Sally Redux

Slight exaggeration, surely?
I know you need permits and have to get an inspector to come and look at the work. It seems to be easier to tear down and rebuild though. A big, dominating house has gone up near us, I wouldn't be too happy if I were the one overshadowed by it.

Steerpike

I've always been fascinated by the juxtaposition of "Silicon Valley" and San Francisco. The latter is a fairly busy, densely populated, fast paced (for west coast, anyway!), liberal city complete with regular demonstrations (anti-war, anti-immigration reform, etc), crazy weekend events (Bay-to-Breakers, etc), and a half-way decent public transit system. I lived in the middle of it for 12 years. "Silicon Valley", by comparison - only 30 miles to the south - is spread out, low density, laid back, car-centric - in many ways, much more like 'middle America'. I've worked in Silicon Valley for over 20 years.

But SV can be surprising in its own way ... it has a much larger population (several million compared to SF's ~750,000). Salaries (for IT folks, at least) are higher in SV than in SF (not by much, and both are very high by national standards). And even though SV is not as liberal as SF, it's still pretty liberal by US standards (solid Democrat territory). And SV is where the real 'startup' engines reside. You have all the VC firms in Menlo Park and Palo Alto, and just about every successful startup exists in that general vicinity (recent: Google, Yahoo, You Tube, E-Bay, PayPal, Facebook, LinkedIn ...; older: Apple, HP, Intel, 3-Com, Cisco, Oracle, AMD, National Semiconductor ...). I would hazard a guess that the 'whatever' attitude you are experiencing has something to do with it ... I think it's 'whatever' when it comes to socializing, but total geek/nerd/workaholic when it comes to work.

Since SF is too far for you, have you considered Palo Alto as a place to live? It's by no means SF, but it DOES have a great pedestrian-oriented (meaning - people out of their cars, not car-free) downtown, a healthy college presence (Stanford), and a great restaurant scene. I would also consider San Jose ... it is very fashionable to 'bash' San Jose, especially if you are an SF resident, but in truth, San Jose does have its pockets of 'culture', with some clusters of pedestrian traffic. I really dislike Santa Clara and Sunnyvale ... if you are living in those cities you are really asking for a bad impression!

Steerpike

It varies wildly (surprise, surprise!). In places like Texas (*), they have no 'zoning' ('cos that would be infringing on your 'rights') and you can build a strip joint next to a church, and throw up billboards left, right and center. San Francisco has some degree of control to help retain 'character'; not sure how successful they are. I'm currently living in a 'second home' in Scottsdale, AZ - an affluent city where it seems you cannot fart without a city permit ... every house in town is beige, and the gas stations can't put up signs with their pricing, you can't park a car in your own driveway, etc etc.

So like many other things here in the US of A, there is a huge variation and that's how the locals like it!

(*) Texas and zoning ... to be fair to Texas, some cities have zoning. But from what I read, Houston does not. Read this city-data thread for a general impression ... "Houston, I think, is the largest city in the US that does not have zoning. Results in some very strange neighbors, that is for sure ... "

Jerseygirl

You seem to have very strange ideas about the UK. Have you heard of HOAs here in the US?

Houses are built quickly because they are mostly made of wood...which is much quicker to assemble than 2 courses of bricks and mortar.

dlake02

Well, we're in an HOA, and the rules seem pretty strict but fair, and we were in a conservation area in the UK where nothing on the house could be changed unless it met the standard (and yes, that did include the colour of external paintwork). So, we got here to a very well-controlled, managed development with rules on hanging out washing (not allowed) and 24 hours to get your rubbish bins hidden after collection, and a very nice, ordered feel to the place.

Less than 1/2 mile away, outside the HOA, they pulled down a house just after we got here, and already a new one is going up, timber-framed, not a bit like any of the others, which themselves are pretty random.

Indeed there is...... and this forum is already helping me to realise that !

