Feeling very down about the whole thing
Jan 26th 2010, 12:03 am
#76
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 13,111
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
I have lived here a total of 27 years and the UK for 10. UK beef is much nicer- and that's compared to Wholefoods, and local organic farms (I only eat local/organic as much as possible). Same goes for the veg- a longer growing season in the UK, plus the ability to get it from the groud to your kitchen in a much shorter amount of time makes it taste much better, as they don't lose as much natural sugars in the transport process. Perhaps you haven't been to the UK in a while? When we left last year, I felt the food industry had reached new heights. Thanks is probably due to chefs and campaigners for this kind of quality like Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Jaime Oliver, and such. I know it is possible to get organic, grass fed, Aberdeen Angus if you really try- but then you pay a fortune.
As for the US, I know that much of what is sold in mainstream outlets is crap. However, the Bay Area of California has long been a hotbed of organic/natural, and I've been a big fan for the longest time. I would bet good money that the quality of food readily available in the Bay Area is every bit as good as the quality of food available in the UK - you have to look for it, and you have to be willing to accept 'differences' - like bacon (that part of the animal is simply used for different cuts here so you are not going to find 'English Bacon').
Part of the problem here, I believe, is that 'mainstream' groceries are so darned cheap, and when you compare shopping at Safeway to shopping at (eg) Whole Foods (aka Whole Pay Check) it's hard to justify the extra. But if you compare the cost of Whole Foods to similar goods in UK, and adjust for real cost of living, then I'd say it's still relatively inexpensive here to buy good stuff - which is what I was trying to put across to the OP way back - prepare to spend a bit more and get the good stuff otherwise you will be disappointed.
I have a vegetarian friend here (originally from UK) and she still has a big struggle on her hands when she goes back to UK finding any kind of decent vegetarian food in restaurants; something she can easily handle here in CA.
Jan 26th 2010, 12:11 am
#77
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Arizona
Posts: 20
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
Very normal feeling. My wife was sick in the airport on the way here. Colorado is a very nice state, supposedly the one with the highest quality of living in the US. I have friends living there (Americans) and they love it.
Everything is very different and will take some getting used to. But what's good and bad is entirely dependent on your personal taste. Note that certain things you may be used to, like normal chocolate or bacon, is not readily available. All chocolate here is very 'chemically' and tastes nothing like a proper Dairy Milk. Same for bacon- it's all 'streaky' and no one's even heard of 'back bacon.' But you can still get this stuff- BritishDelights.com will ship you crisps and chocolate and other such things... but they tend to be nearly out of date. They call real bacon 'Irish Bacon' here and you can get it in Wholefoods supermarkets- there are about 20 in Colorado.
We use Skype a lot to stay in touch with family in England- its free and the video is great. Still miss the UK a lot and plan on returning, but you can make a good life in the US for a bit less and it's good work experience, so it's not bad. Hope it works out very well and don't panic!
Everything is very different and will take some getting used to. But what's good and bad is entirely dependent on your personal taste. Note that certain things you may be used to, like normal chocolate or bacon, is not readily available. All chocolate here is very 'chemically' and tastes nothing like a proper Dairy Milk. Same for bacon- it's all 'streaky' and no one's even heard of 'back bacon.' But you can still get this stuff- BritishDelights.com will ship you crisps and chocolate and other such things... but they tend to be nearly out of date. They call real bacon 'Irish Bacon' here and you can get it in Wholefoods supermarkets- there are about 20 in Colorado.
We use Skype a lot to stay in touch with family in England- its free and the video is great. Still miss the UK a lot and plan on returning, but you can make a good life in the US for a bit less and it's good work experience, so it's not bad. Hope it works out very well and don't panic!
but you will never get to eat creamy delicious dairy milk here in the USA... you eat 2 chunks of Hershey chocolate and in 5 minutes headache... sugar and chemical rush.. disgusting stuff haha!
Jan 26th 2010, 12:30 am
#78
BE Site Lead
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: MA, USA
Posts: 92,170
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
Part of the problem here, I believe, is that 'mainstream' groceries are so darned cheap, and when you compare shopping at Safeway to shopping at (eg) Whole Foods (aka Whole Pay Check) it's hard to justify the extra. But if you compare the cost of Whole Foods to similar goods in UK, and adjust for real cost of living, then I'd say it's still relatively inexpensive here to buy good stuff - which is what I was trying to put across to the OP way back - prepare to spend a bit more and get the good stuff otherwise you will be disappointed.
