I would say it probably depends on how old your mum is to be honest. If she is in her 60s and quite capable then by all means go and do your stuff. Just remember how awful it feels to be blackmailed when your own kids want to fly the nest and head off to Europe or America or Timbuctu.

However, if she is older and frailer then you are probably going to find that your own guilt will be intolerable if you leave her to nothing. I am an only child and home for a two month holiday and thus far my mum has been in hospital with a stroke and my dad got taken in yesterday with a heart attack. Am I glad I was here - you bet I am. I dont know what mum (serious mobility problems, onset dementia) would have done yesterday if I hadnt been here (not sure that I would have managed without my son and daughter in law being here too) and I suspect I wouldnt have had a dad today as he wasnt going to do anything as rash as call an amublance. We are assessing things by the day but there is every chance I wont be returning to Australia which wouldnt upset me one bit.

Australia is just a country, it isnt going to offer you anything magical that any other first world country is going to offer and it isnt going to go anywhere. You just have to be able to live with your choices.

I'd be pretty annoyed to put it lightly if my mum or dad said that to me and it would only strengthen my resolve to take the plunge (I move to OZ March 2012). It's pretty selfish to come away with something like that

Is your mom on her own ? Do you have brothers ? sisters ?

Your moms emotions are very normal (just as yours are) and she is just expressing them which is a good thing whether you like what she says or not. Sometimes life isnt all rosie, maybe she is being selfish in what she is saying to you but you also have to see it from her point of view and see that she is just scared. She doesnt like flying so she probably thinks she will never see you all again, are you aware of the cost of flights back to the UK especially when you are earning the ozzie dollar ? it sure isnt cheap. Of course you may be loaded so wont be an issue but if your are not then it will factor HUGELY and therefore it is a serious consideration.

You know you are going, so dont go giving your mom any false hope that it may change. You are the one who is turning her world upside down so suck up the guilt trip and let your mom have her little rants. She will come round to it all eventually, she will have too.

Sorry if I sound harsh, just being honest.

Good luck with your adventure

Thank God you were there.I hope they are ok.Both mine are banged up also.Not how you imagined your holiday to be,but sounds like you were in the right place at the right time.

Thanks everyone some really useful comments here. My mum is 58, my dad 56 and my little sis still lives at home (she's 20). They are all in perfect health (that I know of). Which is part of my reason to want to go now. Because I am not the sort of person that can committ to 'forever' but we wanted to have an adventure and try something else and now seems the right time. Who knows where it leave us? We may stay in Oz permenantly, equally we may decide later on to come back. All I know is I will be around for my parents when they become old and frail (one way or another) and so want to enjoy my time now. Mum has support here and will be fine....I just know she loves us very much and is struggling to come to terms with us being so far away.

Mav x

In which case you come over, without a doubt. I think we were probably all assuming she was in her 70s+ and alone. She's being incredibly selfish, for the best reasons undoubtedly but she didn't have you and raise you in order to stop you living the life you want. I'm more annoyed by her behaviour now than I was before and I don't know her.

Haa haa moneypenny shall I send you her number? she has got the very best of intentions I don't doubt that....she's just going to miss us soo much but I do feel more positive today that she will get used to it over time. Thanks to everyone that responded to my post. I can't promise I won't have another wobble and it's so good to have had so many responses at my time of 'need'!

Mav x

PffffTttt! Well earlier I had been imagining an elderly lady with no husband or other children and felt some sympathy for her (as well as you). But after that post, nope she is being selfish. Of course she loves you and will miss you, that is what parents do, but she doesn't own you. She should still be living and enjoying her own life, overcoming that fear of flying and looking forward to trips out to see you.

My parents had passed away before I came to Australia but they were around before we went to Bermuda and I have the outlaws, can't imagine any of them doing anything other than wish us well. That is what parents should do, let us go.

When I told my Mum we were leaving the UK she said, "How could you do this to us?" I said that, for the first time in ten years (long story), I was doing something for me, and for my new husband.

Selfish? Possibly. Regret it? Not one bit.

Live your own life.

I think its your mum who needs to pull herself together to be honest.
I know if two years ago my mum had known we put our plans on hold for coming to australia she would have kicked my ass - we put the plans on hold due to her being diagnosed with terminal cancer.
When we told my dad this year we were coming out here with hubby's job, he was thrilled for us, and apparently him and mum were expecting it previously - never told anyone our plans. That isnt to say there werent tears at the airport, and he isnt a guy who shows his emotion easily, but we stay in touch and came with his blessing.
Dont put your life on hold due to guilt trips, its too short. My mum had never left the uk, but i know if she was still alive she would be visiting with my dad next year.

Your mother is guilty of emotional blackmail. She isn't going to lose the grandchildren- all she has to do is get on a plane if she really wants to see them. At 58 she is barely older than me and has many years of travelling in her. (If she really is that scared of flying there is a bus that goes overland!)all she is doing is thinking of herself, not you and your family's happiness. don't let her bully you into staying.

Your mum thinks her fear of flying should determine you and your family's future?

Get your dad or sister to offer her a weekend in Paris on the condition that she flies there.

Sheesh, she is younger than me! Nope, if you have an opportunity not to be missed then dont miss it. Nothing is forever and you may well be back in a few years or your kids even more probably will fly the nest back to Europe once the get old enough.

I do think, though, that you shouldnt expect them to do all the travelling - it isnt their choice that you expect them to spend their money flying all over the world. If they dont mind flying and if they can afford it or you can help them to afford it then all well and good but I do think most of the responsibility for maintaining contact should be yours. Not everyone finds the flights easy although the under 60s shouldnt find it too much of a stretch.

Mine are 87 and both not very well but never have they said for me not to go back to Australia (wish they had sometimes!) however this time we have made the offer to come here to live and before his HA dad was looking forward to that so we are hastening the process and I may not go back in a coupe of weeks (whooopeeeee!!!!)

You know I have been considering doing exactly that!

mav x

So, the house has sold and my mother is so completely crushed she cannot talk to me or my children at the moment. Not because she is sulking but because she is constantly in tears and finding it very hard to cope. I am struggling so much. I'm not sure I can go with the guilt of my mums breakdown hanging over me