clarissageo

Izzy, I got your PM, and I'm gonna sit down and reply properly tonight (I'm at work right now!)

I am gonna get you out of that house girlie!!

Brat1

See - what did I tell you. You're not alone. Stick with us kid and you'll do ok!!

PS - Hope you're feeling a little bit better

Trixie_b

yeah, I hope that you're feeling a bit better.

when I first got here I joined a book club on www.meetup.com (recomended by someone on here!) it got me a coffee friend.

I've found that the social aspects of life here are different to the UK, and so I work hard at making and keeping friends. I'm the one who aranges the cinema trips with my friends or the pizza night or the games night at my house.

I invite neighbours over and keep inviting them, only because out of the 30 or so people I might attempt to socialize with 1 or 2 of them may prove to be good friends and we all need those.

I love my pets (the british ex-pets) - sorry guys, somehow it stuck when I said it by mistake to the hubster, and a lot of you are animals!

Izzywig

Thanks everyone. Things are bumpy right now as my 15 year old wants so badly to go home.

His father is there and all his friends and he found out today that he has failed all his 2nd quarter exams

His fear now is that he will have to do 9th grade all over again and make more new friends. He is in bits tonight

My husband is amazingly supportive and we may well go back to the UK and he will join us when he retires in two years but the thought of that makes me want to give up on everything.

I am certain there is a solution that suits everyone but right now I have no idea what?

I am just so glad that I found BE..

Thank you so very much xx

Steerpike

You may want to put your location in your profile so it shows up on the left side under your name. Helps to know where people are!

P.S. - best of luck! I love it here and hope you will too.

trottytrue

So sad for your son he must be going through an awful lot. Exams in the US are different to the UK so that is why he probably failed. Let him know that.
No one else can tell you what to do, you can get advice and listen to other peoples experiences but in the end its you that has to make the decision.

Two years is not along time if it means your son is back where he belongs. I was away from my husband for a year and it was tough but you know there is an end to it. With your son its much more. He's been uprooted and taken out of an envirement that he is comfortable with and placed in one which he knows nothing about. If you and your husband have a strong marriage then two years will pass quickly.

Perhaps you could suggest to your son that you stay till mid June thats when summer holidays begin in the US. Who knows by then he might feel better.

Izzywig

That is what I have in mind I think... we are ralleying the school right now and hope they can help. My son hasn't even gone to school today he is so distressed.

I am not so sure on the strong marriage front... its been a tough 4 months but I am a Mom and I have to do what is best

trottytrue

Poor Izzywig such an awful position to be in but as you say you are a Mum first they really do rely on you and they are so vunerable. We can take the knocks but for them its the 'day' not what could be. My prayers are with you. God Bless.

Izzywig

thank you

Englishtart

I can empathise with you on the issues you are having (well most) I am living in IL and my hubby is in CO, we have been living apart now for well over a year, same reason as you may be thinking about, our 17 yr old Son. He hated the school in CO, or thought he did, he wanted to be back in IL where all his old friends were, We finally made the decision to come back here for his sake (mainly) we thought hubby would be able to join us here by transferring with his job...didn't happen.

After being back here for over 6 months, our Son realised he had made a mistake! All his friends here had moved on and he found it really hard to find his place here again. Hubby started looking for jobs in other States (to get us all back together) Finally this last month, he has found one, but it's in SC Our Son isn't happy about the move, says he wanted to either go back to CO, or stay here! too late now, we are hoping that he will settle in there eventually, it's a bit harder for him now as he only has his senior year to finish. We will move during the Summer to allow him to finish his Junior year here first.

I hate the long distance thing, we do have a very strong marriage, but it's still not easy. I'm hoping that by us being all together again, that will help our Son with the settling in process

Good luck Izzy...not an easy place to be for you and your son. I really hope the school can help

Izzywig

Thank you ... everyone's support is helping so much.

There are many factors at play here. When he is happy things seem ok. When he is unhappy I really feel it and then start the whole guilt thing about leaving, his dad being so far away (he was fully supportive), lack of interests here for him and no friends.. he had SO many friends in England.

This all then makes me doubt my decision and second guess what I am doing...

It's flippin killing me... I am losing weight, my hair is falling out and my marriage is evapourating right before my eyes...

We did nearly 2 years long distance and this was our new start... its been a nightmare

Brat1

Izzywig and English Tart

You know what. The old saying is true that there is always someone worse off than yourself. I feel so sorry for both of you and how hard both your situations must be.

I don't have any advice for either of you because I've never been separated from my hubby or been in the situation with your kids that your in but I can sympathise with the guilty feeling thing. I hope that my 16 year old doesn't struggle with our move as much as yours but all I can say is that I'm sure you will make the right decision, whether you stay or go back to where your kids want to be.

Hang in there.

As for the stress, why don't you try yoga to try and get you through because you have to relax at some point and your hair falling out is just your body's way of saying - STOP. Have you tried having a family conference - we have done this all the way through our move and find it clears the air and lets everyone involved understand how everyone else is feeling.

Good luck to both of you and keep posting. We're all here to help

Izzywig

we have dinner together every night at the table and talk. He puts on a brave face most of the time and occasionally shows a glimmer of being happy.
My youngster loves it here so that is compounding things also.

I have gone past the point of being able to relax and have fallen into a hole where I 'blame/resent' my husband and just want out.. but I am not sure that is the answer...

Brat1

I don't think you really resent or blame your husband, I just think you are getting really depressed, and with no-one around to put an arm around you and tell you everything will work out, you've got into a rut and don't see a way out.

You are going to have to try and chill out or you'll make yourself ill. How supportive is your OH. Does he understand how down you are at the minute.
I still think you have to brave the storm and give it until at least the summer to make a final decision, but only you know how much more you can take.

Honestly, you are not on your own.

meauxna

Wouldn't it help to remember.. he's 15.. aren't some of these just usual symptoms of being 15? And you've only been here 4 months; of course the pull to the 'known' is going to seem better than facing the struggles of trying something new.
Add in a new family member, and it's not hard to see this would be a difficult time.

I've been reading family immigration stories for over 5 years now; your experience is not unique. Painful, but not unique. I urge you to seek out others who've moved under similar circumstances (visajourney might be a good site for that).

Even though I'm not a mom, I was a kid who was moved abroad and across the country at some crucial times in my life; I think it made me adaptable and flexible and expanded my world view (for a positive spin on going through the temporary pains).
"Happiness is a result of not trading what I want at the moment for what I want most."

I wish you all the best, and hope you can play on the same team and pull together. US spouse included; he needs to know what he needs to be doing to help.