Kaffy Mintcake

You know, I think there is some truth to this. When I was about 14 a girl moved into my neighborhood who was from France. Initially I think many people were curious/interested in her but all we ever heard was "I think it's better the way we do it in France". It was like a broken record and I think her peers found it tiresome. She settled eventually but I think it took a little while because of this.

HumphreyC

Apparently that's about normal for a South Korean.

It is a mugs game though. My friends in Corporate law do those kinds of hours regularly because you are supposed to stay in the office till the client's work is done and you have the 'carrot' of trying to make partner. Average working hours are about 8-7 throughout the year but it's usual to work 16-hour days, seven days a week towards the end of a deal. Now, after 5 years they seem to be mostly burning out or deciding there is more to life and trying to escape from the rat race.

My working week usually works out at between 45 and 47 hours p/w which is more civilised. Used to work weekends as well but decided there was no point.

The Horticulturalist

Well, we see that attitude from many adults who move here too!
It's harder to think rationally when you're 16 though.

Brat1

You know, I've had this conversation with her. She has always been very deep, very quiet and I've had problems in the past back home, where a girl she had made friends with, her parents acutally came and asked me what her problem was with them. She just wouldn't speak to them. She has got better as she's got older, but because of her personality, I feel she's making it harder on herself. People are not going to constantly come to her and she is going to have to make some kind of effort if she is going to achieve any sort of friendships here. As the horticulturist says, at 16, the whole world is against her and we're ruining her life!!!

We've decided she's not going home, at least not yet and she has got to give it more time, but obviously, as a mother, I'll keep an eye on her and we'll just have to take it one day at a time.

Thanx for all the good advice. It's really helped this week and I don't feel as tormented as I did a couple of days ago so thank you for helping put things in perspective.

The Horticulturalist

I know it's hard to watch your child be miserable, but you have the long term view which is that your family is better off in the USA. Now, you can't know for sure whether that will pan out, but that's the choice you've made.

It's also hard to give parenting advice to another parent you've never met on an internet forum! I can only tell you what I'd do if it were my child.

If this were my son at the same stage I think that allowing him to go home just because he was unhappy after a few weeks would allow him to think that if you stamp your feet loudly enough and huff and puff then you can get what you want, and real life just simply isn't like that. I don't want him to become one of those adults that thinks that everything that's wrong and hard in life is everyone elses fault. Sometimes you just have to suck it up, and that is hard.

I feel for you though, a 16 year old can stay in the huff a lot longer than an 8yr old! Before she knows it she'll be 18 and then can do what she wants.

Brat1

Thank you so much.

I think just to hear other parents points of view and what they would do in my situation has definitely helped and stopped my panic. I feel calmer and more prepared to deal with the next few weeks ahead now and know there's people here who have been through similar. This all helps in the phase that I'm in just now and every little helps, so thanks

jjmb

Just a quick reply hopefully- we moved here exactly 10 yrs ago yesterday with our 15 yr daughter, 12.5 yr son and 10.5 yr daughter. I would not say that our time over here has been easy- far from it.(read my previous posts and you will see what I mean )

Like you we had problems with our eldest hating it at first - by the time she got into high school, there was only 6 wks before school shut for the summer. That was the longest summer ever, only one car in this area of Texas (actually any area in TX) is a recipe for disaster. At the end of the summer we were seriously considering sending her back to Scotland to a private school but thought we would see how the first part of the semester went. Lo and behold, she fell in love and problem was solved, well for that period anyway. Now she is 25 and working as environmental investigator in Houston. This month we put in our applications for citizenship.(took 5 yrs for gc, due to various reasons)

Put up with the aggravation and eventually things will sort themselves out . Teenagers are trying at the best of time but moving them at this age is even worse. I am really grateful we stuck to our guns because now, we have a very tight knit family despite being spread around various parts of Texas and my kids are extraordinarily close, probably because they are have all been there for each other .

The biggest problem facing these kids on visas though is the lack of the chance to earn money, especially once they get to university. So now is the time to get her involved in volunteering. It will help with the university application process and vital for her future career in the US plus it will give her something to focus on.

Good luck.

Brat1

Thanks

I take it from your reply, you don't regret the decision you made to come over here, even though it's been tough. I knew it would be hard on the kids at first, maybe I just hoped everything would settle quickly. There's been so much hassle with everything we've done since we got here, it gets a bit overwhelming and I've had a couple of breakdowns through shear frustration.

I'm glad your kids settled and hopefully mine will too, given time.

Hubcaps

Brat1, I don't usually advocate being sneaky but do any of your neighbours or husband's colleagues have a 16/17/18 year old son who could take her out one evening? Pay them if necessary I suppose if you can't fix her up on a blind date maybe some have a daughter or two who can take her to the mall/cinema etc? I appreciate she might spend the entire evening slagging off the US and everything about it but it might just get her meeting people, their friends, friends of friends etc etc.
I'm sorry I can't offer you more specific advice, my two are younger than yours and are easily bribed with stories of Toys R Us, sports and TV "just like Sky" plus it wouldn't occur to them to want to go back to the UK on their own.

Good luck

wilma 1

I am starting to get scared now! We are hoping to move over to Sarasota this year the house has just gone on the market and once sold we will move in to rented, then over to look at businesses. We have a 12 year old daughter who is really up for the move at the moment she will be 13 when we make the move, and we have a 4 year old and a 8 month baby boy. We are very excited about the move but also it's getting very scary the closer it gets. Is anyone living in Florida at the moment that has moved from the uk? x

Brat1

There is a 17 year old boy next door but that would be a no no. She would think I was setting her up!! And she's pining enough for the boyfriend who she's had to leave back home. There is a girl up the road who's 16 but they didn't hit it off at the barbecue on Sunday.

I'm hoping she finds at least one person who she "clicks" with but it's obviously going to take time.

Brat1

Don't get freaked out by my stories. Honestly, if you've thought it through properly and know that you're going to give it a fair go, then go for it.

Yes, I'm finding it tough at the moment, but knew it was never going to be plain sailing and with the good comes the bad. Look forward to your move because apart from the emotional turmoil I'm in at the minute, I love the place we've moved to and anyone who we've met have maid us feel more than welcome.

Good luck with the house sell and post on here if you need any advice or help, because there is always someone who will give you that one bit of advice that you need.

Giantaxe

As a very general rule, the older the kids are, the more difficulties they tend to have in adjusting. That is especially true once the dreaded teenage years are in progress.

wilma 1

Thank you. And I hope you get sorted soon with your daughter. x

Sally Redux

Well that deserves some sympathy.

You will just have to give her time.