Tegwyn

What was not said was how this op is able to take these kids out of the country without some input from the biological Dad. Written consent would be required for them to even begin the application process. I get a feeling this is more of romantic wishful thinking than a proper enquiry. There is a boatload of details to prepare for before beginning this process.

Daxk

NOW THAT'S CRAZY AND BEYOND SELFISH HEY?!
Yes,I think it would be.

Tegwyn

ebgbs Chasing the heart is not new, but once there are other people to consider (children) the rules change even if it is a hard choice. A white face trying to get a decent paying job in SA is going to be a huge challenge. Without a firm commitment from this man you care for, I highly suspect you will qualify for a visa on your own merits anyway. You will have to prove that you are financially viable and/or supported by another. Girlfriend status will not qualify you especially since you have dependent children.

pgtips

What about your kids father and his family, why would they agree to you taking their kids to a crime ridden place ?

What about you as a parent putting your children first ?
He is putting his child above you and your kids, and seems to have his priorities right.

Stop acting like a love sick teenager and wake up out of this bubble and see the reality. If he really loves you that much he will stay in the UK and visit SA to see his son when necessary and his son can always come and visit him.

Pugsy

Gotta agree with PG - the complications, risks, sacrifices and long term adjustments just do not add up.

AudsFrmSA

Hi ebgbs,
We are in Jhb., and currently in the process of selling up because we want to leave SA! I have two children ages 6 and 9, and I can see how the daily living in fear is affecting them, and that is not right/fair. It's all they've known having been born here, but still it's sad to see that they cannot live in a more 'relaxed environment' when it is available outside of SA! My kids have never been on a bus or train because those are the type of things you just stay away from. How sad is that, that they've never experienced a train/bus ride?. In the UK schools, you have fire-drills in SA schools you have terrorist-drills plus armed guards at the entrance gate! My reasons for leaving SA are mainly because of the daily violent crimes that go on, and the constant living in fear and having to always be so 'alert', it gets very exhausting, another reason is, when my children reach their late teens and want to go out with friends to nightclubs etc., I wonder how I'll ever be able to sleep at night, we cannot stop our kids from 'living' but at the same time, living here, there are so many boundaries in their lives because of the crime, and I believe if we don't leave now, the kids will anyway in the future, when they are older - not much going on for them here. Friends of ours were chatting the other night and we all agreed that living in SA, you tend to over-protect your kids and they never really learn important life-skills or become 'street-wise'. Ultimately, we're giving up everything we have here for our kids and their futures. We owe it to them to have a 'normal' a life as possible.

SabsLee

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I am moving to Cape Town early next year with my partner. We don't have chdilren , but we're both really exicted about this new adventure. I've lived in South Africa for 4 years (03-07). I lived in Pretoria and Durban and have visited Cape Twon on loads of occasions. I never experienced or knew anyone who had experienced any serious crimes. I can't really offer you any advice except to say that as long as you take certain saftey precautions which are obvious and become second nature after a while, there is no reason why you shouldn't truly love south africa, and i think all that fresh air and sea and sand and sun is a wonderful place for two young children. Better than eating junk food in front of the playstation while it rains outside constantly! good luck with whatever you decide, but you should go with what you feel in your heart and i wouldn't compromise the love of my life for a few horror stories, which are often grossly exaggerated by South Africans who haven't lived in the country for a very long time!
All the best!!

Daxk

"few horror stories, which are often grossly exaggerated by South Africans who haven't lived in the country for a very long time! "

Anyone have a spare copy of Carnegies "How to win friends and Influence people?

AudsFrmSA

Some would say not to comprise the safety of her children, I guess it depends where your priorities lie. Those that have a horror story to tell would not exaggerate it, there is no need, it's bad enough that they've been a victim of crime in the first place! What do you mean 'South Africans who haven't lived in the country for a very long time? Surely, if they are South Africans they have lived in the country since they were born?

SabsLee

I dn't know what is implyed by 'anyone got a spare voodoo doll'. I am merely talking about the scare storied related to me by the South Africans who live in London etc who take it upon themselves to make their home country sound absolutely terrifying. I do not deny that violence and crime is a problem. However, I have lived there for four years and can safely say i have had closer encounters with voilence in UK with drunken chavs than i ever did in south africa. I had to adjust my behviour to protect myself, once this was done and accepted I got on with enjoying being in one of the most beautiful countries in the world.

Tegwyn

How interesting to get such an upbeat blurb when the op herself does not live there currently. Yes, I suppose those of us with family and friends back there simply do not comprehend the fear, issues and crime our loved ones face every day. We should all heed a dew eyed daydreamer to sell a HCR soaped up version of happy days without any substance of what is really happening.

Pugsy

Certain precautions, like locking ourselves in sleeping quarters at night, tucked up in our own bed with the alarm on, dogs, GUN UNDER PILLOW, etc. and still getting invaded. Right, so what more could we have done to avoid that...?

To the unbelievers, you are most welcome to the country and enjoy, but please don't kid yourselves that it's all made up/exaggerated.

P.S. I LOVE SA, I don't hate it at all. But the home of my family and childhood is gone, you wouldn't get me raising my kids there, sorry, not in a million.

Last point, we live in the UK in a beautiful spot and are not in front of our xbox's all day long. We are outdoors, by the beach, hiking, waterfalls, garden, we just put our coats on!

Daxk

Sabslee, I changed my request for a Voodoo doll as I really dont wish what we experienced,personally,and our friends still experience,on anyone.

I see you recommend taking certain precautions, would you mind describing them?

See on www.news24 that there is another Family in mourning, but I guess its exagerrated.

Pablo

All true, but who's listening? Increasingly I feel tempted to tell these aggressive head-in-the-clouders just to go and learn for themselves. If it blows up in their faces, well too bad. Lesson learnt.

It gives me no pleasure to say that the things that even the most pessimistic have predicated have come to pass -- only faster than even the worst predictions. Yes, while there's life there's hope, and all that. This is even true for utter basket-cases like Congo, and, alas, the once full-of-hope Zimbabwe (remember that, anyone?).

Anyone who is following the dire predictions on the economic front at the moment surely cannot sensibly countenance a move to the so-called developing world, unless they have vast resources.

g_harvey

I am South African, born in Port Elizabeth, then lived in Cape Town and then moved to Joburg for uni. In all the years that I was living there I have never experienced any crime. My husband, who is British, was living in Jhb with me until 4 weeks ago when we moved to the UK. He actually noted to his family last night that with all the horror stories he thought that he would see/experience more crime, but nada! You just have to be vigilant, as you always are wherever you go. I mean, I lived in Japan for 2 years and while that is relatively safe, you get a lot of stalkers.

Cape Town is beautiful!