ebgbs

Hi

I AM COMPLETELY MENTAL WITH A DEATH WISH AREN'T I?!

I am white, British, with a 4 year old & a 2 year old considering moving to Cape Town because I have met a man who is everything I could dream of for my boys and I. HOWEVER my S.A. man is very much needed by his family back home (we're currently in the UK) and although we are besotted with one another it is looking like unless I go to Cape Town with my 2 boys then we are going to loose one another forever. If this was (pretty much) anywhere else in the world this would be a no brainer-BUT-when I read some of the horror stories it makes me feel that I am crazy considering this for me & my little ones!
I have read the stats, I have read the horror stories. I have visited Capetown and met people that haven't been affected by crime but it seems there a lot more that have. I am afraid to go, then again, I'm afraid that if I stay and loose this wonderful person that I will regret it forever! So-here I am, sharing, researching, hoping, wondering etc etc! Please share your thoughts! (Yikes-just read Dee's thread from last December to April 2008!)

Daxk

Probably lots,egbs, the Cape is an anomaly,it has the highest murder rate because of Drink,Drugs and Boredom, but somehow seems to have less of what drives people out of Johannesburg.ie violent crime, I'm sure its there, ut either its not reported or it is lower.

The only thing I can put it down to,is that A) The cape is farther away and B) it has a lower level of Urbanisation than Johannesburg/Pretoria.

If you were asking about moving to Joburg,my advice would be dont.
your kids are still young enough, go and try it with the love of your life, it either works or it does'nt.
If he loves you enough and it gets bad, you can get out of it. you have a brit Passport.

ebgbs

Hey DaxK
thanks so much for your reply ;-)
It's Cape Town we're thinking of moving to. We are smitten and consider ourselves very lucky (both having got it wrong 1st time around), trouble is moving there (to the excitement of his awaiting child) and then leaving that child is not an option. Going & leaving again is a no-no. My fears (having read many posts here) are that we "give it a go" & don't live to tell the tale, due to being raped or murdered in the process??!! I guess my question is to people already living there-how realistic is it to expect to be hijacked/raped/murdered/burgled whilst sleeping etc?!

Daxk

. Going & leaving again is a no-no.
Sorry,You are highly likely to leave again.
Unless B/F is/was disadvantaged.And if thats the case its a whole new ballgame.

I guess my question is to people already living there-how realistic is it to expect to be hijacked/raped/murdered/burgled whilst sleeping etc?!
Enough for 20% of all races and about 60% of the white population to try and get out.(the other 40% know they cannot or choose to believe that they dont want to)
It will take you awhile to develop whats known as the 360.
Even in CT.
Wake up,switch off the alarm, unlock the "safety" gate between you and the rest of the House, Wait to make sure you have seen the outside Dogs move around before you open the back Door Security Gate to let the "yapper" dog out, usually a Yorkie,Jack russel etc
get the kids fed, they are young enough and i'm sure you wont need to work, get them in the car, lock the doors ,close the windows, open the electric sliding gate etc.... come back, check the rear view mirror, make sure its safe...drive in, unlock the car, unlock the security doors, lock them again..
SA is beautiful, its also constant vigilance, about the kids, your surroundings, where you are where you are going and thats EVERYWHERE.
You're happy to live with that, fine.
a lot of people are'nt.

Stanley10

The good old days of burglar bars, alarms, rabid guard dogs, armed response etc, etc. Must confess I still have an alarm in Melbourne (creature of habit), but don't switch it on at night. I also was never hijacked, raped, murdered or burgled whilst asleep, or awake for that matter, and I lived for 30 years in and around Jo'burg.

Daxk

I wish everyone could say the same, Stanley.

Pablo

I think you need to live there for a while in order to understand why so many people are prepared to turn their lives upside down and leave.

ebgbs

I really NEED to HEAR this stuff loud & clear. I know no-one ca m ake up my mind for me. My choice is loose a dear man who is amazing with my children (& quite likely spend years or forever alone) OR take my chances (&those of my children!) and go DESPITE the warnings! Now-should anything happen to any of that is one BIG mistake/bitter pill to swallow/hard lesson to learn.

Looking at what you say about disadvantaged-no-he is a white 40 year old male. He has connections in engineering firms from university days, he was offered work when he was there in Spring 2008, he didn't take up the post at that time. I don't know if the job offer is still available, I don't know if this company would be able to keep him on long term.

I feel less safe home alone all day with the kids (as I read here somewhere that the burglars prefer to have you at home), then again-from the things I have also read here about schools (suffering education standards/security guards at school???!!! Aids etc;-( I think I'd worry about my kids being out of my site at school too!!!

THEN-the "crazy" side of me says-"Hey-this may never happen to you. People live there now and have not been affected, if you don't go you may regret it for the rest of your life!" If only there was a magic "do this & you wont/are less likely to be a victim"!!!!!

THANK YOU ALL so much for your kindly taking time out to reply

ebgbs

Stanley-may I ask you why you left. Also to everyone else, are you still in S.A?

Pablo

Personally, I don't think one should live an insurance-policy life. But one should also be prepared to take the consequences without bleating. No life is risk free. Only death is risk free.

And, as Keats said (I think it was Keats), maintain a 'negative capability'.

ebgbs

It was Keats! AND-I like that philosophy and were it not for having 2 wee bubbas in tow who's lives I am responsible for I probably would have a more "devil may care" attitude. Unfortunately the consequences of that "what will be will be" attitude may have grave consequences hey?! BUT MAN is it tempting to "just go" as a UK South African friend of mine has recently advised-telling (she & her man are from Jo'Burg & moving to Cape Town next year)
Thanks - your response made me smile at least!
I think I need to keep praying for divine intervention/a definitive word!

Pablo

Yes, well there you are, and thanks for confirming it was Keats. I didn't have time to check.

I don't think it's so much 'devil may care' as a careful appraisal of what matters to one in life. Those old (hated?) colonials went out with far less of a safety net, and there was no going back, and they had to make the best of it.

1066

Is there no possibility of your beloved bringing his family to the UK to live?
The weather is lousy, apart from the S.E., but it is generally a lot safer.

If he really cares for you as much as he seems to, then he should consider it.

ebgbs

Yes-wouldn't that be great! Trouble is his ex wife left the UK with their child 7 years ago and hasn't any intention of returning with him-it would definitly be a great solution if she would consider it but as they're now divorced neither child or mother have a UK passport.

ebgbs

Hmmm-yes-well when you put it like that it definitly puts the dangers" into perspective. What is considered a possible danger to me may not have put the old colonials off-then again-what was their alternative?