Nits22

So... I live next door to my inlaw's, in the house DH grew up in. Things are getting nasty with them - especially with (coughevilcough) step-mother-in-law.
I won't get into details but James and I want to move out.

But it's so hard to find a place within our budget that will also allow pets! =(
being an adult sucks

The good news is that even though I'm going through some rough times when it would really help to be close to my family and friends, and to feel more "at home," my relationship with DH is as strong and loving as ever and I don't regret for a moment having moved to the U.S.
It may help that my mom is visiting me in two weeks, though :$

pretty excited! My first visit from overseas!

So, I've been here for 9 months now and I'm already working and making friends and starting a very nice life together with my husband (in-law's not withstanding).

I'm sorry it's seems like I'm just going on about random things... I guess I just wanted to write a post about those first few months after you are through with immigration (for a few years at least) and start your "real life" in a different country, far away from most of the people and things you know and love.

Any stories to share? Someone going through the same thing?

lisa67

sounds like, despite the in-laws, you're feeling really up beat..good for you.
You must be really excited to see your Mum, I know I was excited to show our family around when we first moved over
Keep you eyes on your long term goals regarding housing and with your attitude I'm sure something will come along before you know it.

Mummy in the foothills

I believe I'm closer and better friends with my Dh from being away from my family and from him cutting contact with his. It made us grow up fast and we are so self sufficient from it.
All the nay sayers said it wouldn't last, well to them, we celebrate 24 years at the end of this month.
We occasionally have a panic of no one to fall back on, but we have pulled though and done just fine.
You'll be OK, being the adult can suck sometimes, but there's no one to tell you your ideas and plans are stupid, and you can just go for it.

Sue

There is certainly a period of adjustment during the first year, some do really fine, others find it a bit bumpy. I'd imagine its very difficult when you move over to be with your partner as you not only have to adjust to married life together but also to living in a different country. Takes some getting used to, but it sounds like you are doing really well.

Nits22

Wow, thanks for the nice comments =D

Lisa, thanks for the good vibes. I'm super excited to show my mom around.

mummy, 24 years!!! Congrats!! I do feel a bit identified with what you say. My mom does provide a lot of emotional support, which I think is the most important one, but financially we are on our own... I thought we were lucky when we first got married because his parents seemed to be very happy and supportive but a few months ago they started holding everything they ever gave us against us. And James and I have always been very independent and don't like asking for favors or help so we have cut almost every financial tie we had to them. We are working on cutting on all of them.
I do agree that in a way, having to rely on just yourself and your husband can cause panic but it's a nice challenge and it does give you a sense of self sufficiency (i hope I'm using the right word) that's very nice.

Sue, it does take some getting used to but I'm happy to have married the guy I did... =)

Sally Redux

It sounds like you just need a bit of space - next door is a little bit close for family Good luck with finding somewhere within your budget.

Bob

Is a bit...weird thing I've noticed, unlike in say Italy/Austria where they stack the generations deeper into the house, they just build next door to them...speaking of extended family here.

One cousin built their home next door to the in-laws and their grand folks are the next house over. Another cousin did the same in Maine and another in RI.

I'd want to be miles away myself, near enough to give them a shout and able to baby sit if needed but not that close you could share groceries

Englishtart

Hi Nits Sounds like you are going to be fine, like Sally said, you just need your own space. Good luck, I hope that with a little distance, you can all be a happy family again

Mommy, I hear ya! When I first came over to the US to meet my future inlaws, they took an instant dislike to me We were 'stuck' in their house for a month Very uncomfortable situation, they told my hubby that I was 'looking for a step up on the social ladder'! He was a lowly basic airman, earning $600 a month then They called me a 'slut from the gutter'! and a few other choice names. Hubby cut ties with them from the minute we got back to Germany (where we had met) They didn't talk for over 4 years, it was actually me that got them talking again, I sent them pictures of their 3 yr old Grandson.

23 years later, we are still going strong, they respect the fact that we are very happy, they are actually really good inlaws now (mostly) and we are even trying to move closer to them, maybe just one state away His Mom is a great support for me when hubby is gone, she emails me daily and calls every week. It took me a long time to let her 'in' again, almost 8 years, but I'm so glad we are a family now. They are the only extended family I have, all my Grandparents/parents died before I even met hubby, so I really wanted them in my kids lives.

So Nits, try to keep the door open, sometime in the future you will be happy to have them in your life

Nits22

Englishtart, thanks for your advise =)
I understand what you mean and trust me, I don't want to to "close the door" on them. My father in law is the only family that my husband has (besides me) and the least thing I want to do is create any conflict between them. That's why I think, for the sake of actually keeping a relationship with them, we need a bit of distance.

Meanwhile, trying to finance our car and trying to save money for the first month and sec deposit on an apt hahahah

We'll survive