I have a vegetarian friend here (originally from UK) and she still has a big struggle on her hands when she goes back to UK finding any kind of decent vegetarian food in restaurants; something she can easily handle here in CA.
I have a vegetarian friend here (originally from UK) and she still has a big struggle on her hands when she goes back to UK finding any kind of decent vegetarian food in restaurants; something she can easily handle here in CA.
Don't notice such a huge difference in price across the UK in that regard.
As for vegetarian food, also depends on where you look in the UK, back in Oxford it is all over the place, get a better veggie selection in the fast food joints than you do in the US and finding decent veggie food in MA/ME?
Don't forget, you've got far more hippies on your coast than we do 
Jan 26th 2010, 2:57 am
#79
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 35,082
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
You rang?
(I've been out of the vegetarian restaurant gig a long time now.. not exactly a pioneer, but I feel like it with these whippersnappers these days. Why we used to have to go to the tofu factory ourselves...)
(I've been out of the vegetarian restaurant gig a long time now.. not exactly a pioneer, but I feel like it with these whippersnappers these days. Why we used to have to go to the tofu factory ourselves...)
Jan 26th 2010, 2:38 pm
#80
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Cincinnati OH
Posts: 19
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
I am late to this and new to BE.
I up-rooted my kids (15 &11) 4 months ago to get married here. Things in the UK were tough and it seemed like a 'no-brainer' for us all the settle here in the US rather than the UK.
The kid's Dad was fully supportive and encouraged the move.
It has been soooo hard. So many bumps and I feel so guilty for having brought them. They seem ok and are ''making the most of it'' for me.
The oldest has found the transition hardest. He was a county level rugby player in the UK and of course here we have struggled to even find a team. We have now but its just not the same.
The youngest misses her Dad but loves it here.
I, on the other hand, feel I am sinking by the day
I would say the guilt is the hardest part
I up-rooted my kids (15 &11) 4 months ago to get married here. Things in the UK were tough and it seemed like a 'no-brainer' for us all the settle here in the US rather than the UK.
The kid's Dad was fully supportive and encouraged the move.
It has been soooo hard. So many bumps and I feel so guilty for having brought them. They seem ok and are ''making the most of it'' for me.
The oldest has found the transition hardest. He was a county level rugby player in the UK and of course here we have struggled to even find a team. We have now but its just not the same.
The youngest misses her Dad but loves it here.
I, on the other hand, feel I am sinking by the day
I would say the guilt is the hardest part
Jan 26th 2010, 2:43 pm
#81
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Cincinnati OH
Posts: 19
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
I felt the same - Although I'm here on a CR1, and my hubby is American - I was telling him I wanted to get off the plane as it was taxiing down the runway, despite all we had worked for and achieved in getting the visa in the first place.
It does get better, and I'll only echo what everyone else has said - once I started working and making my own friends away from DH I started to settle in.
I do still have my moments though, where I want to throw my stuff in a bag and head back to england, but my BE friends - who are also now facebook friends and who I meet up with as often as we all can, soon make me realise that i'm being a numpty!
It does get better, and I'll only echo what everyone else has said - once I started working and making my own friends away from DH I started to settle in.
I do still have my moments though, where I want to throw my stuff in a bag and head back to england, but my BE friends - who are also now facebook friends and who I meet up with as often as we all can, soon make me realise that i'm being a numpty!
Jan 26th 2010, 3:03 pm
#82
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Bishopbriggs - now Bethel, Connecticut
Posts: 1,439
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
I am late to this and new to BE.
I up-rooted my kids (15 &11) 4 months ago to get married here. Things in the UK were tough and it seemed like a 'no-brainer' for us all the settle here in the US rather than the UK.
The kid's Dad was fully supportive and encouraged the move.
It has been soooo hard. So many bumps and I feel so guilty for having brought them. They seem ok and are ''making the most of it'' for me.
