EnglishJon

Hi all. Just looking for some opinions.

I've been living in NYC now for 4 years, and have a Greencard. Its been tough at work - ultra competitive, people I work with constantly just trying to cover their asses, some long hrs - but I'm doing ok, I own a (small!) place in downtown Manhattan, dating going well etc.

I'm getting fed up of living in a tiny apartment, through rough winters and rougher summers (so hot) to live for the weekends. Also I can't say I've connected with Americans really. On the whole the ones I meet just seem to lack.. depth? I'm not a deeeeep guy but their humour is very surface and sometimes I find myself thinking 'is this it?'. And so many are pro-guns its sort of hard for me to get past it.

I actually seem to get on very well with any non-American instantly. Probably the shared experiences of visas and the fact they've travelled around. When I get chatting to a Brit or another European its almost a relief to be able to chat about nothing - jokes, crap, being sarcastic etc.

Recently I've been working in Stockholm on an assignment for about 4 months in total, and I love the city, the people (great ironic humour- finally!), the food, the women are gorgeous (no luck for me as I'm a hunchback compared to the men here!), the style and way of living. My company said they'd love to have me there permanently. So the offer is there. I could live in a big apartment, with a studio (I paint as a hobby) and live a good life.

On the negative side, most of people my age (late 30s) in Sweden are married with children. In NYC its a non-stop dating party! Dating there can actually get too busy - it's insane. I'm not adverse to marrying, but I don't think I want children so a vibrant dating scene is important to me.

I've also been thinking of moving to LA (I know - its America too!) - for the lifestyle really. I'd have a bigger apartment, 70s every day, I'm hoping the dating scene would be as good. Leave work at 5pm, lovely scenery.

At other times I think I should rent out my NYC place and travel around south America / Asia for a year or so.

Sorry - what a ramble. Maybe I just need a holiday! Or maybe I need to connect with more europeans in NYC?

Opinions welcome!
Thanks

Gillymonkey

If you don't like NYC I seriously doubt you will like LA. Have you ever tried driving there?

Sally Redux

Agreed. I'd go to Stockholm.

Pulaski

I'm certain you don't want to read my rambling thoughts on everything you said, so suffice to say, I would never considered moving to LA for the "lovely scenery." .... LA probably wouldn't make my top 30 of places in the US to move to for the scenery.

Noorah101

If you are considering leaving the USA for an extended time, make sure you take the appropriate steps so you don't abandon your US PR status (if you have it in mind to come back to live in the USA in the future). If you think you'll be gone more than 6 months, get a re-entry permit before you leave the USA, and keep strong ties going to the USA.

Also be aware that as a US PR, you must file a US tax return every year, no matter where in the world you live, and must report worldwide income.

Rene

scrubbedexpat027

Your life sounds pretty much like mine except I'm in LA!

Maybe we should swap. Seriously though, some people just get bored after a while, me included. I do love living in the US, I just feel that I want to experience more of it sometimes.

Bob

I don't think you'll find what you're after in LA, from reading what other people post of living there, wouldn't be much different, apart from the lack of naff cold winters.

How long have you had the greencard? If you're eligible for citizenship, should definitely get that before leaving or as Rene, said above, head back to the US before you're out for 6 months and get a re-entry permit. If the company is temporarily transferring you out of the US, you should probably be okay getting back into the US, but you might find you've reset the clock for citizenship.

BHAFC14

I've been in NYC for 4 years and just cannot imagine living anywhere else. Just my 2¢ worth

Poppy girl

I have been to NY and could not wait to leave but I don't like large cities where everything is clustered together, LA is not my cup of tea there are decent parts, but that’s more the outta areas ie Calabasas (not in my price bracket lol)......I live in a beautiful part of the country Grass Valley CA BUT we are moving, because as you, we are bored and need a change, and just signed a 1 year lease for a place in Reno NV while we look for a house to buy, and no it is not a suffocating place very open, and you are in remote and country areas within minutes with spectacular views of the mountains.

Why not look for more of an active fun city but not so busy and go go go Seattle maybe for your age group just a thought!

goldenstate31

This is just in my opinion! But if you move from the East Coast to the West Coast I think your'll be disappointed in the people here. I personally find the people on the East Coast far more approachable, less stiff, friendlier and more down to earth than the people on the West Coast. But then perhaps Im speaking from an 'OC' point of view and shouldnt be so generalised. You are right about the Getting on better with non -americans, but I just put that down to our American/English differences.

penguinsix

I read your post and the key takeaway for me was "late 30s".

No one likes to admit it, but when you get over a certain point (usually in your 30s) there is a bit of a retrenchment when it comes to making new friends. "Life" seems to get in the way of many, and as you noted some things like families start to take up more time for many people rather than the "dating scene" which is basically over for many at this age group.

This is a New York Times article on this very point that you might want to take a look at:

Friends of a Certain Age: Why is it hard to make friends over 30:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fa...pagewanted=all

You may also just be in the "wrong crowd" for a deep and meaningful friendship to develop. The dating scene (and I gather the club / bar scene) may not be the best environment to develop a close and deep friendship, and your own admission that you have an interest in traveling to Asia or Europe or whatever might strike some of the folks that you are only a temporary friend--someone who is going to leave soon and not worth the effort of getting to know (not sure if you have expressed those sentiments to them). For example, here in the expat community in Hong Kong, many of the long-term expats tend to shy away a bit from the newcomers who will be here for a few years and gone, instead keeping with those they know will be around for the next few decades. "You spend all this energy becoming close to someone and their families and then poof, they are called back to the home office--it's rough" told me one old timer here.

I would second the comments about LA though--that's the last place I'd go if you are seeking something a bit more solid. I should also note that what you are experiencing is the same thing Americans report in the UK. People are shallow, they don't have depth or a hearty sense of a humor. The American Expats in the UK messageboard has a whole homesickness board that is filled with complaints like this. Goes a bit with a new culture and environment and being of that age.

If you do leave, please note that your green card is "permanent residency" in the USA only while you are actually "resident" in the USA. After six months / year it may be considered abandoned, so if you are planning to return later you'll need to look into the necessary procedures to keep it active.

Good luck with your decision.