SF is just too far to commute, but it's interesting that you mention Palo Alto, because that is where we've been spending our time more and more recently. We are starting to really like it there. San Jose isn't quite our style - we like the new-build feel of where we are in Santa Clara, but the people round us are really starting to get on our nerves. Most of what we now do (and thanks to this forum we are doing more and trying a lot harder) involves Palo Alto, Campbell or Saratoga, and the contrast between those and Santa Clara is stark. I thought us English could be aloof, but people in this part of Santa Clara take that to a new level (absolutely NOT in Palo Alto, Campbell, Saratoga - very friendly, been welcomed in). I'm starting to think that Santa Clara is not actually part of the US at all....

Jerseygirl

Ah you lived in a conservation area...you failed to mention that...

Bluegrass Lass

As a born and bred USC, let me tell you that I will never live in an HOA that is so restrictive that I can't put my washing out or they measure the length of your grass to make sure you conform. And if I want plastic pink flamingos in my yard, that's my prerogative.

md95065

I don't have pink flamingos in my yard, but I do have them at work ...


googleplex t-rex attacks pink flamingos by t3mplar, on Flickr

Mummy in the foothills

You've been flocked

Steerpike

Haphazard architecture is one of my pet peeves here; I used to live in the 'Sunset' and then the 'Richmond' districts of SF. They have street after street of beautiful Spanish/Mediterranean style homes (nicely set back from the sidewalk), but slowly they were being replaced by ugly apartment buildings that were built right up to the sidewalk. They finally implemented some rules to prevent this, but the damage has been done.

Not sure why Santa Clara would come across the way you describe - it's not like the people there are more educated, or more affluent, than the people in Palo Alto or Saratoga/Campbell - those are just about the most expensive spots in town. I regret, now, not buying in Palo Alto back in the 80s. I was hell-bent on being in SF, but now I find PA to be perhaps the most desirable spot in the US - but way out of my price range.

dlake02

Culture/background of the people in the newly redeveloped parts of Santa Clara is very different. Place is like a ghost town this weekend as most of them have gone back to their home countries for the summer.

Holiday Camp that my son was going to go on next week has been canceled due to lack of numbers - we asked why, and just told that "no demand in this area - no one here in the summer." Very odd when we are within 1/2 mile of a 900 child K-8 and 2 miles of three other K-5 and 6-8 that also aren't small.

(We have found some others further south - mostly in Saratoga. He's got a mix of Lego, Basketball, Soccer, Mulit-games and Swimming. Plus we've bought the Great America passes and he gets three weeks in the UK with grandparents. Wish I was 9 again... !)

Giantaxe

Indeed. I have a friend whose parents did this. All they had to do was "prove" that the existing house was expensive to maintain and viola they could demolish and build an ugly '60's apartment box in its place. Such a shame.

Bomjeito

I've watched this thread with interest.

I'm American, and my husband is Scottish.

We moved to Houston a year ago. I'm from upstate NY but lived the past 7 years in Las Vegas. So I know hot, but Houston is unbearable for us, because we love nature and being outside.

We've been very low too. I've lived around New England and know SoCal and the SW very well. I also have family in Dallas and Fort Worth (who won't visit us in Houston - they say its too hot until autumn.) So I knew climate-wise, we'd most likely dislike Houston's climate.

We miss Scotland. We miss the green, even the rain. We miss the quieter pace of life. We miss chatty neighbors and a ramble in the glens.

There are a lot of things we have here that we didn't have in Scotland. Great restaurants. Cheaper housing (but we miss our granite home.) Better medical care (for those who can afford it, of course.) And trajectory bounces for my husband due to his North Sea design experience.

Texas is a friendly state, except Houston. (Please, folks, not a rant on me about is Houston shit or not.) I've been all over Texas for my whole life, and Houston is not friendly. Everything moves too fast and the traffic is killer. We've tried to make friends. Activities that are only 10 miles away takes 30 minutes to get too. Crossing Houston takes a long time. Traffic, asphalt, heat - this is the lifestyle we are not accustomed and do not want to become accustomed.