The oldest has found the transition hardest. He was a county level rugby player in the UK and of course here we have struggled to even find a team. We have now but its just not the same.
The youngest misses her Dad but loves it here.
I, on the other hand, feel I am sinking by the day
I would say the guilt is the hardest part
I up-rooted my kids (15 &11) 4 months ago to get married here. Things in the UK were tough and it seemed like a 'no-brainer' for us all the settle here in the US rather than the UK.
The kid's Dad was fully supportive and encouraged the move.
It has been soooo hard. So many bumps and I feel so guilty for having brought them. They seem ok and are ''making the most of it'' for me.
The oldest has found the transition hardest. He was a county level rugby player in the UK and of course here we have struggled to even find a team. We have now but its just not the same.
The youngest misses her Dad but loves it here.
I, on the other hand, feel I am sinking by the day
I would say the guilt is the hardest part
but will be heading over next month. I understand completely how you feel and I imagine I'm going to go through similar over at least the next year.The support on this forum is fantastic, and people on here will always be realistic whether it's what you want to hear or not.
I would imagine, try and think why you made the move in the first place. If you're sure you did it for the right reasons, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. As I said previously, we all as parents make decisions that sometimes don't work out the way we expected but as long as you know you did what was right at the time, then you have to give yourself a break. You've only been there 4 months. Most people on here say to give it at least a year to 18 months and not to return home in that time.
Please look at the positives, be there to listen to the kids when they've had not such a good day and hopefully through time, they'll adjust, make a new group of friends and settle more.
I think the younger the child, probably the easier it is for them to adjust, and I'm just as concerned as you about my 16 year old and hope I don't regret doing what we're about to do.
We're all here to listen when you're having a bad day so keep posting and keep that chin up. Have a glass of wine on me.
Jan 26th 2010, 3:13 pm
#83
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Cincinnati OH
Posts: 19
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
I've not made the move yet but will be heading over next month. I understand completely how you feel and I imagine I'm going to go through similar over at least the next year.
The support on this forum is fantastic, and people on here will always be realistic whether it's what you want to hear or not.
I would imagine, try and think why you made the move in the first place. If you're sure you did it for the right reasons, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. As I said previously, we all as parents make decisions that sometimes don't work out the way we expected but as long as you know you did what was right at the time, then you have to give yourself a break. You've only been there 4 months. Most people on here say to give it at least a year to 18 months and not to return home in that time.
Please look at the positives, be there to listen to the kids when they've had not such a good day and hopefully through time, they'll adjust, make a new group of friends and settle more.
I think the younger the child, probably the easier it is for them to adjust, and I'm just as concerned as you about my 16 year old and hope I don't regret doing what we're about to do.
We're all here to listen when you're having a bad day so keep posting and keep that chin up. Have a glass of wine on me.
but will be heading over next month. I understand completely how you feel and I imagine I'm going to go through similar over at least the next year.The support on this forum is fantastic, and people on here will always be realistic whether it's what you want to hear or not.
I would imagine, try and think why you made the move in the first place. If you're sure you did it for the right reasons, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. As I said previously, we all as parents make decisions that sometimes don't work out the way we expected but as long as you know you did what was right at the time, then you have to give yourself a break. You've only been there 4 months. Most people on here say to give it at least a year to 18 months and not to return home in that time.
Please look at the positives, be there to listen to the kids when they've had not such a good day and hopefully through time, they'll adjust, make a new group of friends and settle more.
I think the younger the child, probably the easier it is for them to adjust, and I'm just as concerned as you about my 16 year old and hope I don't regret doing what we're about to do.
We're all here to listen when you're having a bad day so keep posting and keep that chin up. Have a glass of wine on me.
Cheers
Jan 26th 2010, 3:22 pm
#84
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Bishopbriggs - now Bethel, Connecticut
Posts: 1,439
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
You're welcome
Just remember, no matter how bad you're feeling, there's someone else on this forum that has either been through it, going through it, or about to go through it
so don't feel so bad. Focus on the positives!!! 
By the way, where are you located Izzy. Maybe there's someone on here that lives close by or even in your state which will maybel make you feel better.
