing happened. They pressed it a second and a third time, still nothing. At this point his punishment was commuted to life imprisonment. As they were taking Berlusconi back to his cell, he saw Renzi being brought out and was in time to whisper, "The electric chair doesn't work!"
So it was Renzi's turn: "What kind of execution do you want? Hanging, the firing squad or the electric chair?"
Renzi replied: "Well, hanging is for thieves, the electric chair doesn't work, I'll have the firing squad!"
Berlusconi replied, "Well, hanging is for thieves, shooting is for spies, so I'll have the electric chair". So they put him on the electric chair and pressed the button. Nothing happened. They pressed it a second and a third time, still nothing. At this point his punishment was commuted to life imprisonment. As they were taking Berlusconi back to his cell, he saw Renzi being brought out and was in time to whisper, "The electric chair doesn't work!"
So it was Renzi's turn: "What kind of execution do you want? Hanging, the firing squad or the electric chair?"
Renzi replied: "Well, hanging is for thieves, the electric chair doesn't work, I'll have the firing squad!"
Oct 15th 2014, 12:12 pm
#156
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,304
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
My office mate just got back from West Africa and he is ill and keeps buying raffle tickets .........
I think he may have contracted tombola...
I think he may have contracted tombola...
Oct 15th 2014, 3:15 pm
#157
Pull my finger
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Vicenza
Posts: 4,064
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
It's been confirmed that Dawn French has contracted the Ebola flesh-eating disease.
Doctors have given her 27 years to live.
Doctors have given her 27 years to live.
Apr 15th 2015, 12:30 pm
#158
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,304
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Just sent this by my Italian office mate and wondering whether I should send it to the Frenchman down the corridor....
French Military History in a Nutshell
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.
War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.
War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
Apr 15th 2015, 6:24 pm
#159
MODERATOR
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Province of Vicenza
Posts: 19,038
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Just sent this by my Italian office mate and wondering whether I should send it to the Frenchman down the corridor....
French Military History in a Nutshell
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.
War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.
War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
Apr 15th 2015, 9:04 pm
#160
Concierge
Joined: May 2006
Location: ex ex-pat, in Taunton
Posts: 27,242
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Just sent this by my Italian office mate and wondering whether I should send it to the Frenchman down the corridor....
French Military History in a Nutshell
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.
War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."
Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War: Tied.
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.
War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".
French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.
War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
Apr 16th 2015, 9:56 am
#161
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,304
Apr 16th 2015, 12:31 pm
#162
Pull my finger
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: Vicenza
Posts: 4,064
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Maybe he was having a heart attack?
Apr 16th 2015, 12:34 pm
#163
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,304
Apr 19th 2015, 12:52 pm
#164
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 687
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Well I guess everyone loses in the end but didn't the French under Napoleon win a few matches in Italy?
And help Italy to become a nation?
And didn't the French help out the Pope at least once?
And what about the Normans in Sicily (yes I know they were originally from elsewhere).
It does seem to be an odd thing for an Italian to send and think funny.
Despite France's dodgy war I also wonder if, at least amongst the younger generations, France has dealt with its wartime past somewhat better than Italy.
And one could argue that since Italy didn't manage to become a country until very late (and the record since then isn't one of total triumph) it had before then spent centuries losing losing by fighting amnongst itself, often with the frequent help of mercenaries.
I have fairly often found that Italians have a dodgy somewhat mythical knowledge of history. Maybe the Italian workmate was hoping that the French colleague didn't know any history.
And help Italy to become a nation?
And didn't the French help out the Pope at least once?
And what about the Normans in Sicily (yes I know they were originally from elsewhere).
It does seem to be an odd thing for an Italian to send and think funny.
Despite France's dodgy war I also wonder if, at least amongst the younger generations, France has dealt with its wartime past somewhat better than Italy.
And one could argue that since Italy didn't manage to become a country until very late (and the record since then isn't one of total triumph) it had before then spent centuries losing losing by fighting amnongst itself, often with the frequent help of mercenaries.
I have fairly often found that Italians have a dodgy somewhat mythical knowledge of history. Maybe the Italian workmate was hoping that the French colleague didn't know any history.
Apr 19th 2015, 1:27 pm
#165
Dunroaming back in UK
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Expat in Yorkshire now
Posts: 11,304
Re: Ridere per non piangere ...
Well I guess everyone loses in the end but didn't the French under Napoleon win a few matches in Italy?
And help Italy to become a nation?
And didn't the French help out the Pope at least once?
And what about the Normans in Sicily (yes I know they were originally from elsewhere).
It does seem to be an odd thing for an Italian to send and think funny.
Despite France's dodgy war I also wonder if, at least amongst the younger generations, France has dealt with its wartime past somewhat better than Italy.
And one could argue that since Italy didn't manage to become a country until very late (and the record since then isn't one of total triumph) it had before then spent centuries losing losing by fighting amnongst itself, often with the frequent help of mercenaries.
I have fairly often found that Italians have a dodgy somewhat mythical knowledge of history. Maybe the Italian workmate was hoping that the French colleague didn't know any history.
And help Italy to become a nation?
And didn't the French help out the Pope at least once?
And what about the Normans in Sicily (yes I know they were originally from elsewhere).
It does seem to be an odd thing for an Italian to send and think funny.
Despite France's dodgy war I also wonder if, at least amongst the younger generations, France has dealt with its wartime past somewhat better than Italy.
And one could argue that since Italy didn't manage to become a country until very late (and the record since then isn't one of total triumph) it had before then spent centuries losing losing by fighting amnongst itself, often with the frequent help of mercenaries.
I have fairly often found that Italians have a dodgy somewhat mythical knowledge of history. Maybe the Italian workmate was hoping that the French colleague didn't know any history.