I have lived in some wonderful places in the US. (To the OP, your area is one on our exploration lists and I always quite liked it! So go find the area YOU like!)

So to the OP - get your strategy to MOVE. If you hate the area, then move. We are setting our goals to move to New England, back to the mountains and LIFESTYLE that we love.

And I'll also admit that in our mix of where to move, is back to Scotland. I'd move back in a heartbeat. But my husband is more logical about it, making sure we finish a lot of practical things like his dual citizenship, ensuring he's here long enough to be a part of my Medicare if we are living here in our old age, and making his mark on the oil/gas business here in Houston. He prefers the US medical system to NHS, and the fact he has more money in his pocket after taxes. We can always go back, but not now.

I had warned my husband that Americans are different. (Now don't please turn this into a rant against me, personally, but these are my opinions.) Americans collect stuff, not friends. They collect bit houses and lots of clothes. They care alot about how they look, not how they feel. (Hence the SNL spoof from the 80s.)

Humor IS different. I'd never have survived it in UK without my husband and his mate's help. And they'd have never survived MINE without my husband's tempering of it!

It is a rare one that prefers a scramble in the woods, and they are all in the mountains, so that is where we shall go too.

To the OP - the idea is to find a FIT for you and your family. We've been taking trips to areas of the US that I feel my husband and I would be fine to live. When we left New Hampshire, my husband was really down for weeks.

You have loads of vacation, obviously. I realize family is important, but isn't your own family important? Take recon trips around to where you'd like to have a life. Get to know the USA. Each vacation day we have my husband wants only trips in the USA. We've not been back to the UK in this first year, and I doubt we'll plan one for next year either. Planes go both ways, you see....

Mindset is a strong factor. If you've decided you hate it here, you will. But sounds like you weren't too happy with your life in UK either. (We lived in a conservation zone as well, and appreciated that, as we got a great house sale price!) So...as a few people started to broach - maybe look at you and how you react to your life here.

I'll admit that I've had a terrible attitude about Houston. I'm grumpy because I know how nice other parts of the USA are. I just now try to be grateful for all we have here, and how we can explore more parts of Texas and know we'll move someday for a better lifestyle for us.

My father made the American dream work for his family. He educated all this children and made a good living as a small businessman. I worked years in refugee relief in the Balkans and Sudan, and have the pleasure of knowing so many that were accepted to the USA. They come with the clothes on their backs and are grateful to be here. They build businesses, buy distressed homes, build their life and are good neighbors. They smile.

The other day I was talking with our lawn service. The 'old man' is a weathered Mexican from Merida. He speaks little English. His son is a Houstonite through and through. He doesn't work hard and likes to manage, and his dad is always on his case. I admire that old man. He came to the USA (legally) 15 years ago, and build a great business and is the kindest, friendliest person that I've met in Houston. I feel odd when we want to go back to the UK, and so many people are just so grateful to be HERE. We now are more interested to move within the USA than go back to the UK.

So take from the US what you need and give back what you can. I think that is all any place can ask.

Your post said that you felt 'underwhelmed' with the US. Maybe your initial expectations were off. Too much US TV? Want to feel overwhelmed? Go to Vegas. See the plastic people vomit then you'll love your part of California. USA isn't all DisneyWorld, fake boobs and beautiful LA people. Its about average folk living and working. Just like in the UK, the effort is purely personal. And my going to Scotland wasn't easy - I was underwhelmed too. I'd never met such grim and grey! People and buildings! But once I became part of the COMMUNITY (volunteering, Rotary) and made acquaintances, I knew exactly how to navigate the gruffness and even help them poke fun at themselves. A few pints in the local pub DO go a long way. Here in the States, its more like the social clubs with the kids, or activity based clubs (you'll find them on meetup.com, for example.)

And feelings always pass. When you wrote this first post, do you feel the same?

AmerLisa

Great post!

Oregon4now

One of the most honest post I have ever had the pleasure of reading, Thank you for sharing such words of wisdom.