LondonJock

Greetings, annifree.

I'm living over the other side of the US near the North Carolina coast. I've been here over 10 years and I've gone back to the UK at least twice a year since I've been here so I'm not by any means out of touch. I'm also - thanks to a very affordable VOIP phone service - in regular contact with friends and family in the UK and other parts of Europe.

The upside: I like my job, which is more than I could say the last 15 years I lived in London. I don't LOVE it, but I like it well enough. Like you, I'm a freelance by temperament but I've managed to stay employed by a small company that allows me to do the job my way. (Compare this to some of the horror stories you hear about big corporations). Also, the mountains, the scenery, the beach, the fact you can get a decent meal without breaking the bank, even - with reservations - the climate.

The downside: Right now I would give just about anything to be sitting in a nice country pub sipping a pint of "warm" (i.e. cellar temperature) beer, eating a really nice Cheddar Ploughman's and having an interesting, amusing conversation with a few people who really understand how to use the English language. It's the subtler things I miss, the sense of fairness, the countryside and especially the humour (humor).

I'm not under any illusions about the old home country. I watch it like a hawk and I certainly wouldn't want to go back there if I had to live in a poky little maisonette, but at the same time I dread retiring in the US. Right now, I wouldn't go back there even if I could afford to. I'd let the dust settle for a while if I were you. The hardest thing for me in the US, bar none, is finding kindred spirits.

Hope this is useful in some way.

annifree

Yes, yes, yes on kindred spirits. Even the replies I've been getting on this website feel more connected to what I'm going through than the people I socialize with around here. I suppose that's a fairly obvious case seeing as we're all expats, with lingering emotional ties to our homeland.

Letting the dust settle is fine advise, but I've been doing that on and off practically since I first landed here. I arrived, fell in love, married my husband (got legal), then opened a business the same year as he passed away in '99. I should have just shut down and left then, but we'd put so much into opening the business that I stayed, and got caught up again in life here though my work. There have been several other instances when the time to leave felt right, but for some reason or another I lingered on (I think I felt that somehow I'd be leaving him behind too). San Diego is beautiful. The weather is nearly perfect (doesn't rain enough!) and I make the most of it by doing a lot out doors activities that wouldn't translate back in England. But still...

I also don't see growing old here. And honestly, if I could do it all again, I would not have stayed away for so long. I would have gone back when I was younger and better able to rebuild a life back there.

But here I am.

I think my best bet right now is to do a better job of finding more Brits to connect with in San Diego, and working and saving and perhaps investing somehow for my future. Not sure how in this economic climate though!

It's interesting that you mentioned talking with people who know how to use our language. Recently - the last year or so, I've been finding solace in writing, poetry mainly. It helps.

Thank you London Jock.

annifree

Come on, we Brits are great at doom and gloom - have you never listened to Radiohead?

But seriously, I didn't mean to offend, and appreciate your words on Medicare. Having no other relatives here to ask about it I'm not really clear on what Medicare offers and should research it more on line, perhaps doing so will help quell some of my fears. Hopefully it will still exist when I get old enough to need it - I'm sure I will appreciate it then.

coastieexpat

You expressed my feelings exactly !

coastieexpat

Take a gander at this site.

http://www.meetup.com/brit-213/

San Diego Brit expat's ... I joined up with the San Francisco group , but that's about a 3 hour drive from my place. They are big on the world cup right now, perhaps a chance to meet up with a few kindred spirits.

Or at least drink a few !

Kaffy Mintcake

Your first comment made me laugh out loud ... I do forget.

My parents have been fairly pleased with Medicare, though they don't have prescriptions that push them into the doughnut hole (a period of time when seniors have exceeded a certain amount and have to pay on their own until Medicare kicks in again). I still think some sort of catastrophic coverage in addition to Medicare is a good idea.

I hope it will still exist too, otherwise I'm screwed as I can't move to the UK. Hmmm ... unless I work on a plan right now ...

Steerpike

Simplistically, I've always felt the work opportunities and work environment are much better in the US (in my field - high tech), while the 'conditions for retirement' are much better in the UK. The trouble is, you can't just spend your working life here and then pop on a plane and go back for retirement.

The 'kindred spirits' thing is all well and good, but - after a considerable time here, are you really up for a life back in UK? What always hits me, after a few days of being in UK, is the moaning, the 'doom and gloom', the lack of optimism. Couple that with endless gray skies, a sense of 'struggle' in everything you try to do (eg, parking in any small town worth visiting!) and I am always counting the days to my return to the US. But that's why I asked if you've been back there, and you have - so you are presumably fully aware of that (and your reaction may be very different to mine).

My biggest problem is I've never made the effort to develop friendships here. I have always put 110% into work, with little time or energy left for friendships. This has never bothered me - I get all the 'social satisfaction' I need from work colleagues, and romantic partners ... but some day, when I retire, this is going to burn me big time ...

LondonJock

Don't mean to add to the gloom and doom but I read something in the UK papers this morning about country pubs closing at the rate of 40 a month.