Just remember, no matter how bad you're feeling, there's someone else on this forum that has either been through it, going through it, or about to go through it
so don't feel so bad. Focus on the positives!!! By the way, where are you located Izzy. Maybe there's someone on here that lives close by or even in your state which will maybel make you feel better.
Jan 26th 2010, 3:23 pm
#85
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Cincinnati OH
Posts: 19
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
You're welcome
Just remember, no matter how bad you're feeling, there's someone else on this forum that has either been through it, going through it, or about to go through it so don't feel so bad. Focus on the positives!!!
By the way, where are you located Izzy. Maybe there's someone on here that lives close by or even in your state which will maybel make you feel better.
Just remember, no matter how bad you're feeling, there's someone else on this forum that has either been through it, going through it, or about to go through it
so don't feel so bad. Focus on the positives!!! By the way, where are you located Izzy. Maybe there's someone on here that lives close by or even in your state which will maybel make you feel better.
Much appreciated
Jan 26th 2010, 4:50 pm
#86
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
Izzywig. if you take a look at the over 60's and moving back to the UK you will see many posting from the other side of this issue. We who moved to the US with little children and then when the children where in there teens wanted to go home but it was not possible, well we who stayed made that decision to stay because the children where to entrenched in the US way of life and it would not have worked.
Your oldest son will find it very difficult its so hard being a teenager let alone trying to fit into a different society. I know people think that here in the US they are the same as the UK but they are not. I found that out quickly. I can remember helping my children with spelling tests they brought home from school. I got a letter from the teacher asking me not to help as I was teaching them wrong
and that was just one thing.
Perhaps you could give your son a timeline and tell him if he isnt settled in a certain amount of time either you all can go back or he can go back.
In schools here probably the same as in the UK you have different groups the achievers, the middle of the roaders, the under achievers, and the sports groups. The group to worry about most is the under achievers for whaterever reason they feel outsiders and some turn into trouble makers and thats the ones you have to look out for. Some of the sports groups are also not the best. If your son feels he doesnt fit he might be persuaded to join that group. Just keep your eye on him and have open conversations with him.
If you married an American then he will probably know what goes on in schools.
I wish you very good luck. I live in New Hampshire along way from you.
Your oldest son will find it very difficult its so hard being a teenager let alone trying to fit into a different society. I know people think that here in the US they are the same as the UK but they are not. I found that out quickly. I can remember helping my children with spelling tests they brought home from school. I got a letter from the teacher asking me not to help as I was teaching them wrong
and that was just one thing.Perhaps you could give your son a timeline and tell him if he isnt settled in a certain amount of time either you all can go back or he can go back.
In schools here probably the same as in the UK you have different groups the achievers, the middle of the roaders, the under achievers, and the sports groups. The group to worry about most is the under achievers for whaterever reason they feel outsiders and some turn into trouble makers and thats the ones you have to look out for. Some of the sports groups are also not the best. If your son feels he doesnt fit he might be persuaded to join that group. Just keep your eye on him and have open conversations with him.
If you married an American then he will probably know what goes on in schools.
I wish you very good luck. I live in New Hampshire along way from you.
Jan 26th 2010, 5:16 pm
#87
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Cincinnati OH
Posts: 19
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
Izzywig. if you take a look at the over 60's and moving back to the UK you will see many posting from the other side of this issue. We who moved to the US with little children and then when the children where in there teens wanted to go home but it was not possible, well we who stayed made that decision to stay because the children where to entrenched in the US way of life and it would not have worked.
Your oldest son will find it very difficult its so hard being a teenager let alone trying to fit into a different society. I know people think that here in the US they are the same as the UK but they are not. I found that out quickly. I can remember helping my children with spelling tests they brought home from school. I got a letter from the teacher asking me not to help as I was teaching them wrong and that was just one thing.
Perhaps you could give your son a timeline and tell him if he isnt settled in a certain amount of time either you all can go back or he can go back.
In schools here probably the same as in the UK you have different groups the achievers, the middle of the roaders, the under achievers, and the sports groups. The group to worry about most is the under achievers for whaterever reason they feel outsiders and some turn into trouble makers and thats the ones you have to look out for. Some of the sports groups are also not the best. If your son feels he doesnt fit he might be persuaded to join that group. Just keep your eye on him and have open conversations with him.
