snowbunny

She could join a commune, then move back home with kid(s) for you to support.

Jerseygirl

Can't see that somehow, but like I said never say never.

jjmb

is there anyone in the UK or Europe where your daughter can stay for a few months until she finds her feet?

I have resisted replying to this thread so far as my Son went through a very similar experience but fortunately he was 15 at the time, so still within our parental control. Unfortunately, he got involved with a very bad crowd and the drugs that came with it. If he had be charged with a felony he would have be deported immediately with no chance of us seeing him before he taken in handcuffs to the airport. We were told by a lawyer, even if he was a naturalized citizen, he could be deported. Its not up to the judge but home land security.

He was fortunate he was deemed a deliquent, your daughter would be judged as an adult and if it was a felony of moral turpitude, (ie drugs) she would be deported with no hope of ever returning to the US.

My son, despite his brush with the law, was definitely going down the same road a few months later. We didn't want to leave to chance he would get into trouble over here. So we decided that in his best interest to move him back to the Europe for a while. He stayed with my parents for 8 months and since he has been back, he is a completely changed and for the most part, mature young man.

I hope things improve for you and your husband but you really need to deal with this now before it gets worse. I not sure I would get the police involved, it would depend on what she is planning. In the UK, it might act as a deterrent but here, she might just end up in jail.

Just Jenney

Mozoo, I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are experiencing with your daughter. We were all teenagers once so I think most of us can relate to her "teenage angst" and all of that. I personally never got involved in any criminal activity, but that's because I coped with my teenage struggles -- depression, feeling isolated, etc. -- by writing poetry. Other kids delve into sports or music, while others delve into criminal activities and drugs. It doesn't mean they're bad people -- they're just choosing the wrong means of coping with their problems. Perhaps this is the case with your daughter.

But what we all have which your daughter isn't old enough to have yet is 20/20 hindsight. Your daughter doesn't realize it now, but becoming a dual US/UK citizen means she'll have more opportunities at her disposal. She could live in the States OR in the UK -- legally, without having to deal with immigration -- a luxury many people can only dream about.

For instance: If your daughter is completely intent on being independent and doing her own thing, wouldn't she rather have the option of living in two countries rather than just one? What if she returns to the UK and decides she'd rather be back in the US? Oops... she'll have to start all over again. But if she gives it another year or so, she'll have dual citizenship and then have the flexibility to be in either country AND have access to opportunities (university, employment) in both countries.

If she were being smart instead of being immaturely impatient, she'd realize what a wonderful gift dual citizenship is to have, and all she'd have to do is grit her teeth for another year to get it.

On the flip side, though, if she keeps things up she'll not only get the US citizenship option taken away from her, but she might end up being deported and not only being away from her family (you) but also her friends. She's lived in the US since she was 10, that's nearly half her life already -- that will be hard to say goodbye to.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm not advocating your daughter emancipating herself from you, or severing her ties with you. Absolutely not. It's just that teenagers often don't have the foresight to know what's good for them in the long run, and adults have to bring it to their attention in such a way that the teenager will understand the gravity of the issue.

Your daughter obviously doesn't realize the huge opportunities involved in having dual citizenship, or she wouldn't be doing stuff that could jeopardize it. Also, if she thinks of how her current behavior and choices could mean she might never see her friends again (for some reason many teenagers consider their friendships more cherished than family ties), she might rethink what's she's doing. She needs to get in the mindset of, "Hey, if I have US/UK dual citizenship, I can live all over the place, go to school in whichever country I want, and all I have to do is show my passport -- how cool would THAT be!?"

In other words, perhaps if she realized how many advantages she would have by having dual citizenship, she would get her act together in order to obtain it. Only the "advantages" and "disadvantages" have to be explained in terms that make sense to HER.

Hope that makes sense.

~ Jenney

mozoo

Thank you, jjmb, for sharing what you have gone through. We are in somewhat of the exact same situation you have described. It makes us relieved to know that you eventually managed to get through the mess. It gives us hope. We appreciate you taking the time to do that for us.

Unfortunately, we are unable to call upon the resources of family back in the UK. Parents are elderly (in their 80s), with dad being in hospital, and mum fretting about him. My sister has problems with her own teenage daughter; and so it goes on.

However, there has to be light at the end of the tunnel at some time - and that is what we are reaching for. Again, thanks so much for giving us hope!

mozoo

Jenney - thank you so much for all your comments. We hope you don't mind but we're going to print out your reply on paper and give it to daughter so that she can see for herself what we're trying to get across to her. Don't worry - we won't be including your details for her to access. The way you have worded your reply is brilliant - and she will know that we don't use the same wording/terminology/phrasing as you have. It's another perspective for her.

mozoo

I almost resorted to that but thought better of it

Little update here - I researched the valid pertinent points suggested in many of the responses and dug around quite a bit. Armed with some knowledge, I proceeded to inform my daughter of her options. Some of the stuff I told her about her options were a bit exaggerated but I know for a fact that she is too lazy to research them for herself (plus she doesn't have a lot of access to the internet - when she does, she spends the time updating her blogs, finding information about her favourite music/bands, and other "teenage" themed sites).

I threatened that I would get the law involved and would inform them of what her friends were getting her involved in (some are the age of majority and there are single parents too who treat their kids as friends and thus anything goes). That was a huge wake up call for her. She doesn't want her friends getting into trouble because of her - and she has told them that she needs to be clean, sober, and criminally unminded if she wishes to carry on living in the USA.

Today and tonight have been oh so good for me and hubby. We got to see a somewhat clean/sober daughter with no attitude. How long it will last for is anybody's guess but, as parents, we now have the necessary clout to enforce if the problems persist.

Just Jenney

I don't mind at all, I'm glad if it helps in even the tiniest of ways. For most of us, if someone we're close to points something out or makes suggestions to us, we think we are being criticized -- but if the same exact thing is said to us by a stranger, all of a sudden we are more open to receiving it. If my little post is what can help get through to your daughter, then that's great.

Keep us posted on how it goes, and good luck.

~ Jenney

Ray

I would just like to say my mother beat the crap out of me ..every time I got caned at school .. or was in trouble ... and the worst thing is ..she is 85 now and still does it .....

Bob

not shot back then?

speaking off...over in the next town, some plonker locked his booze in the gun cabinet and kid broke in to get the drink and while drunk exchanged the empty clips in the gun for loaded clips and shot the place up....lovely....

TouristTrap

Whatever you do, don't go anywhere near a $$hrink