I'm not a particularly big boozer and I'm not even a country lad - I'm from the Surrey suburbs - but I find this really sad. The country pub is part of the English way of life. If you're a townie, it's an escape to a time and place we all dream of, real or not. If you live there, it's a place where everyone gets together whether they drive a tractor or live in the big 'ouse. That's the whole point! It's a PUBLIC house, not a private one. We're all human beings, aren't we?

I could go on ........

sallysimmons

I'm currently fighting my health insurance company, to whom we pay $1,200 per month, to get a CT scan on a suspicious lump. So I'm feeling pretty doom and gloomy myself.

I do sympathize, coastieexpat. I have also become homesick lately but my husband (also British) doesn't feel the same way. Like you, I worry about the future and not having saved enough for any kind of retirement (presuming I make it that far of course, which will be no thanks to United Healthcare!) I think Medicare is pretty good, but I'm 20 years away from that and worry that I won't be able to hang on to my insurance that long. The cost of living here is just insane - everyone finds a way to make money off everything in this country - and so no matter how hard you work, it doesn't seem possible to really save. Plus, I miss family and friends. Plus I hate 90 degree heat with humidity.

OTOH, I know that if I went home, there would be lots that would bother me and lots that I would miss. I feel stuck between the two.

Not much help I know, other than saying 'you're not alone.'

LondonJock

You're not wrong, Steerpike, about the moaning, the constant harping on the negative side of things, but you have to admit - push comes to shove - that Brits are more down-to-earth than our Transatlantic cousins. I love all the good things about America but I'd give my right arm for a few hours of conversation with someone who isn't on Cloud Nine.

Sally Redux

Steerpike

GOOD LUCK with that one! My G/F had a CT scan recently, and she's with United Healthcare. But she is also a 'survivor', having had breast cancer 5 years ago; it seems once you are 'high risk' the doors open to unlimited attention (I honestly cannot believe how much attention she gets - she's even starting to get a bit pissed off at the number of tests they are doing on her ...).

In your case, I presume the trick is to get 2nd opinions, and if the 2nd opinions also recommend a scan, then you should be ok? Is your primary doctor fully on your side? Our experience has been that the doctors can work the system for you - but you must get them on your side first. Good Luck!

Steerpike

That's what BE is for and skype, and vonage, etc ...

Simplistically (and this is where the discussion gets tricky, and opinions start to fly ...), I'd rather talk to people who are on Cloud Nine. Everyone's experiences are different, but mine are such that, quite simply, life has been good so far. I do worry about the future (as mentioned in this thread), but - I have confidence that 'things will turn out well'. I'm sure that confidence is somewhat inspired/influenced by the attitudes of those around me, who by-and-large tend to think that way also.

When I talk to my brother (lives in UK), I feel he is 'paralyzed' by suspicion and fear. Just the other day, we were talking about retirement ... he talked to someone at a bank about what to do with his money (he doesn't have much). All he could talk about was that they were getting commission, and thus, not putting his interests first. Now, of course, that could be true. But - they do need to maintain a reputation, it IS in their interest to see him succeed, and they must get reimbursed for their time otherwise they would not be there to talk to him ... etc - but that line of discussion was totally ignored - he was obsessed with the potential for rip off.

I've become quite fascinated by the concepts of optimism and pessimism, and how it affects one's life. My g/f getting diagnosed with cancer 5 years ago really brought it home ... how to deal with the reality ... it's all too detailed for this thread, but the upshot is, I find very little reason to dwell on the negative.

annifree

Steerpike,

I agree with you on staying optimistic and not pessimistic, but one should also be realistic and proactive. Good things can and do 'just happen', but more often than not we set up the groundwork for the positives to occur in our life. I for one am starting to realize that I have to start being more proactive so that my future old lady self doesn't inadvertently find herself up sh*t creek without her proverbial paddle. I've been in avoidance and denial of this so far in my life (I'm sure I'm not alone), both attitudes that were probably exacerbated by the fact that I was raised in a culture that gave us the impression that we could fall back on the welfare state should the need arise. Unlike our adopted culture where it's certainly more of an every man for himself credo.

Anyway - now I have to pay for my earlier lackadaisical attitude towards retirement. I can't just work until I drop (though I'll give it my best shot), at some point I will need support, both financially and through my local community. Both of these needs so far seem like they would be best met in my home country (which has never stopped being "home" to me).

Life seems to get more complex the more I mature. Should I stay or should I go? Is it better here or there? Are the fish and chips really worth it? Or would I rather be surrounded by perpetually smiley happy people? Time to put the kettle on.

LondonJock

Steerpike, you're certainly right that everyone's experiences are different, but so are people's perceptions.

To me, if there's anywhere in the world that runs on suspicion and fear, this is it. On the one hand, people feel - quite rightly, IMO - that they should be rewarded for their efforts but on the other they seem to waste an awful lot of mental energy worrying about some dark, external force (communism, terrorism, socialism) that is coming to take all their toys away.