Sally Redux

However, if he has some good ideas about the cubs, why is it that they can never be taken on board? This interests me about the US and some of the attitudes displayed on this forum.

N1cky

The ideas may be well received, saying to people that they need to plan ahead and be more organized though will not change them. You and me both know what it's like trying to make people in CA plan anything.

Sally Redux

That's true

Mummy in the foothills

I had some good ideas at first too, they get all excited about them and seem on board then just blow it off and go back to business as usual. You really can't change them, they like the way it is and you either go with the flow of really make yourself miserable.
I haven't been invited to a 4th of July, memorial day, labor day party in the 17 years we have lived here, yet I have good friends I see weekly, Yet if I try to throw a party for those days, they will all be gung ho and cancel last minute to go to family BBQ's or whatever, (and yes we tried it) So I make plans for my own family and if anyone is about they are welcome to come, rarely does anyone bother.
It has made our little family a lot closer, even as a college student Ds vacationed with us, and he wanted to, he was given the choice and chose us.

dlake02

I put my experience with Cubs forward as an example, not as the only issue.

Comittment, long-term planning, being able to think about external viewpoints, taking criticism and retorting with measured arguments rather than just knee-jerk "that's how it is" or "everything here is just great" are problems I am dealing with on a daily basis at work.

In private, as with my Cubs example, I find that people are all too willing to open up, tell me that things need to change, that these are serious, industry-threatening issues.

In public - nothing. Revert to type, "Life is good," "everything is fine.". The result is as much (if not more) moaning behind the scene as in the UK, but little-to-no interest in fixing them.

Admitting the problem is half-way to solving it. I just don't get it......

dlake02

Blimey - this is all getting a bit depressing.....

When we were in FR, we hardly had a day free. We were regularly invited for dinner, feted as the interesting foreign people, went to weddings of people we barely knew, apperitifs most weekends with or for someone. They welcomed us in from day 1.

And we'd put the French down as cold and stand-offish. They're not - they're just quiet and shy until you get to know them.

We were hoping that by now we'd be on drinks-and-chats terms with a few people locally, and might get to experience 4th July celebrations with the real Americans - it would be wonderful. We've had nothing, so aswe booked to go to Vegas that weekend as again, we don't want to run the risk of sitting on our own. It's just not happening for us at the moment - it's such an insular society, and just not what we were expecting !

N1cky

You aren't a novelty here, very few people in Silicon Valley are from here originally, and there are hundreds of ex-pats from various countries.

Maybe just accept you can't make it happen you can't force people to be your friend, do what YOU want to do and not wait for other people to invite you. Join some British groups or whatever group you are interested in, there are loads on Meet Up, who will be on the same wave length.

Most of the friends I have here are English mainly because when you meet them you have something in common, we arrange most things last minute because thats what our lives have become like, we've changed to fit in with the environment.

Giantaxe

They probably don't want to risk listening to you complaining about the girl scouts all day long

N1cky

Here are some things that you could go along to in the area where you might meet some people with common interests.

http://www.meetup.com/Couples-and-kids/
http://www.meetup.com/EarthsKids/
http://www.openspace.org/activities/...actFilter=Kids
http://www.rei.com/stores/104

Bluegrass Lass

Hmmm, I guess I don't know how far in advance you prefer people to set up plans? I see nothing wrong with a 1-2 week notice. I mean, really, you are that booked up that you can't fit something in with a 2 week notice? Now, I understand the frustration with the camping outing, as that is something that does appear to take some decent advanced planning (esp for a large number of kids), but a simple meeting or dinner shouldn't need notice that far in advance. But that's just my humble opinion. I mean, do you honestly think people are planning July 4th picnics right now - a month in advance? Or thinking about who to invite to a Thanksgiving dinner? Please tell me you aren't too serious about that!

dlake02

We've usually started with the fixed dates (summer holiday much shorter than here so a bit of a cram, Easter, Christmas, family birthdays other school holidays such as the week-off in October which you don't have here) and then fit other things round. Then we think about where we want to go in the year, work out a budget for it, make sure that they don't clash with other commitments, agonise about whether we're favouring one side of the family over another, who we stayed with last time, etc....

Typically, that has left us planning meetings about 2-3 months in advance, especially when you factor in business trips that eat into weekends.

Giantaxe

So just because you have that pattern, why do you seemingly presume that others would want to do so? I have to say the overall vibe your posts give off is an "it's my way or the highway" kind of deal.

tonrob

Blimey - there I am buggering about in other dull threads about guns or whatever when all along there was a real barney brewing over here. Who's winning?

dlake02

Not supposed to. I'm interested in how others cope, balance their commitments to distant families, holidays, etc, etc.

Our experience here is that you don't have to plan as far in advance here as there is so much more availability of things (try booking a hotel in the UK anywhere less than about 2 months and you'll know what I mean), but as this is an ex-pat forum, how do others here balance things ? We all know that international flights have to be booked months in advance for the summer. I tried to book a hire car in one town in the UK for July last week and was told by two rental agencies that they'd been sold out for months. Ended up back at Hertz paying full-whack.

To be honest, not to have to plan to the n-th degree 3 months in advance for everything would be lovely, but if you did that in Europe, you'd been seriously out-of-pocket if there was anything left to do at all.......

md95065

It's exactly the same with Californians except they are brash and superficial until you get to know them ...