Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
Jul 31st 2007, 6:36 am
#18
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,820
Re: Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
Old charmer - an old and ugly house
Stunning house - the house is not ugly
Tudor - two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
Cape Cod - styled after Third World slum dwellings
Sunny corner lot - noisy intersection of two busy streets
Easy freeway access - noisy arterial street close to freeway
Low maintenance lot - no yard; the kids will have to play in the street
Meticulously maintained in the original condition - the appliances are 50 years old
Ready to remodel - the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in
Newly remodeled kitchen - 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
Ready to move in - the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint
Desirable neighborhood - this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
1 car garage - you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door
In-city living - it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark
Recreation room with wet bar - basement has been painted and has a faucet
Large family room - large basement
Bedroom in basement - basement has a 1′ by 2′ window
Lots of storage space - basement too small to be called a family room
Partial mountain view - you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
Territorial view - good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
Build sweat equity - the house is not inhabitable
Storybook - the house is old and the roof is not flat
Efficiently designed kitchen - the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
Seasonal creek - muddy ditch across the property
Usable land - all the trees are gone.
Doll-house - tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
Country living - too far from anywhere to drive to work
Country in the city - a grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I
Cozy - not a single room could fit a full size bed
Three season sunroom - a small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate
Close to all amenities - the backyard is a shopping mall parking
Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a steal at this asking price - hurricane Andrew motivated the remodeling; no hurricane insurance available, at any price
Must see inside - the outside is ugly
Motivated sellers - subtract 15% from the asking price
Easy to heat - see “cozy”
Wildlife nearby - children and pets get ticks and fleas
Near transportation - Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night
Pet friendly neighborhood - organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn
Neighborhood watch - your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house
Just available - previous owner just died on the premises, hope you don’t believe in ghosts
Stunning house - the house is not ugly
Tudor - two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
Cape Cod - styled after Third World slum dwellings
Sunny corner lot - noisy intersection of two busy streets
Easy freeway access - noisy arterial street close to freeway
Low maintenance lot - no yard; the kids will have to play in the street
Meticulously maintained in the original condition - the appliances are 50 years old
Ready to remodel - the house is about to collapse; you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel before you can move in
Newly remodeled kitchen - 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
Ready to move in - the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint
Desirable neighborhood - this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation
1 car garage - you can drive your Ford Escort into the garage but there is no room to open the door
In-city living - it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark
Recreation room with wet bar - basement has been painted and has a faucet
Large family room - large basement
Bedroom in basement - basement has a 1′ by 2′ window
Lots of storage space - basement too small to be called a family room
Partial mountain view - you can see the tip of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
Territorial view - good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window
Build sweat equity - the house is not inhabitable
Storybook - the house is old and the roof is not flat
Efficiently designed kitchen - the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time
Seasonal creek - muddy ditch across the property
Usable land - all the trees are gone.
Doll-house - tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
Country living - too far from anywhere to drive to work
Country in the city - a grotesquely overpriced large lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I
Cozy - not a single room could fit a full size bed
Three season sunroom - a small addition the owner did not have enough money to insulate
Close to all amenities - the backyard is a shopping mall parking
Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a steal at this asking price - hurricane Andrew motivated the remodeling; no hurricane insurance available, at any price
Must see inside - the outside is ugly
Motivated sellers - subtract 15% from the asking price
Easy to heat - see “cozy”
Wildlife nearby - children and pets get ticks and fleas
Near transportation - Amtrak train goes through the backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night
Pet friendly neighborhood - organic matter constantly deposited in the front lawn
Neighborhood watch - your next door neighbor has binoculars trained on your house
Just available - previous owner just died on the premises, hope you don’t believe in ghosts
Jul 31st 2007, 12:02 pm
#19
Unmitigated Gall
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: it's still too dark to tell
Posts: 16,162
Jul 31st 2007, 1:29 pm
#20
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 5,763
Re: Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
Heh heh good stuff Ray!
Jul 31st 2007, 1:57 pm
#21
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2
Re: Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
I says to me, please low ball.
Assuming the listed price is in the market range, you might go a bit under normally, but if they are motivated I would knock another 10% off.
Assuming the listed price is in the market range, you might go a bit under normally, but if they are motivated I would knock another 10% off.
Jul 31st 2007, 2:12 pm
#22
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Re: Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
I didnt write it ... just stole it ...
Jul 31st 2007, 4:33 pm
#23
WTF?
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Homeostasis
Posts: 79,367
Re: Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
Americans are very sweet people and I love their country .. (I love it to death, to use a quaint americanism.)
But why can they not forget the euphemisms, and just come out and say what they mean? I just read a real estate listing; apparently "THE STAIRCASE HAS A SMALL ROOM UNDERNEATH WITH A QUARTER BATH."Now, I'm familiar wit the real estate term, a "half bath." That means a bathroom without a bath (I hope that is clear.) A quick search on google elicited the information that a quarter bath was another name for ... just a washbasin. Say what??? What would be so tragic in saying "a washbasin?" After all, not a "rude word" like TOILET.....
Robin
But why can they not forget the euphemisms, and just come out and say what they mean? I just read a real estate listing; apparently "THE STAIRCASE HAS A SMALL ROOM UNDERNEATH WITH A QUARTER BATH."Now, I'm familiar wit the real estate term, a "half bath." That means a bathroom without a bath (I hope that is clear.) A quick search on google elicited the information that a quarter bath was another name for ... just a washbasin. Say what??? What would be so tragic in saying "a washbasin?" After all, not a "rude word" like TOILET.....
Robin
Jul 31st 2007, 4:39 pm
#24
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Re: Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
What complete and utter bastards they must be. I for one am eternally grateful to you for pointing out this nefarious skullduggery!! I am going to scamper off and write a protest letter to some very important person who holds a position of great power - I fully intend to ruin the life of the vile author who had the audacity to commit such an enormous and unforgivable crime upon humanity.
The Pope is not interested in quarter baths
Jul 31st 2007, 4:40 pm
#25
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 15,455
Re: Why are Americans so mealy-mouthed?
What is a toilet without a sink called?
(That's what my aunt has in the kitchen of her hotel
)
(That's what my aunt has in the kitchen of her hotel
)
Jul 31st 2007, 4:48 pm
#27
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Mother Land.
Posts: 14,858
Jul 31st 2007, 4:52 pm
#30
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Mother Land.
Posts: 14,858
