expatasia

I must admit it didn't cross my mind at all. Probably because I live here (10:04 am, should be getting back to work.....)

britvic

Believe me if she's started already there is no way she's going to like life over there.
Why let her spoil things for the rest of you, let her stay with her grandmother, you've got your work cut out settling three other kids.

Brat1

Thanks for all the comments guys.

Can I just clear something up. When we were in the UK, all the years of my kids growing up, both me and my OH have never been around because both of us worked long hours. My OH would be working 12 hours a day and I would be working anything from 10-12-18 or any hours a day because of my on call rota. Any time off I had which could sometimes be a weekend off after 12 days on, would be taken up trying to catch up on the housework, washing, ironing etc so there was never any time for us to do any family things. In the summer time, my OH also did homers for the extra cash to help us out a bit.

So to cut a long story short, yes at the minute, hubby is working hard but this is only his 4th week in the job and he is no mug so I'm sure once he finds his feet, things will settle down. I will not be working for the minute as I'm on an H4 so at last can devote my time to my kids and hopefully the weekends can be spent doing "family things" as all the housework will be done. So from my point of view, yes I think for my family, at this time in our lives it could turn out for the better. We didn't take the decision lightly to come here and I know it's going to be tough on my daughter, but it's hard on all of us to start fresh and make new friends and hopefully within time, my daughter will realise this.

Now I'm away from it, I don't miss the hours I worked before and maybe once my other 2 kids are older and finish school, I may go back to that line of work as I've devoted so much of my time and energy to help people who needed my help and thrived on it, but for the minute, I want to devote my time to other people who need me - my family.

Thanks again for all your help.

digbydog

When you make a move to another country you need to factor in the affect of the move on all members of the family moving however old they are. It is all very well getting that power job, big house etc but if your kids situation are not addressed and become an issue then why bother.

We moved last summer with two boys 12 and 13. It was a major drama but you, as a parent, need to step up and get involved in helping the kids integrate ASAP. I was talking to everybody I could meet asking about football teams that the boys could join. What was going on in the town for kids. Spending time with the boys more than normally. Little extra treats - why not!!

Look for something your children have that might be special. My kids while being English speak fluent Spanish as they grew up in Spain. I mentioned to the boys that they could help out their classmates with their Spanish homework - next day the line of kids was going round the building!! All the kids went from C grades to A's overnight!! The Spanish teachers found out and had a kind word with my boys but job done... the boys were established.

I told the boys they could fly back at Christmas or Easter for a week if they wanted to. You know what... initially they wanted to but come Christmas they didn't want to go and same for Easter.

We are all going back for a month in the summer - don't get me wrong NJ is OK but Spain is a lot more fun.....

Lazzza

It's good to know that there are others out there who have had and are having the same issues. I went through a stage of feeling like the worst mother in the world (after of course being told that I was in fact the worst mother in the world by my 16 year old daughter).

MsElui

I agree - BUT strongly feel 3 weeks is not a reasonable amount of time to have made a fair go of it and try to see whats there is to like about it.

did this suddenly happen after she had been somewhere? ie did something happen at school that made her feel vulnerable? If you can get to the root cause of what started this off - you may be able to ease it. She will also be homesick and we all have to get over that in our own way. Try and find something she wants to do that she cannot do back home (because its not local or available or not in the UK etc) so she can start to see some advantages of being here. like sailing or skiing or cheerleading or scrapbooking or whatever she is interested in and couldnt easily do in the uk.

Sally Redux

We're supposed to be making her feel better

Leslie

... hot sex with muscular black guys.

Nutmegger

LOL! I said before, she needs to hit the mall with a bunch of other kids -- that's what usually makes a teenager feel better. Unfortunately, the weather here has been utterly miserable for the last week -- not a good introduction to a new life for anyone. If the sun would just come out and the rain would stop it might help just a little . . .

Brat1

At least you lot have gave me a giggle this morning. And yes, it was after a barbecue at the neighbours where she was convinced that a girl there was giving her the evil eye, but she says she's felt like this since we've came.

Mummy in the foothills

Shame, they were probably hoping she's smile and say Hi so they could be the cool kid at school with the Brit friend.
I think I agree with once the sun comes back out and you can get out and do stuff it'll look better.

Sally Redux

Worked for me.

Elvira

r u willmore in disguise?

Leslie

A much more enjoyable American hobby than scrapbooking or cheerleading.

Allegedly.

The Horticulturalist

I'd concur with the others on here who have suggested that;
1) 6 weeks is not usually long enough to make an informed opinion about whether she can be happy in her new surroundings.

2) Not to dismiss what she feels, but you ARE the parent and she's being unreasonable, you've just moved away from all that's familiar aswell, she's not the only one adjusting. Could you talk to her about that aspect of it? I'd allow her to go back when she's old enough to go to University but probably not before that.

3) Work on the positive reinforcement thingy, you know if she makes an effort to get to know people, does well at school you'll support her going to Uni in the UK. If she's surly and thinks people don't want to talk to her then that may well become a self fulfilling thing if other teens think she's unapproachable and not easy to talk to.

What about after school things, sports and clubs and things? That might help.