If you married an American then he will probably know what goes on in schools.
I wish you very good luck. I live in New Hampshire along way from you.
Your oldest son will find it very difficult its so hard being a teenager let alone trying to fit into a different society. I know people think that here in the US they are the same as the UK but they are not. I found that out quickly. I can remember helping my children with spelling tests they brought home from school. I got a letter from the teacher asking me not to help as I was teaching them wrong
and that was just one thing.Perhaps you could give your son a timeline and tell him if he isnt settled in a certain amount of time either you all can go back or he can go back.
In schools here probably the same as in the UK you have different groups the achievers, the middle of the roaders, the under achievers, and the sports groups. The group to worry about most is the under achievers for whaterever reason they feel outsiders and some turn into trouble makers and thats the ones you have to look out for. Some of the sports groups are also not the best. If your son feels he doesnt fit he might be persuaded to join that group. Just keep your eye on him and have open conversations with him.
If you married an American then he will probably know what goes on in schools.
I wish you very good luck. I live in New Hampshire along way from you.
Unfortunately as a dyslexic my son is in classes with under achievers...but he is sensible. We have found a High School Rugby group but its just not at the standard he is used to but he is being positive for now.
Its just not an option to go back
long story but I have nothing to go back to and my husband can't afford to lose his retirement here which would happen if we all went back. There are two options..stay and 'tough it out' or go back with the kids and return to a long distance relationship yet again.I so desperately want to do the right thing for my kids the trouble is I have no idea what that is at this point!
I truly appreciate the support I am getting here at BE.. its such a lonely place to be right now
Jan 26th 2010, 5:59 pm
#88
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
Izzywig...Make sure to ask for help at the school there are some very famous people who are dyslexic. Sometimes schools seem to assume that because a child has a problem they dont want to learn. Just make sure that he gets good teachers. I know with my daughter they wanted to put her in classes with under achiever teachers and thats bad. I had to fight to have her get good teachers.
If your son is good at Rugby then that might be his saving grace and give him the boost he needs.
Keep your chin up and take one day at a time didnt mean to make you feel sad if you are all working together then thats the most you can ask for.
If your son is good at Rugby then that might be his saving grace and give him the boost he needs.
Keep your chin up and take one day at a time didnt mean to make you feel sad if you are all working together then thats the most you can ask for.
Jan 26th 2010, 6:03 pm
#89
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Cincinnati OH
Posts: 19
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
Izzywig...Make sure to ask for help at the school there are some very famous people who are dyslexic. Sometimes schools seem to assume that because a child has a problem they dont want to learn. Just make sure that he gets good teachers. I know with my daughter they wanted to put her in classes with under achiever teachers and thats bad. I had to fight to have her get good teachers.
If your son is good at Rugby then that might be his saving grace and give him the boost he needs.
Keep your chin up and take one day at a time didnt mean to make you feel sad if you are all working together then thats the most you can ask for.
If your son is good at Rugby then that might be his saving grace and give him the boost he needs.
Keep your chin up and take one day at a time didnt mean to make you feel sad if you are all working together then thats the most you can ask for.
Oh you didn't make me sad..I was already sad
The school seems pretty good and he stays after school to get extra help but that only makes him feel even more different from the other kids! He is an awesome rugby player and played at a high level in England so here its a bit frustrating for him I am just hoping he makes friends with his new rugby team mates and at least share that interest.
I know I need to look forward and not back, I know I need to get out the house but I seem to have gotten myself in a hole I can't get out of! Thank you so much for all your help here though...it is making a big difference knowing I am not alone.
Jan 26th 2010, 6:56 pm
#90
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 978
Re: Feeling very down about the whole thing
Izzy, being alone in the house must be so isolating. Have you had a look at meetup.com?
They list groups all over who meet and share interests, from dancing to wine tasting, crafts, hiking, sports, photography, sewing, lots and lots. Why not go and have a look and see if there is a group around you that you might enjoy.
I really think meeting others and getting out and about would help
They list groups all over who meet and share interests, from dancing to wine tasting, crafts, hiking, sports, photography, sewing, lots and lots. Why not go and have a look and see if there is a group around you that you might enjoy.
I really think meeting others and getting out and about would help